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Original poster

Private school grief

664 replies

Movingonfeelssad · 16/09/2025 12:56

Hey,
just came to the realization that private school for my child will not happen. Local State is good, cannot complain really, he will be fine, but will always wonder what doors private would have opened. We can afford it, mainly because of my income and this created so much pain in my husband that I decided to let it go. As a self made person from a very underprivileged background, it took so much grit and determination to get to where I am right now financially and I find it slightly challenging not to aim for the best for my child. But the value for money makes no sense with today’s fees and increasing costs, lifestyle creep etc…
what is the point of being successful as a professional if I need to hide it all the time? And before you say, yes my husband is very supportive of me otherwise…

OP posts:
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girljulian · 16/09/2025 13:14

If your local state is good, what's the issue? There's a big private school local to us which is extremely expensive but has lesser exam results than the (good) local state. I went to a good local state and then to Oxford, not really sure what more doors a private school could've opened except costing my parents a ton of money.

TheBucketWomen · 16/09/2025 13:13

Just to clarify you are feeling grief because you won’t sent your child to a private school.

I wonder what he’s feeling?

MrsMoastyToasty · 16/09/2025 13:09

There are good private schools and there are bad private schools.
There are good state schools and there are bad state schools.
The quality of the school is not set in stone.
It's as much to do with the motivation of the child.
(I went to a good state primary and a good private secondary school. Like a pp , I do a basic admin job).

AmyDudley · 16/09/2025 13:09

I don't understand why you can't send your child to private school if you have the money, your OP makes no sense.

And grief is an innappropriate word to use, mild annoyance would be more sensible. Your child will be fine at state school, many very successful people have come through this system. (And many private school alumni fail in life)

ShesTheAlbatross · 16/09/2025 13:08

I’m confused, what created so much pain in your husband? The thought of private school? Or private school that is possible because of your income? What is his issue?

PeanutGallerist · 16/09/2025 13:04

Well, a school career isn’t just one day. How old is your child? If they’re just entering Reception you still have years and years of schooling decisions to make.

Surely both you and your husband are committed to finding the best school for your child at every stage? It’s something you, as parents, have to keep under constant review - and as you get to know your child, and the various school systems available to you, you may find yourselves changing your minds several times before they reach 18.

Muffsies · 16/09/2025 13:03

Some kids absolutely hate private school, it doesn't suit them at all. If you want your child to succeed, give them support and encouragement at home.

When it comes to GCSEs you can also send them on cramming courses run by private schools during school holidays. That way they'll get all the advantages of exam coaching at a fraction of the cost of private school fees.

Zippidydoodah · 16/09/2025 13:02

LadeOde · 16/09/2025 13:01

So what on earth did you post for? just to be spiteful, hope you feel better now.

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Oh yes, I do thanks. Every other reply has said the same thing as me.

LadeOde · 16/09/2025 13:01

Zippidydoodah · 16/09/2025 12:58

I don’t get this at all.

boo hoo, poor you, no private school 🙄🙄🙄

what I don’t get is why, if you have the money, you aren’t just doing it (is it to save your husband’s ego? In which case, sod that!)

you might get more sympathy from other posters, but not from me I’m afraid.

So what on earth did you post for? just to be spiteful, hope you feel better now.

Springadorable · 16/09/2025 13:00

Having a parent who can make a decision that doesn't pander to a little man's ego will be much more beneficial than private school, so maybe start there.

Comedycook · 16/09/2025 12:59

If it helps I went to private school from the age of 4-18 and have achieved fuck all career wise...only ever done bog standard admin type jobs.

Angryfrommanchester1 · 16/09/2025 12:59

Sorry I don’t understand why you aren’t doing it? Is it the cost? You said you can afford it, why do you need to hide your wealth?

Handsomesoapdish · 16/09/2025 12:58

Sorry am I reading this right? Your husband’s ego is the reason you are choosing the school for your son. That is a bit off is it not?

Zippidydoodah · 16/09/2025 12:58

I don’t get this at all.

boo hoo, poor you, no private school 🙄🙄🙄

what I don’t get is why, if you have the money, you aren’t just doing it (is it to save your husband’s ego? In which case, sod that!)

you might get more sympathy from other posters, but not from me I’m afraid.