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Original poster

Is this ignorance or just 2025?

139 replies

Andonemorething25 · 16/09/2025 20:18

We live in a posh bit of the SE . He’s been to a top 10 Uni. It’s not an Exeter/ Durham type place though and he’s nerdy not sporty.

He’s been invited to a black tie event. I asked him if he had a DJ and he didn’t know what that was. He thought it just meant wear a black tie.
Turns out he has never worn a dinner jacket or been to a posh do.
As a rural child of the 80’s it was just something that happened at the end of every year.. , Young Farmers, Secondary School, College, Rugby, Uni. Grew up with James Bond etc
Is he just actually a bit odd or is it not a thing anymore?

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
PrincessOfPreschool · 17/09/2025 23:06

AllrightNowBaby · 17/09/2025 22:28

Bizarre thread…
is she actually talking about her son?

I reckon it's her daughter's bf that she's picking holes in.

PrincessOfPreschool · 17/09/2025 23:05

I think it's 2025. Plus just 'most people'. You are probably the minority, OP.

My DH is 53 and he doesn't own a dinner jacket or the trousers/shirt etc.

At DD's prom not one single boy was in black tie whereas the girls did mostly look like they were going to a ball or the Oscars. Many boys wore black shirts with black ties of even bow ties, which is apparently the height of cool.

wineosaurusrex · 17/09/2025 22:59

Needmorelego · 16/09/2025 20:39

I am actually trying to figure out what the "DJ" means in this.
It's not the guy doing the music...but what?
Edit : oh wait...Dinner Jacket 😂

Edited

My response exactly! 😂

TwistedWonder · 17/09/2025 22:38

StrawberrySquash · 17/09/2025 14:26

My office dos in the 2000s tended to be black tie, although not necessarily full length for women. But they've tailed off since then, in the same way I'm typing this wearing jeans. Wouldn't have been in 2005. I think my first black tie do was sixth form, and then we had the odd ball at university (old university, not particularly posh)

Agree with this. My company Christmas party used to be black tie and posh frocks in the 80’s and 90’s but back then we all wore suits and heels to work and went into the office 5 days a week - the world has moved on and all of those things are very passé in 2025

cheesychipsontheoche · 17/09/2025 22:30

I would probably have known what black tie meant when I was a teen/at uni age but that’s only because Jilly Cooper was compulsory reading and gave quite the insight into these types of things.

AllrightNowBaby · 17/09/2025 22:28

Bizarre thread…
is she actually talking about her son?

TwistedWonder · 17/09/2025 22:24

Im almost 60 and although I know what black the means, I’ve never been to that sort of event in my life. The thought of it brings me out in hives.

Im not sure my 21 year old DS would have a clue

BartonInthebeans · 17/09/2025 22:22

I've been to (and worked at, when younger) various black tie events, familiar with the requirements etc but can't honestly remember ever hearing "DJ" used for dinner jacket 🤔

WellMaybeYouShouldntBeLivingHeeeeeeee · 17/09/2025 21:51

Andonemorething25 · 17/09/2025 20:22

@childofthe607080s I’m using it in the literal sense.
Ignorance - lack of knowledge or information.

Well, but if this were true, you wouldn’t have needed to ask ‘Is this ignorance?’ — because in the literal sense, of course it is.

Pps are justified in detecting an element of judgement in your phrasing.

Original poster
Andonemorething25 · 17/09/2025 20:22

@childofthe607080s I’m using it in the literal sense.
Ignorance - lack of knowledge or information.

OP posts:
childofthe607080s · 17/09/2025 16:44

Also come back to say that “ignorance” seems a very harsh word for something so trivial as what to wear

it’s a word I would use if someone didn’t vaccinate their child against measles against medical advise , but not for clothing matters. A black tie event would obviously mean wear a black tie but a clique decided it meant more and not everyone moves in those circles

AlaKart · 17/09/2025 16:32

A good Dinner Jacket is like a good tweed sports jacket they are inherited. Should last at least 2 generations possibly 3.
The styles don't change enough over 50 years for a man to notice. 😄

ponyprincess · 17/09/2025 15:40

Needmorelego · 16/09/2025 20:39

I am actually trying to figure out what the "DJ" means in this.
It's not the guy doing the music...but what?
Edit : oh wait...Dinner Jacket 😂

Edited

This was my first reaction too 😂

BreakingBroken · 17/09/2025 15:11

@DappledThings graduate/grad from secondary school. Prom in fancy dress and fancy suits.

FontainesDH · 17/09/2025 14:49

mamabluestar · 16/09/2025 20:46

I think you're odd phrasing the post like this

I agree. The phrasing is strange and you've expressed your point in a rather peculiar fashion, OP.

StrawberrySquash · 17/09/2025 14:26

My office dos in the 2000s tended to be black tie, although not necessarily full length for women. But they've tailed off since then, in the same way I'm typing this wearing jeans. Wouldn't have been in 2005. I think my first black tie do was sixth form, and then we had the odd ball at university (old university, not particularly posh)

seratoninmoonbeams · 17/09/2025 14:22

What a strange and kind of pointless thread. I know it’s all nice chatting and discussing, having opinions and things but I genuinely can’t really see any point to this apart from the OP pointing out ‘posh’ stuff.

ButSheSaid · 17/09/2025 14:12

It never would've occured to me in a lifetime that DJ was an abbreviation for dinner jacket! A whole other world.

Fabiand · 17/09/2025 13:29

NotAMessiahJustAVeryNaughtyBoy · 17/09/2025 12:09

I’m pushing 40 and never been to a black tie event before. But I’m a frightful povvo tbf. I was confused by the OP as I wondering why “he” was expected to organise his own DJ for an event he’s been invited to. Thought you meant the type of DJ that plays music. But like I said, frightful povvo.

frightful povvo
this could be a fabulous username!

NotAMessiahJustAVeryNaughtyBoy · 17/09/2025 12:09

I’m pushing 40 and never been to a black tie event before. But I’m a frightful povvo tbf. I was confused by the OP as I wondering why “he” was expected to organise his own DJ for an event he’s been invited to. Thought you meant the type of DJ that plays music. But like I said, frightful povvo.

TheNightingalesStarling · 17/09/2025 12:06

This is going to sound so pretentious... I've been to dozens of balls. And black tie dinners...

A mixture of University, being a musician at University (Sheffield, so not posh posh!), plus dating and marrying an Army officer.

Its a bit sad but Covid seems to have killed off the old tradition of numerous dinners and balls in Mess life. They were sometimes as dull as ditchwater(such as when speeches were still going on at Midnight) and other times a fantastic laugh.

A dinner jacket (or tux) basically has shiny lapels. Thers often a shinny seem on the trousers. Dress shirts are just a fancier material. Often something like a cummerbund. Then a bow tie (but not always).

Ladies is a long glam dress, varying between knee and ankle depending on event. Shoulders might need to be covered. Nice shoes. Suits or jumpsuits might be suitable

My 12yo knows how to dress formally due Rugby Presentation evenings

ButSheSaid · 17/09/2025 12:03

I'm in my 40s and don't know what black tie means for men or women.

(Also, whatever the event, I would not be attending, I only wear comfortable clothes and a forced dress code wouldn't be enjoyable for me)

Sidebeforeself · 17/09/2025 11:33

That’s nothing. My friends 21 year old acquaintance thought the Gov just pays your bills when yo are unemployed.As in you literally send them your bills…

Needmorelego · 17/09/2025 11:30

@sweeneytoddsrazor I don't know what makes a dress a "cocktail dress" either.

SummerFrog25 · 17/09/2025 10:42

Andonemorething25 · 16/09/2025 20:33

He’s 22.
I’m just a bit taken aback. I just assumed he would know what black tie meant. It’s fairly mainstream. How does he not know?

It's not him that's being odd!

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