To be absolutely raging at DS17 after shoplifting today?

Where does he want to travel to? Quite sure some places may be tricky with a criminal record.
I would start with that, then carry on with how will he pay for the holiday - getting a job? Lets look at how many people are applying for each job etc Now out of those how many will have a criminal record?

Get him to google eg how to survive life with a criminal record
Quite a few websites eg https://unlock.org.uk/ with info

It could be worse op, my 10 year old step daughter has been caught shoplifting 3 times in the past 6 months 😫

Anyway I'd give him a bollocking and make sure he understands the seriousness and how a criminal record could affect him.

He absolutely needs to read about criminal records and how that will impact his ability to take certain jobs / be trusted in various environments and also impact his potential earnings and long term future.

If you really want to punish him - Lock him in a room with your mum and no wifi or phone for a few hours.

I got caught shoplifting as a teen. It was the most mortifying thing and it was very transformational- I don’t regret it happening. I was so shaken up it got me out of a “bad” crowd, and I think my “good” friends appreciate someone in the group being very firm that they weren’t doing it again, it reduced peer pressure.

as to why? I didn’t think for a second I’d be caught. That’s why most of us break the law, right? I gave no thought to the shop, the morals of it- don’t forget he’s still young, that kind of stuff doesn’t really resonate- it was just easy. I would urge you not to overthink that part of it too much.

for me, I was grounded for a very long time- best part of 4,6 months I think. I was so shocked and upset I was glad of the break to be honest. I slept a lot. I was so embarrassed I didn’t speak to my parents for weeks- they didn’t want to speak to me either, after the heart to heart.

you’ll all move on from this, promise.

Exactly.

If your son's actions are due to your bad parenting, then your bad parenting is probably caused by your mum's bad parenting...

What a pity that this doesn't happen now.

It would hopefully go some way to making kids think before repeat episodes and keeping their future on the right path.

OP at 17 he really does know right from wrong and unfortunately is now one of the "rougher crowd".
My main concern would be to get him to choose his friends more wisely.

Could be the first time he’s been caught…

I'm amazed at the number of posters dismissing this as just a " daft moment"
Since when was stealing just " daft"?
I wonder what they have taught their own children about right and wrong? Not a lot by the sound of it.

Absolutely he should have some form of punishment.

And also OP.should be having a good discussion with him.about right and wrong and the consequences of dishonesty. And the impact of it : shop lifting isn't a victimless crime

His apathy could be a front. I remember being so upset when my DS stole about £1.50 from a teachers desk. I was devastated, cried, thought this was his gateway to county lines etc, all very dramatic 🙄 only made worse by his complete unbotheredness.

I did find out later once Id calmed down that he was genuinely remorseful, didnt know why he did it, him seeing me so upset also made him feel shit but he just wanted it to all go away and his stupid immature brain thought the best way to do that was to basically ignore it all.

At 17 they are seen as mature in a lot of ways, but it is still very young and young people can do very, very stupid things.

Agree with pp's try talking to him properly when youre in a better headspace for it.

And be aware you will get a lot of replies later in this thread that will be a very deliberate attempt to make you feel like the lowest of the low and that you have raised a potential future crime lord. Be prepared and please let those go over your head. An episode of shoplifting doesn't mean your son is a write off but some will try to make you feel like that.

I would draw a line under it, he knows you're not happy and hopefully he won't do it again. He probably got carried away with his friends and won't become a serial shoplifter.
I remember stealing a magazine in the 80s, just for a laugh with a friend. Never did anything like it again. My now adult son also told me he shoplifted something once or twice when he was about your son's age and just did it for the buzz apparently. He is a respectable adult with a masters and good job now and wouldn't dream of it!
I do think earbuds is a bit different from a cheap thing, so I would definitely have conversations about it and warn him of the risks and how stupid it was.

This. Explain to him how lucky he was that the security guard gave him a second chance, because if he had got a police record for thieving, this could ruin his chances of travelling abroad, could affect a company decision on whether to hire him or not, a landlord's decision on whether to accept him as a tenant and so on. Remind him how much the earbuds cost and ask if they are worth jeopardising his adult future for. If he doesn't believe you, show him online evidence of US not letting people in who have a criminal record, or companies doing police checks before hiring new staff or renting properties. Ask who he;d choose if it was a dead heat between two candidates - the honest one or the one with a record?

Stay calm but ask him thoroughly and insist on answers, so he doesn't gloss over the incident in his own mind. Ask him to put into words why he did it. Peer pressure? Sense of entitlement - the world owes him stuff he wants etc. Get him to decide, for himself, what his priorities are from now on. Explain that it's his choice and if he wants to chance his luck, next time he might end up fined or in court or worse but you really want the best opportunities to be available to him and so you hope he decides to behave responsibly from now on.

At that age they shouldn't even be involving you. He did something stupid and got caught. That's embarrassing and shameful enough.

Of course you can tell him he's a mug. Cut his allowance. Turn off WiFi. Even threaten to kick him out of the house if he does it again.

But at the end of the day he won't be the first teenager to have this happen and it's unlikely the start of a lifelong career as a master criminal.

You mother needs to be told to fuck off and mind her ow business (respectfully 🤣).

OP I had the same experience about two years ago, admittedly it was a bottle of lucozade but honestly I'm not sure if a cheaper item is worse or better. Dh was there an caught DS. I was so upset and angry. My friend who works with teens told me it was very common and not to overreact emotionally. He's not a lost cause. I think come down hard on him of course but don't lose faith in him, he is just an idiot teen right now, not a truly bad person.

I would think the opposite. That this is his gateway to worse criminal activity, and may actually already be the tip of an iceberg.
Serious chat needed, and proper consequences. Grounded etc.

Your reaction is one that many of us would have, being thrown into a situation like that...you're a mum who cares and doesn't want him to be "that" young person. You're now giving him guidance to not be easily led.

First - a private word with your horror of a mum. Your DS must not hear a word of how it’s “all your fault”, he must get a united front from the pair of you about how disgusting his behaviour is.

Next - every privilege you can think of is removed until he presents to you a verbal presentation using U.K. research about the effect on life outcomes from having a criminal record. Loss of earnings over lifetime, average career prospects, likelihood of ending up in jail. How bad it can be with theft (which is a real roll-the-dice offence, anything from a caution to Crown Court) Get him to stand there and explain to you how close he came to fucking his life up.

What a pity you cant allow him to get arrested and spend the night in jail. That would probably concentrate his mind wonderfully on the possible consequences of shoplifting.

"If you get arrested, I'm not picking you up from the police station"

Marching him to the police station would be pointless. The police won't give a shit for such low level shoplifting (they barely give a shit for people actually stealing whole weekly shops/medicines/Greggs food...) and it might just encourage him to think "eh well if the police don't care, what else can I steal?"

Personally I'd focus your message on what a criminal record might do for any future plans he has - if he wants to go travelling Australia and the USA might deny entry, a job will pass him over for a candidate without a criminal record etc so next time he wants to do something for a laugh make sure it's legal! He's not the first teenager to act like a moron for his friends and he won't be the last.

Why would your mum think it’s your fault and how does she expect to remain living with you if she is being so rude?

Your son needs a talking to but natural consequences will apply if he gets caught again. Be clear that you won’t be paying any of the inevitable fines. Be clear that he could be a barrier to certain careers.

I would focus on making sure he has a clear plan for the future - a decent one that doesn’t involve being a thief. It doesn’t reflect on you at all. No need to over react beyond agreeing that you. Have found it embarrassing as you expect better.

I think he's a bit old at 17 for anything you do to sink in now. I went shoplifting with mates when I was about 12 and we got caught. I was absolutely terrified and never did anything of the sort again.