To think not giving kids a phone is now seen as neglectful

I completed a workshop session recently that was about children and smartphones. We were shown more than a dozen different ways that the parental controls can be bypassed and how parents will never be able to tell. Suffice to say, any parent giving their child a smartphone might as well accept that they are giving to them without any restrictions because they are so easily overridden, no matter what you use or how well you think you’ve done it. You’re being naive if you think otherwise.

Because 18 year olds don't instantly turn into completely independent beings overnight, its a gradual process and for many(most) they rely on some support from parents while at uni. Meanwhile parents can discuss with other parents how to negotiate this new stage of life.

If parents had raised their children properly, there wouldn't be a need for such ridiculous group.

What's next?

If you still need a hand hold at Uni (and not just a washing machine to do your laundry if you come home at the weekend, and a full fridge to empty while you are there), then you shouldn't even be at uni 😂

Tracking your children when they're in their twenties is nuts. They're adults and they should be capable of standing on their own two feet.

Yes this is a good point. My friend whose kids have brick phones has ocassionally asked me to check where my kid is on life360 to see if their train is delayed because her kid wasn't answering her phone.

Because 18 year olds don't instantly turn into completely independent beings overnight, its a gradual process and for many(most) they rely on some support from parents while at uni. Meanwhile parents can discuss with other parents how to negotiate this new stage of life.

In answer to the original question, absolutely no need for phones on school residentials when kids are supervised by staff at all times. Our schools banned phones on such trips. On the other hand, Year 8+ school trips abroad when they are allowed to go off in small groups unsupervised fir a couple of hours, phones were required by school.

I wouldn't be happy with a child walking places alone without a phone but any child too young to do that absolutely doesn't need one.

My friend gives her kids brick phones. I see the reasoning. I gave mine smartphones but heavily locked down and restricted both by software and house rules eg no social media, no phones overnight, at the table, time limits on anything non essential. I found the benefits of a smartphone eg tracking/train apps etc outweighed the disadvantages.

Re tracking, our whole family including adults can see each other on life 360. We never sit there watching it. Ocassionally glance to see if someone is where they should be, or use it if someone is delayed, not answering their phone or similar. My 19 year old at uni has no issue with still being on it and it gives some peace of mind for me with no intrusion for her. Also I stand by Life360 as a useful tool, I got my stolen bag and phone back by using it once. (Phoned DH from friend's phone and he could see where the thieves had gone with it).

I've never given any of my DC a phone until they are 16. Instead of spending hours on SM they did a lot of Sports, musical instruments, and volunteering. I dropped them off at clubs and collected them afterwards. If they went somewhere late at night we let them borrow a brick phone to text they needed collecting. I'd certainly never have let them take a phone into school.

Depends how they use their phone. Tracking adults is ridiculous, but having a phone gives freedom.

What I hate is hypocritical parents, who boast about not giving a phone, but rely on everyone else!

No, they don't need contact during residential at all. However, parents are quite happy to get a text or to look at the tracker to know when to pick them up - and whatsapp group with "my son doesn't have a phone, what time do they arrive" expecting to use the information given by those who HAVE a phone.. pathetic.

(No, the school doesn't update every 5mn, there's a scheduled arrival time, but when there's delays etc, the school office is shut and parents wait. Or don't, because they have a phone.

Kids messaging asking if they can bring friends or stay with friends after school is freedom.

The ones without a phone miss on social life, not willingly but I know some kids who are basically excluded of everything because they don't know.

I have a year 6 child and I don’t recognise that at all. DS has a smart watch he can call and text us (only) from and I feel quite neglectful/reckless even giving him that. Some of the girls in his class have iPhones and the general consensus around other parents is that that’s outrageous. Vast majority of parents I know are anti phone and when they go to secondary next year most people are thinking brick phones until they’re 16. The Smart Phone Free Childhood movement has really taken off around here and phoneless kids are definitely not in the minority.

Why do parents need a university Facebook group?

My 8yo just came back from several days at PGL (on his own, no accomoanying friends, no phone). He bloody loved it. I'm very proud he's confident enough to go and do scary things independently-make friends, try new activities, different food, sleep in a strange place. In my opinion, to be a successful parent you should be aiming for independence and competence in your DC (as well as being kind, a good friend etc etc and excepting where these things aren't possible due to additional needs).

He knew he could ring using the centre phone at any time if he asked an instructor.

No way is he having a phone until mid secondary.

The amount of shocked faces I got from friends, along with a few who outright questioned my parenting was 😱🤣

My daughter (y5) has an airtag in her school bag.
School don’t allow phones/smart watches either in school or on residential.
She has a kids smartwatch for weekends when she walks to her friends or the park.
She’ll get a phone when she goes to secondary school.

When I went on my residential at primary school we didn't contact home at all. I didn't speak to my parents all week. I wouldn't expect my daughter to have a phone with her on hers or to use a phone there to phone us either tbh. Not that I would actively discourage it, I just would expect it.

I don't doubt many parents find the idea of taking phones from kids somehow a bad thing, you only need to look at some of the mental excuses for pushing back against school bans. I think many more are becoming supporting of it and it's brilliant when your kid is in a friend group where the other parents also minimise phone use.

DS15 has a mobile phone, has had one since 10yo but still hardly uses the thing. He often forgets about it. I am pleased that he is this way. He has many outside interests so doesn't obsess over it. The XBox however 🙄😂

DS10 has one to play games via WiFi in the house. There's no SIM on it. DS8 is the same. No SIM. No social media. They are not allowed to watch YT unsupervised.

18yo DS said he has found it difficult to put his phone down at times and said he doesn't like the way the world is now. He got a phone aged 12. None of us could have predicted how bad they are.

Tracking adult children is insane.

Same around here, brick phone + air tag for the majority of the children I know.
The private secondaries near us also lock the kids smartphones during the school day. And encourage not sending them with one at all.

DS is on a Y7 residential: devices allowed on the coach but locked away for the stay there. Not an
issue, there is a landline if needed.

We have life360 but, generally, it’s my teenagers tracking me not the other way around! I don’t actually look at it unless they are very late or I hear about a traffic issue when they’re due home. They use it to monitor which supermarket I’m going to and to send me loud alerts so I notice their text requests for specific food items 🙄

My youngest is 11, she wasn’t going to have a phone but I relented when I was recommended an app to lock everything down on it and limit the time she can spend on it (Qustudio). She’s got it so she can call me if she’s going to be late back or there is a change of plan with friends (and there’s always a change of plan!} She doesn’t have access to social media and won’t until she’s 14 at least.

Of course it's not ''normal" to track your adult"children ",my oldest DD was 55 last week, should I be tracking her! Twenty years ago at work I caused a ferror , because my colleagues all said children by the age of 8 should have a mobile phone, because they might get grabbed by someone and would need to contact you. I said I didn't think a potential kidnapper would let them say "hang on a minute, I just need to ring my mum, and that you would be more likely to be attacked for the phone. Course, when we had landlines our kids were on sleepovers or at friends houses,you could check, then with mobiles,you asked them where they were, they could tell you anything. One particular woman did track every movement of her daughter in her late twenties. I wonder if she managed to cut the apron strings

My DD age 16 has had a phone for years, she first got one early in Year 6, but I have certainly never used it to track her. In primary school she couldn’t use it to contact me during the day. Now in high school she does use it to contact me sometimes, but she knows she is not supposed to, and phone use is banned in school. It’s unhealthy - back in my day if there was a problem at school, I had to figure it out for myself e.g. just manage without something if I’d forgotten to bring it.

As for people who track young adults like those in their 20s, that’s just weird. I can’t imagine why the young adults would consent to that.

DS got a phone in year 6. He didn't really 'play out' at that time so I haven't bothered with a tracker as yet. Its been useful for him to have it starting year 7 when picking up and a club was cancelled. He's not addicted to his phone though but I think I'm just lucky on this.

Completely agree on no phones for primary trips.

They are allowed phones at secondary...switched off in bag all day and strict on this rule. I think this is at the lenient end of the scale but I'm fine with this.

I didn't have a phone growing up but I did have a charge card you could use in a phone box and I remember using it to call my Mum so I assume it must have been at least useful even if not a necessity. There are no phone boxes now.

Clearly obsessive checking of an adult's location isnt healthy but I think the concept of general tracking through life 360 and the like needs to be viewed in terms of the current time. It's become a cultural norm to link phones for convenience...it doesnt mean obsessive tracking and I think it's hard for an older generation who've never used it to 'get' this.

If DS wants to check his school emails or timetable for the following day, it's easier to use the app than log in to the website.

He can call or text in an emergency, which is the actual purpose of a phone.
Tracking apps don’t prevent anything bad from happening; they just give parents more peace of mind.

I think your way will be the more common. I also think when you have younger children it’s difficult to imagine the next step so what they say now might not be what they do.

I do track my year 5 DD but she is more vunerable due to SEN and walks to school and back with friends.