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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be absolutely raging at DS17 after shoplifting today?

281 replies

Cathn0 · 16/09/2025 14:43

Hi all, first time posting and I’m honestly shaking with anger and embarrassment right now.

Just had the call no mum wants. DS17 was caught shoplifting in town with a group of his so called mates. Security stopped them and rang me to come collect him. I thought they were joking at first. He was stood there like butter wouldn’t melt and apparently he’d shoved a pair of wireless earbuds down his jacket. Not even decent AirPods 🙄

When I asked him what on earth he was thinking he just shrugged and said everyone else was doing it and it was a laugh. A laugh! I could’ve died on the spot from shame. The security guard was actually really decent with me but made it clear if it happens again the police will be called.

I feel like the worst mum ever. I work hard, I’ve tried to bring him up right and now this. I know he’s not perfect, he’s been hanging round with a rougher crowd lately, but I never thought I’d be the parent of a shoplifter. My mum is living with us as well and of course she’s giving me grief about how this is all my fault. I just want to crawl under a rock.

So… AIBU to be raging at him and ready to come down hard? Do I ground him? Take his phone? March him down to the police station myself? Or is this just one of those teenage daft moments that I need to let him learn from?

I genuinely don’t know what’s fair and what’s over the top. Any advice very welcome

OP posts:
saraclara · 16/09/2025 14:54

SplendidUtterly · 16/09/2025 14:53

Just a daft moment. Tell him how stupid he has been and just move on.

Daft? Just daft?

SplendidUtterly · 16/09/2025 14:53

Just a daft moment. Tell him how stupid he has been and just move on.

SunnyDolly · 16/09/2025 14:52

He definitely needs a punishment of some form but the police wont care, and this is classic stupid impulsive teenage behaviour. My sister did it in Body Shop back in the late 90’s, same thing security caught her and called mum, mum read her the riot act, never happened again.

Noshadelamp · 16/09/2025 14:51

You don't need to be embarrassed or ashamed. We can't control everything our children do. I know you'll probably get lots of "march him down to the police station and ground him forever" replies but I'd be inclined to let him learn from it himself. It's the best way to learn at that age.
The security guard hasn't involved the police so there's no need for you to do that.
At 17 I think any punitive action you take will be counter productive and force him away from you and further into the rougher crowd. He will see you as controlling and that won't go down well. You can't ground a 17 year old forever.

That's just my opinion. I had issues with my son at that age with drinking and drugs experimenting and as counter intuitive as it feels, at 17 they feel like they are adults and want to be treated like that.

Which means they suffer the consequences of their actions.
So make it clear if he does it again and gets caught you will cooperate with the police, but try and guide him towards better friends and activities.

Ablondiebutagoody · 16/09/2025 14:50

Daft moment and the police won't care.

KTheGrey · 16/09/2025 14:49

I have no advice at all but I wanted to say I sympathise with your feelings. If it’s any comfort that does sound like it could be a silly growing up experiment which hopefully won’t happen again.