Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this ignorance or just 2025?

139 replies

Andonemorething25 · 16/09/2025 20:18

We live in a posh bit of the SE . He’s been to a top 10 Uni. It’s not an Exeter/ Durham type place though and he’s nerdy not sporty.

He’s been invited to a black tie event. I asked him if he had a DJ and he didn’t know what that was. He thought it just meant wear a black tie.
Turns out he has never worn a dinner jacket or been to a posh do.
As a rural child of the 80’s it was just something that happened at the end of every year.. , Young Farmers, Secondary School, College, Rugby, Uni. Grew up with James Bond etc
Is he just actually a bit odd or is it not a thing anymore?

OP posts:
DLin4 · 16/09/2025 21:08

Needmorelego · 16/09/2025 20:39

I am actually trying to figure out what the "DJ" means in this.
It's not the guy doing the music...but what?
Edit : oh wait...Dinner Jacket 😂

Edited

Same here 😂

Needmorelego · 16/09/2025 21:06

@Andonemorething25 "DJ" to most people is the bloke in charge of the music.
(or female... obviously)

Edenmum2 · 16/09/2025 21:06

I’ve never heard DJ in this context, and I grew up in a posh bit of the SE also.

Tbh it sounds like something David Brent would say.

Original poster
Andonemorething25 · 16/09/2025 21:05

Ok slightly reassured that it might not be so obvious these days.

OP posts:
AmpleLilacQuail · 16/09/2025 21:04

I’ve never been to a black tie event, I’m 33!!

Original poster
Andonemorething25 · 16/09/2025 21:03

Jackiepumpkinhead · 16/09/2025 20:45

Who are you talking about, your son? If so, why haven’t you told him what a DJ is?

I thought I had! Or the information had just passed on. It’s not unusual where I live.

Re a PP - A tuxedo is more an American expression. I thought a DJ in reference to a black tie event was obvious in the UK.

OP posts:
TaborlinTheGreat · 16/09/2025 21:03

TheendofmrY · 16/09/2025 20:54

I’ve never in my 40 years been to a black tie event and I wouldn’t know what a ‘DJ’ beyond the person in charge of the music. I’m intrigued at the idea that anyone who went to a top uni would automatically be familiar with that. We didn’t all spend our degrees attending rugby balls or whatever.

Oops. Quoted the wrong post. Was meant to be this one.

TaborlinTheGreat · 16/09/2025 21:02

Springadorable · 16/09/2025 20:57

There are plenty of posts on here trying to work out what is black tie suitable, so he's hardly alone.

You don't have to attend them to be aware of them though.

I don't think people call them a DJ any more, OP. Maybe if you'd said tux / tuxedo he might have known what you meant.

DappledThings · 16/09/2025 21:01

I'm 46, never been to a black tie event. I'd know what it meant for a man and I'd pick out a dress I was happy with but I don't know for certain it would be considered black tie equivalent.

We had formals at university but they weren't black tie.

Springadorable · 16/09/2025 20:57

There are plenty of posts on here trying to work out what is black tie suitable, so he's hardly alone.

TheendofmrY · 16/09/2025 20:54

I’ve never in my 40 years been to a black tie event and I wouldn’t know what a ‘DJ’ beyond the person in charge of the music. I’m intrigued at the idea that anyone who went to a top uni would automatically be familiar with that. We didn’t all spend our degrees attending rugby balls or whatever.

Addictforanex · 16/09/2025 20:51

Needmorelego · 16/09/2025 20:46

But is that "nice dress from M+S" or a dress like they wear at the Oscars?
(what exactly is a dinner jacket?)

Show quote history

More floor length evening gown than dress from M&S (unless they do that kind of thing now, I only tend to buy school uniform, pants and tights there)

user1471453601 · 16/09/2025 20:50

I'm in my late 70s . I kind of knew what a black tie event was, and what a DJ was. But to be sure,I'd have to Google, and I sure as hell have never needed to google, cos I've never been invited to such an I event, not would I care to go to one.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 16/09/2025 20:49

Needmorelego · 16/09/2025 20:46

But is that "nice dress from M+S" or a dress like they wear at the Oscars?
(what exactly is a dinner jacket?)

Show quote history

More like Oscars than M&S but not quite that posh (or outlandish).

In answer to the OP, I don’t think it’s that weird not to know! Especially at only 22.

Panicmode1 · 16/09/2025 20:49

I went to balls and black tie dinners a lot as a young adult but my father was in the military and so perhaps it was more a thing...plus we did have balls at (boarding) school and uni (graduated mid 90s).

My now uni students/young adults haven't really been to as many black tie events - their (state grammar) does a 6th form ball after A levels which is black tie, but that's about it. DS1 is at Oxbridge and so has been to May Balls and formal black tie dinners/events but DD (RG but neither of the one you mention) doesn't really have black tie events.

I think it's probably a sign of the times...generally people are less formal in their dress and mores nowadays??

LorelaiGilmorepoodles123 · 16/09/2025 20:47

Urgh the snobbery in your post op. He'd only know what black tie is if he'd been exposed to those kind of dos growing up, which it sounds like he hasn't. That doesn't make him odd

mamabluestar · 16/09/2025 20:46

I think you're odd phrasing the post like this

Needmorelego · 16/09/2025 20:46

Bikergran · 16/09/2025 20:45

Dinner jacket and bow tie for men, dressy (usually long) outfits for women.

Show quote history

But is that "nice dress from M+S" or a dress like they wear at the Oscars?
(what exactly is a dinner jacket?)

purpleme12 · 16/09/2025 20:45

I wouldn't have known DJ meant dinner jacket
I'd have thought DJ as in music

Bikergran · 16/09/2025 20:45

Needmorelego · 16/09/2025 20:35

I'm 50 and don't really know exactly what "black tie" clothes would be.
🤷

Dinner jacket and bow tie for men, dressy (usually long) outfits for women.

Jackiepumpkinhead · 16/09/2025 20:45

Who are you talking about, your son? If so, why haven’t you told him what a DJ is?

missmollygreen · 16/09/2025 20:44

Andonemorething25 · 16/09/2025 20:33

He’s 22.
I’m just a bit taken aback. I just assumed he would know what black tie meant. It’s fairly mainstream. How does he not know?

Because if everyone knew everything think how shit a pub quiz would be!

Addictforanex · 16/09/2025 20:44

Who is “he”?

If you called it a tuxedo he might know what that is.

Peacepleaselouise · 16/09/2025 20:43

I doubt most 22 year olds would know, it’s something you would go to for a charity event or a fancy party - not something the typical teen is exposed to unless they go to a very fancy school/uni.

verycloakanddaggers · 16/09/2025 20:43

Andonemorething25 · 16/09/2025 20:33

He’s 22.
I’m just a bit taken aback. I just assumed he would know what black tie meant. It’s fairly mainstream. How does he not know?

He didnt know the phrase, now he does.

I don't think it's a big deal. There will be things he knows that you don't.

Swipe left for the next trending thread