To not “babysit” my stepchild?

Yeah Funny that

to which he would probably answer that his Mum will.

There’s no mention of it the NHS website?!

I also feel so sorry for your DSS OP - not because of you, but because it seems neither of his actual parents are bothered about spending any time with him 😭

OP ignore the harsh responses. Step mums are not very popular on MN for reasons I don't quite understand. As a step mum you should uncomplainingly take on all childcare and parental responsibility dumped on you without discussion but don't ever make the mistake of thinking that gives you any parental authority. You are the unpaid nanny and you should stfu and know your place.

Your husband and his ex are cheeky fuckers and he needs to be told asap. Working as a team is one thing but being expected to do everything is another. The amount of time the child is with you and your husband is working has increased significantly since you got married and you were not consulted about how much you were willing to take on. You are being taken for granted. You now know what your husband will be like if you decide to have children together, think carefully about whether that's what you want.

Tell your husband you have plans at the weekend so he will need to make alternative arrangements. Do not get involved in resolving his child care problem. He did not ask you to step in, he simply took it for granted that you had nothing important to do than look after his child. Show him he is wrong and point out that unlike him you have done him the courtesy of communicating your plans rather than leave him in the lurch. Make plans for both days and do go out. Even better if you can arrange a weekend away.

That's a good response!!

You are the child's step-mother. That is a ready-made child you would now be parenting and responsible for, of course. I think that if both his bio parents died, you are the official parent left. He is your child, albeit by marriage. He is still so young so you will be a factor in his life, a responsible adult that he can trust, rely on and look up to as he might his own mother. Think into the future, you and DH stay together, and in 20-30 years' time, your DSS brings over his kids for granny and grandpa to look after, and you will be the granny. Of course he does cos you are his stepmum, his alternate mum.

I cannot understand anyone who is in a relationship with a parent who just wants the parent and not the child. Jeez. It's not ok. He's a child. Do you think he has any idea wtf is going on with the adults in his life? He needs love and looking after. If you can't do that, then get out of their lives and find someone who isn't already a parent.

YANBU because your husband has changed the goalposts. If you DSS was biologically yours, and your husband suddenly expected you to take on a lot more domestically, without discussing it with you first, I'm sure you would be similarly aggrieved.

Given that mum is n mentally unwell there is a very good chance dss might live with you full time, I think you need to think about that and what that means for you…sounds like dh wanted a live in nanny

Have you thought about getting some reading lessons?

Oh do Fuck off. The selfish one's are the parents. You have kids you parent them. OP is not selfish, she is expected to parent a child that's not hers, while the Father finds ways to get out of it.
The step mother has to stand firm and tell the CF parents to parent. It is not diwn to her at all. I would be very clear I would not parent his kid. OP you are doing more than your share.

I have one of these too 😔

Wow.

You're not being at all unreasonable OP. I have a five year old of my own and I wouldn't be impressed if DH was leaving me to solo parent two nights a week and at weekends with no prior agreement! That's not cool even if it's your actual child. You need to have a serious talk and make yourself scarce on the weekend if he seriously thinks that he can head off to do a hobby and leave you with his son.

Looking at this objectively, DH has a very low cost babysitter. Of course he can’t do a hobby when he should be with his child. That poor little boy needs his dad.

@namechangedcusillbeflamed is your DH older than you

I repeat Can you tell me what mental illness manifests itself on weekends but not weekdays

You took hubby and his offspring on, its a package, thats whatmyou sogned up for,you just gotta do the right thing otherwise you risk your relationship

So you’ve married a man with a child. The child has a mentally unstable mother, and is not capable of / is not reliable in parenting him. What exactly about this situation was unknown before you married him?

He should divorce you on the spot and try and find somebody else who’ll actually be his partner in putting the child’s interest first, rather than their own selfish interests.

Yes, I agree, Dad should def step up and op needs to tell him to be around more for his son but when you marry someone with a child, they do come as a package. I am sure op can sort it out between her and her DH if they communicate better. I feel sorry for the child seems like dad doesn’t want to parent him.

OP your partner is taking the piss, poor child both his parents are parming him off.
Please stop looking after your step son, its his Father's responsibility, as for telling you he is taking up a hobby and expecting you to look after him, that is disgusting.
You need to tell him, not discuss,that you expect him to look after his child. You also need the weekend to do what you want. You are not a childminder.
The ex wife, and him, sound well suited, neither want responsibility for this child. This would be a deal breaker for me. I would have made it quite clear I am not his caregiver.

Are you crazy? The OP is doing more than her share - in actual fact if this was her child she’s doing more than 50% of the parenting, let alone what she should contribute as a step-parent.
I think an apology is owed @Holidaytimeyay

That's absolutely out of order of your partner and his ex, they're both taking the piss OP I'm so sorry this is such a tough position for you to be in. Poor you for being expected to do almost everything for a child that isn't yours with no consideration for your wellbeing at all and your poor DSS for having parents that aren't being parents to him. Thank goodness he has you but you shouldn't have to.