To want to know when he’s coming home?

Agree.

@Starling7 No,not everyone will eventually think they’ve struck gold being partnered with a grown man who prefers to hang around his childhood home in the evenings frequently (after working with at least one parent the whole day) instead of being home with their partner.

It’s almost as if everyone is different right?

I am far from a clingy partner but I know I’d never sign up to this arrangement especially when he can’t even do her the basic courtesy of keeping her updated, when she has asked him. He’s been massively inconsiderate ignoring that request so I don’t see how you can confidently say she will one day be happy about this.

Does he pay half the rent and bills? If so I think you've struck gold. Nothing worse than having someone under your feet! He's around when you make plans and you have your own space when not. Its a win win - if you don't see it now, you will later. Xx

If he has grown up children, I’m going to assume he’s in his late 40s/50s.

And he still sees his elderly parents home as his home?!

Sorry but what a complete wet blanket. Massive turn off for me, but OP, you choose the partner that works for you. You don’t need to justify your choice but equally don’t post any annoyance on here if you’re then going to backtrack instantly.

Really! He hasn't left home has he?

Me too!
You're not really living together at all

I think assuming he has evening plans with his parents and will be home late so you can plan your own evening is a way to get to less annoyance about this.

If what you want is more time together (rather than information so you understand what he's doing and how it fits with you) then it's important to say that.

I mean.. I think it sounds quite nice! 😀

And if you asked your partner to update you so that you knew when back, your response would be….?

I absolutely agree about not needing a human competition animal who's always home - absolutely. The lack of communication is utterly disrespectful though. I'd be completely happy if my DH wanted to hang out with his parents (if he had them, sadly they're deceased) after work but not happy just never knowing whether he was going to be out all evening or in all evening. I'd be looking forward to an evening alone with my book, or planning to go for a walk or to eat something he didn't like for dinner or whatever, but I'd really hate it if he couldn't be arsed to tell me he wouldn't be home, or would be home at roughly 5 today instead of roughly 9 like yesterday.

It's the utter lack of any thought or consideration for the person who may, or may not, get the house to themselves, and may, or may not, have their own long phone call or reading time or study time or messy crafting hobby spread all over the place or indulgence in a takeaway or whatever they're doing interrupted at 6pm, or 8pm, or 9pm depending on the whim of the "partner".

Well, if he needs that much downtime then he shouldn’t have moved in with his partner, should he?

He is man who works with his father and has no dependent children, and lives with just his girlfriend.

This is not a man over burdened

To me it sounds like he needs downtime. My DP is a, constant background noise person, I like a bit of silence. I've chilled in my DD's, by myself, after doing childcare.

I'm nearly 60, so is my DP. If that conversation happened between me and my DD/friend, it would be asked " who's playing (for him) and what supernatural/zombie film I'm watching. We don't live in each other's pockets and have different interests. I'm not going to run home to sit in front of football for two hours. So I ask my DD if she needs to do something after work and babysit my GC. However this was made clear during the dating years. Not all of us want human companion animals. A conversation does need to be had, expectations talked through and a compromise to be met.

OP’s adult child: “Hi mum, what you up to?”
OP: “oh just watching TV alone”
OP’s adult child: “Let me guess, your DP is at his mum and dad’s also watching TV alone”
OP: yes”
OP’s adult child: “you are still with him???”

He doesn’t like you

It's nice that he works with his dad and still enjoys hanging out with them, but he has a lonely dp missing his company and wishing that he was there with her sharing a meal and evening with her.

I think you need to change your expectations as you won’t change him.

plan your own life and evenings and if he turns up and there’s no dinner made then tough.

why did he separate from his kid’s mum?

his parents are going to need more care in the future and you will always be in second place.

start making your own life without him or accept him as a part time partner.

don’t accept someone who doesn’t put you first and makes you angry. I’d be fuming sat at home by myself if I had a partner.

It is quite peculiar that, in the early days of living together, he doesn't want to come home and spend the evening with you, eat with you, just generally 'be' in his new situation with his (relatively) new partner in what ought to be a honeymoon phase of a relationship.

It makes it even more bizarre that he would rather sit in his parents' house when they aren't even there, rather than be with you.

I too assumed this was his first relationship and was going to suggest you arrange to sit down together and have a good long chat about what both your expectations are. But then you said he has grown up children ! I'd like to presume he lived with them and their mother, so he must now be actively choosing to act like a 17 yr old rather than just not realising this is odd.

Eugh, I had one of these.

We moved in on a Friday. He announced he was spending all of Saturday with his mother, I wasn't invited. I asked why he was doing that on our first weekend of living together. He got very defensive and said because he hadn't seen her since Wednesday.......fuck me. Mammy's boys are awful.

It didn't last long

Just seen he works with his dad too! He needs to climb back into his mum’s uterus I think

Send him back to his parents! Why isn’t he hanging out with you?! He sounds fuckig weird

Hmmm I would wonder about his commitment... when I started living with my now DH we would call each other when on the way home and wanted to spend time together. Even now we know each other's plans and let each other know if we will be late etc.

god this! he hasn't really moved out, just sleeps at yours for sex

That’s just weird. He has a home to chill at.