“Don’t lose anymore” (whilst clutching their pearls)

You’ve done amazingly well. I’m in awe of your ability to turn your life around. I’m sorry that people feel it’s ok to comment, i fully understand you wanting to tell them to fuck off. In your shoes I would tell them firmly that the subject is not up for discussion.

Good question.

And if it’s old lady relatives why just not say older relatives, or relatives. Snd if it’s old lady strangers - why would they know the OP has lost weight?

It's impossible for anyone to say without seeing you.

A few years ago, I also lost lots of weight and people were saying that to me and I felt the same as you. My BMI put me in the overweight category, so I thought they must all be wrong. Eventually so many people were saying it that I realized they were probably right, especially when it got to the point when my swimming instructor wouldn't let me in the lesson until I put some weight on.

In your case it sounds unreasonable, as you're not yet in the ideal category. But I'm noticing excessive weightloss making an increasing number of people I know look really unwell and gaunt when they drop too low on weightloss jabs.

My sister for example lost an awful lot of weight and looked great. But now she has taken it too far as she edges towards the bottom end of a normal bmi and is a size 8, which doesn't suit her body shape. I've had a few very lovely and genuine people ask me with concern if she's seriously ill as she looks so gaunt in photos. But I'm loathed to say anything as I don't want to upset her or get a reaction like yours, and I know she's proud of all the weight she has lost.

I'm 5ft9 and weighed more than 16st 4lbs. I'm now down to 14st 3lbs - I've moved from 'obese' to the top end of 'overweight'.

I've had people telling me to stop losing weight... My arms are now normal size, as is my bust. Everything else is still fat - my belly noticeably so.

I had the same nonsense the last time I shed a lot of weight 25 years ago.

I agree.

Depending on the age of the mother, thin is best is almost certainly in her mindset.

My mother is 75 and thin is better to her. Doesnt matter how gaunt you look, doesnt matter how ill you are, thin is better. So when she looks in the mirror and sees "THIN!!!!" then thats a win for her.

My sister and I both focus on "I have made this as I know its really good for your bones/blood/energy/sleep" and she will eat it.

Its so hard when the women are of an age that Twiggy and Jean Shrimpton et al were the look to aspire too. Mind you, we had that in the 90's with Kate Moss and "Heroin Chic".

In that case, you get one crack at it. If the person responds along the lines of what the OP has said, e.g. "I'm actually at the top of healthy BMI and my doctor would like me to lose more" that should be the end of any conversation about it.

If she's looking frail, perhaps your concerns about your mum would be better framed around making sure she stays well nourished and fit/strong. Criticising her actual size isn't ever going to be received well.

Yeah I agree with this. My mum lost a couple of stone and while I respect that it was helpful for health reasons (she wasn’t overweight before but had other issues), to me it was two stone less of the person I loved. It was also a big personality change as she got quite into being thin whereas she had never been fussed before.

It’s your body and they shouldn’t comment. But the comments might not be about jealousy or wanting to bring you down.

It’s not always jealousy I can assure you. It can be shocking and worrying seeing someone shrink before your eyes. My mum has lost an incredible amount of weight and every time I see her I feel shocked. It’s made her look older and more frail. Shes so proud of her weight loss and feels she looks a million times better and I feel she’s losing sight that being as thin as possible doesn’t mean the best. I have said please don’t lose any more. I can assure you jealousy doesn’t come into it!

Is it possible that they’re just trying clumsily to convey that, while they see you’ve lost a lot of weight, they also loved you the way you were before?

That and "if you have an opinion, now would be a good time to keep it to yourself".

That's so fucking rude. They're lucky they aren't saying it to me.

Couldnt agree more.

If you arent fat anymore then the spare pounds they are carrying cannot just be excused by "Well at least I am not as big as X". And they fact that you have done it by cutting out the crap and having self discipline rather than WLI (which I dont have an issue with btw, but some people do see as cheating), well that is a double whammy. They cant say to themselves "Well yes she lost loads of weight but she could get the injections", because you didnt.

You have dared to get yourself out of the "fat" box, and it threatens their own self image.

Good for you!

I'm 5ft 8 and size 14/16 and look a bit overweight. So they're talking out of their arses.

People are so weird sometimes.

YANBU

There are seemingly a lot of people out there who are very focused on other people’s weight. I’ve always found this odd and annoying where I’ve come across it, but I think it likely comes from them being overly focused on their own weight.

Obviously health issues are a different matter and I might discuss weight with a relative if I was really worried about them.

I can sympathise somewhat as I’m pregnant and have been surprised that some people have felt it appropriate to comment on my body.

Well done to you!

People generally like fat people to stay fat. It allows them to eat take aways and cake because they aren't as fat as the fat person they know. If the fat person loses the fat it disrupts the order of things.

I've gone from BMI 36.9 to 21.7. I had about two nice comments about "looking well" before the pearl clutchers started. You're a terrible human when you're fat, but it's terrible to lose weight 🤷🏼‍♀️

Congratulations on this amazing achievement OP. 7 stone!!! That must have taken so much effort!
Ignore these silly people. They are jealous. Sadly people get used to you being the 'fat friend' and hate it when you are getting compliments when you do lose weight.
Enjoy your healthy and happy future!

I’m in the same position - I’ve lost almost 10 stone on WLI, a few people at work and a couple of friends have told me to stop losing now, that I’m going too far etc - my BMI is 32, so I’m still obese! Not even overweight yet, but actually obese - there’s no way I look too thin. I think people are just seeing a drastic difference and comparing to how I was before. It is getting tiresome now though.

It’s because we’ve normalised the over weight, even obese look. People think normal is a BMI of 27/8 and up.

A healthy BMI for me is anywhere between about 8 and 11 stone. I’m happy at about 10 stone as I have no obvious fat, any more than 10 and I develop a belly. 10 stone is a BMI of about 23 for me, so I’d have to lose another 2 stone to be underweight. But at 10 stone I get comments about being too thin 🤷‍♀️

It’s so funny how different body composition is, a size 14/16 definitely wouldn’t look like they are wasting away. But with a bmi of 24 I guess GP is suggesting getting down towards the middle of the healthy range?

people are just weird, I guess it’s just such a big loss is making it look more drastic.

Don’t comment on my body

That’s perfect!

I’ve actually put off losing weight because I can’t bear the judgement, but this is perfect.

They don’t like it because you’re achieving something they know they never could and they want you kept in your place of being like them.

Or they’re simply incapable of knowing what a healthy weight looks like.

Bloody well done, OP. Fantastic achievement.

Congratulations on your weight loss. That’s a tremendous achievement.

I don’t think there is malign intent here though I understand why you are feeling frustrated. Significant weight loss is often associated with serious illness and I think we all hard wired to be discomforted when we see it, though some are better than others at controlling the expression of this.

My husband has lost about 3 stone over the last year and is still about a stone to a stone and a half away from normal BMI. I sometimes catch sight of him and momentarily am shocked by how thin he looks and have to work hard not to express that thought and stay encouraging.

I have lost a bit less - under 2 stone over the same period and had a session with a personal trainer recently when I said I was hoping to lose another 7-10 lbs. Her initial reaction was to say I didn’t need to do that and was already very lean and slim but at the end of the session when she measured me on a hospital grade smart scale, she also recommended that I drop exactly this amount!