Inheritance - has something shifted?

My parents will is left to me and my siblings equally. Easier that way. But if one of us predeceases our parents, our spouse gets our share.

This is confusing. Will your husband not put his share of the inheritance in his "family pot" to benefit your family, or do the terms of the trust prevent him from doing so?

If it's the former it is a husband problem, not an in-law problem, as surely it's normal to leave the estate to the children.

Surely they leave it to their son and he share it with you, his wife, anyway?!?

What! Why on earth do you feel entitled to their money?! They are not your parents. So what if they’ve inherited money, that is entirely their business and their money to spend exactly how they please.

You just scream jealousy, entitlement and honestly sound money grabbing. If you’ve been doing things for them purely with the hope of gaining money from then when they die that is just awful.

This just seems normal?? My parents have left everything to me and my sibling in their will. My husband recently passed away and now his share in his mums will will pass down to our children. I wouldn’t expect it to come to me.

It will be exactly this.

I would stop doing so much for them as they have blood relatives who can do that. You can say you don’t feel comfortable climbing a ladder anymore so hire a professional.

My in laws are the same. I’m looking after my husband who is terminal ill and when they go his share will go to my kids who are young and it won’t help them till they are older. I only work part time so husband could progress his career because he could earn a lot more then me but now we don’t have insurance policy we could end up homeless (we won’t because my family will help me). But that money was always suppose to be ours but it will bypass me and the life I could give our kids with that money will not happen. Like you I do a lot for my in laws and trying to speak to them about it they aren’t interested at all.

I would think it's fairly common that parents and family leave directly to their own son or daughter rather than to the couple. I'm not sure why their needs to be a trust set up to do that, sounds more like the have been up-sold that by the solicitor.

Are you worried your husband might dump you once he’s inherited? Surely it’ll all go into the marital pot?

I'm in France, married to a Frenchman. Inheritance here is so simple that there is little point even making a will. Most of any estate goes to blood relatives: kids, grandchildren, parents (if young adults die without having kids) or siblings. With "representation", so if an adult child dies before their parents, their kids get their share when their aunts and uncles inherit from granny.
It makes everything a great deal simpler and, of course, leaves nothing to in-laws.
I inherited from my grandparents in the UK because my father predeceased them. I spent a significant chunk on a special family holiday, but the bulk was reinvested in a property which has only my name on the deeds. When I die it goes to my kids. It's actually a much healthier set up than in the UK!
I'm afraid you come across as "grabby", OP, and I wouldn't name you either as a beneficiary or as a trustee!

Let's hope their estate is of sufficient magnitude (£3m, £5m +) to make the benefits of a trust against the costs outweigh the simple distribution you suggest. If the trustees are siblings then let's hope all the sibling trustees are wise and get on well enough to avoid this trust magnifying fractures in the future when life events and expectations hit them in the face. If not then I suspect your wisdom will be proven, OP.

I think what has changed in recent years is that more older people are property owners at the point when they make their wills.

In the past they didn't have a lot to leave so a simple will at most was all that was required.

Now there is maybe a house, a pension fund. To the person writing their will, the sums can seem huge, especially when compared to their own parents or grandparents.

Solicitors wanting a slice of the pie, push complicated wills and trust funds at will makers. If the will maker is like my DM, they are easily flattered into seeing their 'estate' as being far more valuable than it actually is once divided over DCs and/or DGCs.

Deduct self funded care home fees (Easily £50k per year over and above pension income) and the only people who benefit are Solicitors.

My Mother divorced in the 1950’s, it was incredibly rare for regular folk to divorce then. It’s just practical isn’t it when 50% of marriages end in divorce.

Divorce much later in life is on the rise, I have friends of 54, 56 and 59 all divorcing right now. The catalyst has been children leaving home. One couple had been together almost 35 years, different reasons but the children growing up was end game.

I disagree that it’s transactional. If you have created someone else as a part of your close family for years and years, it’s hurtful when they demonstrate that they clearly see you as an outsider and naturally makes you question that relationship.

Just to reassure you OP, when it comes to clearing out and selling the property, no doubt your husband and his siblings will expect your help . To pop on your marigolds and do the cleaning and take things to the charity shop or recycling, to help find a care Horne and do the weekly visits .

Just remember then that you are not really family and you can’t be trusted.

My dad and his wife have specifically amended their will to leave 1/4 of their estate to his wife’s daughter-in-law. In their case, my dad’s wife’s son died so I suppose they see it as his ‘share’ going to his wife rather than him.

I just thought the whole point of marriage was that on divorce each party is taken care of out of the marital pot. Housing needs, earning potential etc.

Perhaps on divorce judge would say since he has that huge inheritance wife then gets more of joint assets? I mean, that's the whole point of the marriage contract. One of the main ones anyway.

Thanks. Kind of defeats the point of marriage tho.

In this case they benefited from lots of inheritances

DM encouraged me to make a will 35 years ago when I was pregnant by offering to pay for it even though I was married - I used the family solicitor that they and my grandparents had always used and it all seemed very complicated with lots of what ifs and blood lines - things in trust etc
I redid my will a few years later when I became a lone parent and it was so much simpler with a different solicitor
I changed my will in more recent times as DC are adults with partners/husbands and may have offspring in the future - it all got complicated again as now there’s more money and things like inheritance tax etc to consider

I haven't read the whole thread but in case it hasn't been mentioned Reeves is looking to fleece the IHT for more in the budget by all accounts. Anyone worried might now be looking at ways to mitigate differently, if there are ways when we don't know how much she will be taking... My suspicion is it will be dropped from £350k for a single person to £250k, meaning more people will have to pay and plan as most people's houses are worth that or more.

I agree. It’s certainly their choice but so it is also OP’s choice of whether to continue the same close relationship with them. It’s not about the money, it’s about what it signifies about their relationship. It’s understandable it would feel hurtful to the OP.

Irrelevant response.

Then I guess it takes one to know one.