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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want to know when he’s coming home?

164 replies

Waitykatey · 17/09/2025 13:30

My partner moved in with me recently. He works with his dad and their studio is connected to his parents house. They tend to finish work about 5:30.

Unless we have specific plans together, he’ll usually just hang around at his parents after work, eat dinner with them, use his dad’s home gym or whatever.

Because of this, if we don’t have proper plans, I don’t know when he’s coming home. It’s never super late. Sometimes it’s around 9:30 but not usually later. He’ll bring his own food home if he hasn’t eaten with his parents.

It’s starting to drive me a bit mad. I feel like a nag if I keep asking him if/when he’ll be back and if I should save him some dinner.

He’s so used to this routine from before he lived with me (he lived alone then but considered his parents house “home”) and he doesn’t think anything of it, but I spent the last couple of nights waiting around a bit, with no real idea when he’s coming back. Obviously I do my own thing if it comes up but that doesn’t happen all the time. About half the week we have entirely separate plans anyway.

Last night he said he’d had a busy day and was tired so he was just chilling there for a an hour before he decided what to do, but after a few hours with still no update, I got a bit irritated and for the first time ever sent an angry message. It wasn’t particularly late - it was only 9pm but I’d asked him 2 hours prior what his plan was, and still didn’t get a straight answer. I don’t feel good about that and I apologised but I think it was starting to get to me as I start so many of my evenings not knowing if he’s coming back for the evening.

He got a bit annoyed with this as he said he didn’t always like to plan in advance and wanted to sometimes play by ear.

He’s so reliable and never ever lets me down if we have something planned, but if we don’t, I don’t get any idea when he’ll be home.

He’s not doing anything untoward, he’s definitely always there at his parents.

AIBU to want some idea of his whereabouts and timings now we live together? Or is it quite normal to not give your partner this info?

OP posts:
Sleepeye · 17/09/2025 14:18

How local are his parents to you?

And your relationship with them?

Do the pair of you spend weekends together? Or is he with his mum and dad?

RedSkyatNight25 · 17/09/2025 14:18

I don’t often know when to expect my husband home, it’s the nature of his work. He’ll let me know if he’s going to be especially late but it’s generally between 5-9pm. I’d be annoyed if he was chosing to have tea with his mum and dad rather than me each day though.

Sleepeye · 17/09/2025 14:18

How old are you both op?

He can’t even accommodate dropping you a quick one liner to update? Not a great sign OP

Upstartled · 17/09/2025 14:16

Sorry, op. I just don't think he's in this relationship as much as you are. You are playing the pick me dance with his Mum and Dad.

whitewineandsun · 17/09/2025 14:14

He can move back with them. How ridiculous.

AprilShowers25 · 17/09/2025 14:14

My friend had a husband like this, he would just go out and not communicate where he was going or when he would be home. She realised when they had a child that she could no longer accept him just leaving the house without a word and assuming she was ok looking after their child indefinitely.

edited to add I am not talking about curfews here, when my DH and I go out with friends separately I do not expect him back by a certain time.

nutbrownhare15 · 17/09/2025 14:14

If he wants to hang out with his mum and dad every night what's the point of you living together? He's supposed to want to mostly spend that time with you

twobabiesandapup · 17/09/2025 14:13

Everything that I came on to say has already been said, I second every single comment above!

BuddhaAtSea · 17/09/2025 14:12

Yeah, he can stay at his parents then, he’s not quite grown out of it.

outerspacepotato · 17/09/2025 14:09

So he comes to your place for sex and sleep but otherwise is at his parents'.

considered his parents house “home”

Send him back to his real home. He hasn't cut the cord.

Frankenpug23 · 17/09/2025 14:09

I agree with the first poster - what a child he is. I am sorry I wouldn’t tolerate this nonsense either you are either living together or you’re not. if he wants to go to the gym at his parents after work thats fine - its not fine to want to be at his Mum and Dads every night till late.

I think you have to be clear here about the expectations, or go back to separate living.

Velvian · 17/09/2025 14:05

I think he needs to move back to his parents. I also think you should end tge relationship as he is not an independent adult.

Original poster
Waitykatey · 17/09/2025 13:38

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 17/09/2025 13:32

Sorry, I wouldn’t be tolerating this - he’s a grown adult, he doesn’t need to be at mummy and daddy’s house every night for his tea.

He doesn’t even always eat with them. Sometimes he’s just chilling on the sofa there and they’re not even home.

OP posts:
tumblingdowntherabbithole · 17/09/2025 13:32

Sorry, I wouldn’t be tolerating this - he’s a grown adult, he doesn’t need to be at mummy and daddy’s house every night for his tea.

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