To say if my 17yo drops out of college he'll have to move out?

I’m not saying they will. It was more about the fact that having to get a job and pay rent put the fear of god in me, so I stayed at school.

If he thinks he has to get a job and actually pay for something, it may make him finish college at least. Or at worst - get a job of some kind!

I would give him more time to sort himself out, he's still very young. He doesn't sound like he's violent which is obviously makes it easier to keep him home.

For me it would all depend on clarity over where you were “kicking him out” to.

his dads? - yes this is fine, this is simply the transfer of a 17 year old moving in with another parent in a presumably warm secure home with food and basic support available

kick him out to sofa surf or sleep on the streets- not in a million years.

The Op says he's failed his GCSE,s so Alevels and Uni don't seem like an option at the moment.

For those suggesting apprenticeship, s it's not that easy
If as the Op says he's failed his GCSE ,s most places want a grade four or equivalent in English and maths and they can be very competitive
My son had a terrible time in year 11 health wise and didn't do well in his GCSE,s
He didn't find college very productive, although did gain a level two certificate
He's now on a training scheme thst offers work experience, with a view to an apprenticeship.

How is it going @DavDubya ?

Half way through my A levels, I had had enough and told my mum I wanted to leave school.
she called my bluff perfectly! Said fine, I could, but I’d have to start paying rent with immediate effect and had to get a job.
i was 17 and had no idea what I wanted to do, had no job and no money. So of course I stayed at school, finished my A levels and went to uni

MN does seem to believe that apprenticeships are a fall back option for those who don't much like school.

My youngest is doing a construction industry apprenticeship and they are like hens' teeth. Far rarer than you might think and very competitive.

I work for a company in the midlands who currently employ a couple of plumbing & gas fitting apprentices and I can confirm this is the case. There are so many applicants for trade apprenticeships we can cherry pick.

Also,my son has friends who are looking for jobs and it really is slim pickings out there.

For anyone suggesting getting an apprenticeship in a trade,well its almost impossible.
My ds 17 has done a year in college doing plumbing and the college had one apprenticeship on their website, just the one, for about forty students who gained the level 2 in plumbing.
Indeed has around three plumbing apprenticeships in the whole of the Midlands.
Son has refused to go back so is now working in a local pub.
I'm hoping something will spur him on but it's hard and very frustrating for me,I go to bed worrying most nights.
That mixed with the weed the teens are smoking.( Alcohol doesn't seem to be a thing )

It's a bit unethical to kick him out before he is 18- but I would say, no more weed and if you drop out you have to pay for rent and food by getting a job, and if that doesn't happen on his 18th birthday his stuff goes into boxes into the garden and the locks will be changed- and say to him good luck laughing that off.

YANBU but it does sound like he's not really suited to education (at least not at the moment). I would try and support him into work rather than giving an immediate ultimatum/expecting him to find work immediately. Could he look at apprenticeship schemes or work placements? School clearly isn't for him, but maybe work could be.

I wouldn't let him get away with sitting around at home smoking weed all day, but I also wouldn't give up on him yet.

I hope he proves you wrong in the future regarding your relationship.... It could improve when he's older... Don't give up.
I've also experienced all this with my son... No idea how I coped, but I got through and survived and only recently now he's in his 30's have things got better.. Hold on tight xxx

Yep, kick him out. He’ll go off to his Dads and both will find out very quickly that full time together is not what they thought it would be.

Shouted, cried, begged and reasoned??? I’m sorry OP but that all sounds really dramatic and OTT. I have a seventeen year old DD who has tried weed and alcohol … that’s normal at that age. But I had a talk with her about the dangers of drugs and alcohol. She’s just started college too and it takes a while to settle in. I can’t imagine threatening my DD with homelessness if they were to struggle and not realise the importance for their future.

Give him a taste of what real life with his qualifications will be. Charge him a deposit and a typical rent for a studio or house share in your area, and provide nothing on top; food, bills etc all have to be paid additionally. He also has to make all his own food, do his washing, clean his room. I give him 3 months before he realises he needs to go back to school if he wants a decent life for himself.

This sounds incredibly difficult and my heart goes out to you.

The trouble with your plan is will you actually follow through? If you make a threat that turns out to be empty I think you will end up in an even worse position.

Saying that though - if staying at college when he is clearly totally disinterested really the best thing for him? It sounds like without putting in the work he wasn’t able to scrape through GCSEs so is it really worth pushing college if it’s going to be a hell two years with nothing in the way of qualifications at the end? Could an option be ‘you need a plan or you’re out’? Would a trade or an apprenticeship appeal to him? Or even the armed forces?

This young person is being pulled from pillar to post by his parents ... no wonder his life is chaotic.
I am not apportioning blame here as I am sure the OP has done her best in a difficult situation, but it is clear he needs stability and not rejection.
Very hard to achieve given the circumstances I know, but throwing him out will achieve nothing good.

He sounds like he could be depressed OP.
I really feel sorry for him - must be hard not having a male role model, and experiencing such different parenting styles. He may not feel cared about (though of course you do care).
personally I’d be more supportive, try and engage him in positive plans rather than punishments.

Not remotely unreasonable. And some good advice already which I’d second.

The only thing I’d add is that it hurts to fail. He only got his results a few weeks ago so I doubt he’s feeling very positive about himself especially if he knows he was more than capable of passing. Is he doing resits?

That’s not a reason to let him take the piss but with teens the immediate response is often “I don’t care” when the reality may be very different. Did you discuss it when he got his results and decided to go to college? What is he studying?

I would too, at least in 10 years when he realises he has wasted the opportunity to learn, he can't blame you.
You tried, actions have consequences.
It might help him see reasons to return to education in the future.

My son did the same.

There is nowhere else for 17 year olds to go. Nowhere they can rent; nowhere they can stay. Social services offers them nothing. They end up sofa surfing living in squats or on the street.

Everyone wondering where he's getting the money for weed: they deal. Or they shoplift and sell. Or they do other petty crime. I know mine was sucked into some benefit fraud. His bank account was frozen and it takes 7 years before another bank will offer you an account.

Noone want to employ 17 year olds who aren't in college. The requirement for them to be in education or training makes employers responsible for training them. They won't do that when there's an 18 year old available who doesn’t need training (or a 16 year old busy studying A levels). Seventeen year olds who are out of education are unemployable.

Mine was in his early 20s before he turned a corner. Now working and doing well.
I dont think our relationship will ever recover.

Honestly, I would let the college thing go. It happens and it's not the end of the world.

My eldest son did not return to college to complete of one his courses. I felt gutted at the time. He had a part time pub job that he enjoyed more and he wanted to work full time. Anyway, he dropped out of college, moved away to a lovely part of the country, got a job within a week and is living a very happy and healthy life now.

The stress you are feeling and the anger towards him is only harming you. He needs a job and a great mentor at work; someone who will inspire him.

I understand the feeling of chaos in your house but it won't always be like this. Don't reject him by kicking him out. Talk to him about what he would like to do with his life and try to work something out together. Let go of the stress and anger.

Try asking him if there's anything he wants to do with his life. Anything- a particular job, or achievement or whatever. Point out you don't reckon he'll want to live with you in 10 years time - so where does he want to be living at 25 or 30.
If nothing forthcoming, then it doesnt have to be realistic.

Be completely clear with him : you will absolutely support him whilst he's genuinely trying to make something meaningful happen for himself, as long as you can afford it. But you'll not be giving him any money nor anything other than basic food & a roof over his head if he's just going to piss his life away on the Xbox or whatever. If
he doesn't start making some effort at college, or he gets an apprenticeship or job. He drops out, the money for anything other than bare essentials stops. If you can change wifi password as part of that, then do. Take it away at 11pm.

I really feel for you.