Inheritance - has something shifted?

Only thing you need to consider is if the trust conditions prevent your other half (their blood relative) doing with his inheritance as he sees fit, i.e. passing on to you if he predeceases you, or will it somehow go to another blood relative, e.g. any children you have or a sibling of your spouse? As others have stated, maybe it's time for you to step back from this particular 'load' and let the beneficiaries step up!

If your husband has other siblings maybe easier this way if different types of relationships. I would be miffed too. But If the mother in law has a tight husband and has not been able to spend money on her self over the years she would probably be upset if a daughter in law gets to have treats. They may feel you are wealthy enough and want it to go to the children's education or a future house. They may think some of the sons or daughter in laws waste the money on extravagant things. But yes I think you are entitled to not provide any care to them going forward if they take that for granted. However if your children / husband inherit their money, it means you don't have to save as much to support them.

Maybe your inlaws are aiming to be fair to all of their family?
As in if you inherited something from them, are they trying to avoid a dispute between yourself and the son or any potential inlaws if you were 'favoured'?

If they did not leave a will, in the first instance, the surviving spouse would receive everything, then upon their demise, blood relatives would inherit, that is, after inheritance tax and care home fee's. Anything that your husband inheritied would go to you, were he to pass first.

So nothing has changed, except for your perception.

If you feel that you are doing all of the hard work, maybe it is time to start involving other people and asking for a bit of help rather than taking everything on?

I think the OP doesn't have an issue with that, it is because they have set up Trust Wills, which means her BIL and SIL act as trustees and she is cut out of, and has absolutely no say over her children's inheritance.

Yes and a half sibling did. However a few years prior an aunt made the comment that the two who were adopted ‘were not part of this family’ and thus a divide started.

a sad state of affairs when one of those kids as an adult kept the aunt up in firewood and house repairs.

Adopted children are treated legally exactly the same as biological children. So if it’s legal in that jurisdiction to disinherit your biological child, you can disinherit your adopted child.

However if the will just leaves money to “ my children “ or “ my grandchildren “ without naming them, then they have the same status. So the executor, for example, can’t decide that it doesn’t apply to adopted children / grandchildren.

Im not defending it morally BTW.

Surely that could be contested?

That’s what has happened in DH situation despite legal adoption as a baby.

Listen to Saturday's episode of moneybox live on R4 it covers the fact that a lot of older people are being duped into setting up a trust when it's not in theirs or family's financial interest to do so

It's common for solicitors when preparing a Will for inheritance to go to blood relatives. For instance my mil Will if my husband her son died before her then when she died my children would inherited from her estate not me at all unless I was specifically named.

Today there is no guarantee of inheritance, if a care home or nursing is needed. Only help if its the right thing to do

Tricky but you are not alone. I know countless stories of similar things where good people who have been there much more than others are given big cuts of a will. One case I know of there were 4 kids and they all got different amounts. Some massively more than others. The mother was asked to change her will to make it more even when she was compos mentis, but refused. She wrote her will the way she wanted it. It's hard though if you've been tirelessly looking after your in-laws.

We were almost talked into setting up Trust Wills but luckily we did some research and backed out. There are no IHT benefits, unless you are super rich but they are also massively restrictive, difficult and expensive to administer. Annual tax returns would have been required on each trust.
After you have been married for so long and done so much for your IL I feel your pain and i too would be upset. How do the other siblings feel? Personally, I would take a big step back from them.

Well if your husband inherits as a blood relative, won’t you benefit too? There are times when a wife or husband inherits from their partner and then leaves everything to their own blood relatives and not their partners - it does make you think.

I inherited a large amount from a family member, everything was left to blood relatives but I've shared it with DH (as in it paid off the mortgage, went on holidays and house things). I would expect PIL to leave inheritance to DH, but not to me, though DH would share it with me. That would be up to the recipient to decide on. One thing not mentioned in that will though, was if one of the beneficiaries predeceased the relative. One person sadly passed away, and was effectively written out of the will when the intention was their share would go into a trust for their DC, but we all split it so it was made fair.

A pp said parents cannot be trustees on behalf of their children, in this kind of inheritance situation. That is incorrect. We have two estate planning firms involved with drafting wills at the moment, for my DPs, and for DH and I. DH will be trustee for our DS, in respect of my parents will, should I predecease DM and DF. And DSIL will be trustee for my niece and nephew. (My DB is deceased.)

In terms of requiring two trustees, we are also establishing a protective trust for DS, in case both DH and I die before he reaches adulthood. This will be operated by a family friend, and a professional trustee. (and overseen by annual audits by another solicitor.)

All sorts of trusts are possible.

There is nothing strange about that. Most people only leave to blood relatives.

Actually I voted for the first time today: you aren't unreasonable

Like I'm coming and asking times for 3 different things but aunty always says No. How many times she can say No.

What happens if this goes as to pls, and a grown grandchild asks for their share but never given any money...

Because “holding trustees to account” when they are family members is always so easy…the potential for falls outs is huge, and will affect all of the families if any of the siblings pass away (or even if one of them is particularly vocal and the others inclined to “keep the peace” which is a scenario we see constantly on here). I can’t imagine any of the other spouses would be thrilled about having no input into decisions that directly affect their children either.

Which is the standard issue of people not bothering to read the full thread.

Trusts as a concept doesn’t seem to be the issue. It’s a the single trust that’s the problem by the sound of it. Why not separate the money into different trusts for each family, so no potential for arguments when the siblings all have different ideas of what is appropriate spending (so no need for costly and stressful litigation against family members), and it’s still the blood relatives that benefit. It isn’t unreasonable for a parent to be concerned that potentially life changing amounts of money intended her children is to be left at the discretion of family members that may have very different priorities for them.

Nothing has shifted inheritance wise- under English law you have always been able to leave your money to whoever you like, and specifically exclude anyone you like.
You really should have taken this into consideration when deciding how much to put into your relationships with your in laws- they are not your family and I am not at all surprised they are not happy about you making all the decisions. You need to look at it from their point of view.
Even if you have done the heavy lifting- it is because you husband didn't want to, not because the PIL wanted you to do it.
I wouldn't be happy for a non blood relative picking out a care home for me- honestly, would you?

Are you a trustee or beneficiary? A trustee oversees the running of the trust, but I don't think they necessarily get any distributions.