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Original poster

Hubby wants to do a 6 week holiday alone

683 replies

Piratecatcher · 16/09/2025 19:59

Hi My hubby age 69 wants to go hiking solo for 6 weeks ..doing the Camino.. I am very upset about it as I feel its too long to be apart and also hurt that he is ok with that.. We have a good relationship usually and adult children. I have happily accepted him doing solo two week hikes in the past but 6 weeks feels too long and I am not a long distance hiker so I can’t join him. We are arguing about it.. Am I being selfish? He thinks I am.

OP posts:
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BreezyLilacZebra · 20/09/2025 18:16

II would take some time to explore why this is bothering you so much. Are you worried he might not want to come back? Are you worried that it’ll cause you to grow apart? Are you worried you might be helpless without him? (I’m not suggesting it’s any of those things.) Once you figure this out, you can talk to him about your fear. It seems that this isn’t about the trip, but about some insecurity you might have. Perhaps it’s worth addressing that with your husband head on.

CurlewKate · 20/09/2025 12:21

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 20/09/2025 09:56

You’re being emotionally manipulated, it’s a form of coercion and control that’s not healthy.

If I invited a friend on holiday and she bought her partner with her I’d be so pissed off.

You wouldn’t get another invite.

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Yes-absolutely this! I would be so pissed off if my friend’s partner tagged along like that. And as for the idea of filming the trip-that’s completely appalling! A few pictures, yes. But continuous filming? Absolutely not!

BCBird · 20/09/2025 12:03

Provided u are not being left with loads of extra responsibility due to his absence, he has taken safety precautions and is capable of doing this, I really cannot see an issue. Do something out of the ordinary when he's away.

MyElatedUmberFinch · 20/09/2025 11:59

Piratecatcher · 16/09/2025 20:30

I did suggest stages but he won’t do that .. I guess I need to find a trip to do on my own. Unfortunately the stuff I would like to do would be a different season

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That’s fine, you do your thing in a different season, you don’t need to be away when he is unless you want to be. It won’t do any harm for him to fit in a bit with your plans rather than only the other way around.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 20/09/2025 09:56

Kolkai · 18/09/2025 10:34

You've been with your hubby about the same time as I've been with my partner 7 years ish. He wants to do everything together and quite often forgets I have teens and one child under 10, I feel smothered sometimes. A friend asked if I wanted to go to Prague this December as it was her winter dream and she knows I want to go back there one day. He was all sad faced but didn't complain.

I ended up giving in and adding him because I couldn't stand the sad puppy dog eyes anymore but I just wanted to be with my old high school friend I've not seen in the flesh for 15 years and she's almost died twice this last 2 years. So I was the sad one afterwards.
She ended up breaking her leg anyway so this winter is off the table but I hope to go maybe next year.

I'm mostly wheelchair bound and can use crutches short distances so it's not like I'd be galavanting around getting pissed, I just wanna go see that beautiful city again with my dear friend while I still have enough mobility to use crutches and not completely confined to a wheelchair.
She's also the same gender as me so it's not like I'm going on holiday with some random dude either. I have a 360° camera and a camera for taking spatial photos and videos, also live stream available for both so it's not like he couldn't call me and me give him a virtual tour of where I am and the sight seeing I would be doing. She also takes millions of holiday photos wherever she goes so there probably wouldn't be a moment he couldn't see.

Maybe look at hubby taking a 180 or 360 cam with him to clip onto his hiking gear to share the experience with you as often as he could? Might be something he would enjoy being able to do too since if you can't join him physically you can still kind of share it that way.
(My spatial camera eats battery but the 360 camera doesn't so much so if you do then research which is best for quality and battery life)

You’re being emotionally manipulated, it’s a form of coercion and control that’s not healthy.

If I invited a friend on holiday and she bought her partner with her I’d be so pissed off.

You wouldn’t get another invite.

Kindling1970 · 20/09/2025 07:02

Kolkai · 18/09/2025 10:34

You've been with your hubby about the same time as I've been with my partner 7 years ish. He wants to do everything together and quite often forgets I have teens and one child under 10, I feel smothered sometimes. A friend asked if I wanted to go to Prague this December as it was her winter dream and she knows I want to go back there one day. He was all sad faced but didn't complain.

I ended up giving in and adding him because I couldn't stand the sad puppy dog eyes anymore but I just wanted to be with my old high school friend I've not seen in the flesh for 15 years and she's almost died twice this last 2 years. So I was the sad one afterwards.
She ended up breaking her leg anyway so this winter is off the table but I hope to go maybe next year.

I'm mostly wheelchair bound and can use crutches short distances so it's not like I'd be galavanting around getting pissed, I just wanna go see that beautiful city again with my dear friend while I still have enough mobility to use crutches and not completely confined to a wheelchair.
She's also the same gender as me so it's not like I'm going on holiday with some random dude either. I have a 360° camera and a camera for taking spatial photos and videos, also live stream available for both so it's not like he couldn't call me and me give him a virtual tour of where I am and the sight seeing I would be doing. She also takes millions of holiday photos wherever she goes so there probably wouldn't be a moment he couldn't see.

Maybe look at hubby taking a 180 or 360 cam with him to clip onto his hiking gear to share the experience with you as often as he could? Might be something he would enjoy being able to do too since if you can't join him physically you can still kind of share it that way.
(My spatial camera eats battery but the 360 camera doesn't so much so if you do then research which is best for quality and battery life)

I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone like this. It seems really controlling to manipulate you like this. I wouldn’t want to go on holiday with my partner and his friend, bring a third wheel

LivingDeadGirlUK · 19/09/2025 21:29

I understand why you are sad, I would miss my partner too if they went away for 6 weeks, but if you can't do this sort of thing when you are retired then when can you?

LT1982 · 19/09/2025 21:20

Whilst I understand it will be a big change for you to be alone for 6 weeks, life is short and who knows what's around the corner for any of us. Count your blessings that he's fit and healthy enough to travel and hike

PissedOff2020 · 19/09/2025 16:33

It’s probably something he won’t be able to do if he waits much longer. If you won’t do it with him does that mean he’s unable to go? Seems selfish yes. You’re married but you’re still individuals

BruFord · 19/09/2025 13:30

MyMilchick · 19/09/2025 12:28

He's almost 70, hardly middle aged! (but agree with the rest of your post!) Being realistic the poor guy is not going to be able to do a hike like that in a few years

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Exactly @MyMilchick. None of us o is what’s around the corner health wise so if he’s currently in good shape to do this challenging hike, he should do it.

I’m interested in walking the Camino as well (very slowly!) and at 51, I’m hoping to do it in the next decade, I m not waiting.

Whatsallthisthen2025 · 19/09/2025 12:29

Looks like another OP who ran away because she was wrong and was bluntly told she was wrong.

MyMilchick · 19/09/2025 12:28

SandrenaIsMyBloodType · 19/09/2025 12:08

You seem to be married to a middle-aged man who has dreams, drive and determination. These are attractive qualities.
It seems you have three choices:-

  1. Persuade him not to go. He forever feels a degree of resentment because you stopped him from achieving something.
  2. Keep arguing, moaning and being needy but eventually concede that he is going. He goes and spends 6 weeks feeling that you took the shine off something important to him. 6 weeks is a lot of time for him to spend reflecting alone on whether he feels you are a supportive life partner.
  3. Apologise. Get enthusiastic for him. Make sure he leaves feeling loved, supported and knowing that he is married to a capable, independent woman with dreams, drive and determination of her own. He spends 6 weeks achieving his dream, walking and reflecting on how much he values you and your support.

He's almost 70, hardly middle aged! (but agree with the rest of your post!) Being realistic the poor guy is not going to be able to do a hike like that in a few years

SandrenaIsMyBloodType · 19/09/2025 12:08

You seem to be married to a middle-aged man who has dreams, drive and determination. These are attractive qualities.
It seems you have three choices:-

  1. Persuade him not to go. He forever feels a degree of resentment because you stopped him from achieving something.
  2. Keep arguing, moaning and being needy but eventually concede that he is going. He goes and spends 6 weeks feeling that you took the shine off something important to him. 6 weeks is a lot of time for him to spend reflecting alone on whether he feels you are a supportive life partner.
  3. Apologise. Get enthusiastic for him. Make sure he leaves feeling loved, supported and knowing that he is married to a capable, independent woman with dreams, drive and determination of her own. He spends 6 weeks achieving his dream, walking and reflecting on how much he values you and your support.
cardibach · 19/09/2025 11:08

CelestialGazer · 16/09/2025 20:13

I’d be absolutely fine with this. In fact my retired DP wants to do the Camino, and I have already said that, whilst I do some long distance walking, it wouldn’t be for me (too long). So they are very welcome to go alone or with a walking friend of theirs. They are happy with that too. I will probably go away and do something I want to do for some of that time when they finally get around to arranging it.

Off topic, but you can do the last 100k and get a pilgrimage accreditation. I did it this year and it was great - why not do the last week with him?

phoenixrosehere · 19/09/2025 09:40

CurlewKate · 18/09/2025 15:28

Because it would be my thing. I would think about it and plan it. I would choose what I wanted to listen to and read and if I wanted a rest day,or a completely silent day, I’d want to choose it to suit myself rather than having to fit in with someone else. It would be a very hard thing to do and I wouldn’t want to have to think about anyone but myself.

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Agree with this.

I love solo hiking and if DH was with me, I wouldn’t enjoy it as much. I go to challenge myself, to connect with my inner self, ruminate, meditate, and just be. DH needs numerous things going at once, he needs constant breaks (food and bathroom), tummy is always dodgy. He has to be fed and watered every few hours or he’ll talk about how he hadn’t eaten in xyz. I plan my trip and what I bring in advance and having him with me would be having to add extra stops I don’t want or require.

I’d lose it and tell him to go home on the first day or just tell him to catch up with me when he can and walk faster just for peace.

CameltoeParkerBowles · 19/09/2025 08:05

pictoosh · 16/09/2025 20:36

I'm another who would wave him off with good grace.
I think you are being selfish. Sorry. x

Very selfish, and rather needy, really. If a man behaved like this it would be an LTB matter.

Bruisername · 18/09/2025 22:32

I think OP might be on her way to Santiago tbh

jbm16 · 18/09/2025 22:32

FluffyBenji23 · 18/09/2025 10:50

Slight word of warning here. A close friend's already X husband (deserted her and their two young children) did this. He met yet another woman and left his SECOND wife for her. It didn't last, but he wasn't the only one in his group of male Camino walkers who left their marriages after meeting someone on the Pilgrimage.

The guy is 69...

CoffeeLipstickKeys · 18/09/2025 22:27

LadyRoughDiamond · 18/09/2025 21:25

Why don’t you just go for part of the trip and share some of the experience with him?

No
let him have autotomy and hobbies
He doesn’t need his wife tagging along because she’s insecure . Wife needs to address her insecurities

LadyRoughDiamond · 18/09/2025 21:25

Why don’t you just go for part of the trip and share some of the experience with him?

Deyjxh · 18/09/2025 20:59

I want to do the Camino Way. My husband and I walk together but he will have no real interest in this type of walk. I will want to take my time and really experience it.
Can you arrange to meet at certain points?

ainsleysanob · 18/09/2025 20:31

T1Dmama · 18/09/2025 02:15

This!! I’m amazed at the votes on this and think it’s bat shit… there’s no way many people would be happy about a partner buggaring off for 6 weeks!
I’d tell him fine but only if there’s enough finances for you to also go away for 6 weeks…. Maybe you could go to New Zealand or Australia for a month !!!

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Why are you so codependent on a spouse or partner?

Laurmolonlabe · 18/09/2025 20:29

Give it up- this post is not about me, I did not ask for your opinion on my relationships and neither did the OP, get a life.

2024onwardsandup · 18/09/2025 20:24

Laurmolonlabe · 18/09/2025 07:19

You believe that if it gives you comfort.

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Okay then if not then what - in a whole lifetime what do you think will happen in six weeks?? What are you not able to cope with on your own for 42 days!!??

BruFord · 18/09/2025 17:28

pinkspeakers · 18/09/2025 17:11

Plenty of people just do it as a walking trip without any particular spiritual element.

But I think even if it is just a walking trip, she shouldn't try to stand in his way.

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@pinkspeakers Yes, the point is that it’s definitely not a 6-week jolly where he’d be out on the pull every night. In that instance, I could completely understand the OP’s reluctance to agree!