DS accused of a homophobic hate crime

Because 9 time out of 10 people don’t just make this shit up.

Because OPs son has form for being angry and aggressive.

Alot of people on this thread have come to the same conclusion.

Yes people have different opinions, so why have you chosen to quote me and question me on a comment I’ve written on someone else’s thread that has absolutely nothing to do with you?

How is it blatantly obvious?! Unless you’re privy to info I’m not. There’s nothing obvious in the OPs post to suggest what really happened. It’s one persons word against the other, in which case why would OP side with the other boy? Guess we’ll just have to agree to disagree…🤷‍♀️

Yeah and YOU don’t know them, so why are you hell bent on defending a male you don’t even know?

It seems blatantly obvious her son has been inappropriate. There’s no smoke without fire.

Like I said, people like you are part of the problem. Would you lie to protect your son if you knew he attacked or assaulted someone?

The boy and his mum are saying DS and a group of mates jumped him

Presumably the boy and his mate could be asked to identify these boys as they are more than likely to be known to them. However, agree with others it, sounds like your son has been pushing his luck for a while at school and rugby and needs the wake up call this will give.

OP your reaction to seeing that boy in your living room is just so weird to me. My reaction would’ve been happiness - they’ve put whatever stuff they’ve got between them behind and their friends again why wouldn’t you want to celebrate that?
it sounds like his exit from the rugby club with a result of a series of incidents but if we can get this old friend to go with him, you could have one last stitch at saying he’s gonna turn a new leaf. I think you should try that if he’s got the guts if it doesn’t work, then he needs to find another rugby club. And perhaps you and him can find ways of dealing with his anger issues now he realises bad effect they can have on his life.

I can understand how worried you must be about your son. The potential repurcussions must be frightening. Others have already suggested you ask for evidence of the investigation conducted by the club before kicking your DS off the team but, if they have a strict no fighting rule, I doubt they'll be keen to have your DS back, as he's admitted to fighting and you say he's already had issues at the club because of his language/backchat.

Yes, we all fuck up, but your DS has clearly had issues for some time, and no warnings seem to have had an effect. He has a temper and has been in trouble multiple times. It's a bit dismissive to say it hasn't yet become violent or involved police. At some point or other, it was always going to escalate, because he clearly doesn't know how to manage his feelings appropriately. You were all lucky the fight wasn't worse - one unlucky punch is all it takes to cause brain damage or for someone to fall, hit their head and die.

Regardless of what will happen, he hasn't ruined his life. Things are not as bad as they seem. He can turn things around by learning how to speak and act in a different way and just concentrate on school/sport and moving forward. Maybe he'll be able to coach in the future and maybe he won't, but he will be able to do something positive, even if it's not what he envisaged when he was younger.

It sounds like he has had multiple other run ins at the club, including coaches needing to physically seperate him from fighting, and multiple disorder for being verbally agressive

I would suspect he has had previous behaviour warnings

This kind of thing is looked on very poorly (as previous poster said) because discipline is a very important skill in rugby. Clubs can be fined for poor attitude from their players. Similar to football, it creates a gaping hole in your team where you end up a man down frequently, and hot headed players become deliberately targeted by opposing teams to gain penalties and get someone out/ get people off the pitch.

At 16, OPs son is likely to either be playing with younger teens (who's parents arent likely to want them to play with an agressive player) or moving into more adult teams with higher standards of behaviour

The reality is an 18 year old hot head isnt likely to go far if he isnt listening to refs, and getting into scraps repeatedly. That would have usually been stamped out by this point

Yeah I know, I was thinking it was relevant more in terms of trying to unravel what is going on between OP’s DS and this boy.

Sounds like your son is questioning his sexuality and has hit out at someone else to cover his own mental turmoil.

Regarding the dbs, if he isn't convicted of it it is very unlikely to be on his certificate. Depends on a lot of factors included severity of any injuries and if the investigation is ongoing at the time of the application but its unlikely

Regardless of whether they are friends homophobia is homophobia and there should be absolute zero tolerance.

I don't agree that the rugby club can kick a kid out at will, surely every member has to be treated fairly as they are in receipt of State funding through the nation body. OPs son has the right to a fair hearing, particilarly as this could have a huge impact on his future if he intends to coach.

OP I think you need to meet with the club management team and requrst that your son is reinstated as his future has been put in jeapordy on the allegation on one boy, that they didn't investigate, and let them know that the boys are friends again, so the 'victim' obviously doesn't feel at risk.

If the club don't shift, I think you need to see a solicitor.

I think the club has reacted very poorly, this can't be the first time they've had to deal with fights between boys, to decide that one is to blame based on what one of the mothers told them is very unreasonable.

I guess they picked their side. I do understand they may have had little choice.

You're right that it's a privilege to be accepted onto a sports team. Not a given right.

As a grassroots coach I can tell you that we can kick out whomever we want, or not accept kids if we don’t want to. I haven’t had to kick a child out yet but I have read the riot act to a few over the years … and pointed out that we don’t HAVE to have them in a team, we don’t have to coach them.
We had a n enquiry from a potential new player a few weeks ago but then tonight parents made us ask on the WA grps for the club if anyone knew of them and the message came through kid and clear - decent enough kid, NIGHTMare parents. Stay well clear of the family.

I don't understand how he was kicked out of rugby if the fight was basically mutual? And if he maintains he didn't say homophobic slurs, there would need to be witnesses that corroborate the other kid, that he did say those things?

Otherwise it's just one kid's word against the other. I honestly hope you can appeal it or get him back on the team.

Is your son much bigger than the other boy? It seems extremely one sided as a response to what was an incident between two people rather one attacking the other.

I’m sorry @Daalden but from what you’ve said here I absolutely believe that the other boy’s recollection of the event is probably the correct version , it sounds like your son could do with some anger management and less excuses from you .

Absolutely this. Someone who can’t control their temper is a real danger on the pitch.

OP, there’s more to it. Sorry but there is. And if your lad has had form up until now with temper, or aggression or swearing or other stuff that you don’t know about then the coaches may just have had enough and decided that the team are better off with lout your son.
If one of our team behaved like this, then started scrapping and calling names - they’d be out. We’re all volunteers, our coaches, and we quite frankly don’t have to put up with that shit.
also - I do believe in the heat of the moment he was more than capable of using homophobic slurs even if he isn’t actually homophobic.

You need to stop making excuses for the lad, sit him down, try to get him to tell you the truth and take it from there. If nothing else this is a lesson to be learned for him about behaviour and consequences.The only way out would be to understand what he said- really said - why and to give a full apology.
As for all the stuff with the police etc, that’ll come to nothing.

OP knows her son. We don’t. So a stranger on the internet shouldn’t be telling her to go against her son when there’s no proof. I’ve had teens. It’s a minefield with school/friendships. You have to navigate it how you feel it should be dealt with at the time.

Well of course he is. Because he’s a friend of the other boy. Teens are quite adept at lying. Not saying they’re lying, but if your son was telling you one thing, and someone else’s son was telling you another, where would your loyalties lie without proof either way? If there was proof my son had said what was alleged,I’m would absolutely say his punishment was valid and that he should accept it.

OP stated that there was also another boy present who is taking the other boys side.

People like you are part of the problem.

Oh theres no ‘concrete evidence’ so the poor little man couldn’t possibly have done it…..

It is very unlikely people make up being abused or attacked. It is VERY likely people lie that they didn’t do it when they did.

No she shouldn’t blindly stand by her son just because. Thats not doing him any favours in the future either.

It doesn’t matter. If someone beats someone up and makes it clear that it’s because they think the victim is gay, it would still be considered a homophobic crime whether the victim was actually gay or not.

We can’t actually minimise something which we don’t know to be true. There were two of them there. We have no idea who’s lying, so in the absence of any concrete evidence that her son did say anything to the other boy, then the OP should stand by her son.

Do you make of a habit of minimising verbally abusive, homophobic, aggressive angry males?

Because I sure don’t.