Private school grief

You've demonstrated yourself, that with hard work and grit you can succeed. These are the ethics you need to instill in your child.

Of course a private school education will offer opportunities, but so does a state school education, the opportunities are just different.

Are you living on another planet? Of course they don't!

Many independent schools aren't selective and parents are valuing things other than results. Of course your personal prejudice and assumptions stop you acknowledging that.
Our rural NE independent school isn't chosen because it gets kids to Oxbridge (it doesn't).

Are you living on another planet?
Of course they do.

Out of curiosity, it's that your opinion, then if you want to give your kids a chance to get a spot in one of the top universities in this country, and not just Oxbridge, what do you actually DO?

Of course it can happen but why would you actively chose a chaotic school over a non-chaotic one? Why given an option, would any parent choose an environment with poor behaviour and chaos over a calm learning environment?
There are no prizes for your child "surviving" a chaotic school.

So I think clarity on your situation will help people advise.

What I’m understanding from your post is that as a family you could afford private school but your husband is against the idea…is that right?

On the plus side you say the local school is good, so that’s a start. And if you have the “spare” funds that you won’t be spending on fees, you can offer extra tuition as and when it might be helpful plus spend on other extra circular experiences. Plus you can do some wise investing (extra maybe on top of what you already do) to set your child up very well for their future.

And if it’s true, your child might even me more likely to achieve their chosen uni place as uni’s try to balance from state vs private sector - if your child is heading for uni that is.

just adding to the “bright side” of the situation.

I don’t know anyone who sent their child to private school to have them get to Oxbridge. Who does that? Who treats their child like that?

if you know so..😂

what a stupid comment, why the constant race to the bottom? Jealous much?

Even with exam results - in a wealthy area lots of parents are paying for tutors on top. So it can hugely skew the picture of the school

(And private school parents often pay for tutoring on top as well)

Of course they don’t 😂😂

Agree. My child got all A stars from the below average state school.

That's not a fact, it's an opinion.
No parents I know use independent schools to improve chances of Oxbridge.

This is a very bizarre "all or nothing" take on it.
Can you actually afford it comfortably or would it have meant a lot of sacrifices

Would that money be better saved for a house deposit for him anyway?

Can you use the money to pay for tutors and extra curriculars?

Maybe it's best spent when he.hits secondary age, it's not an all or nothing decision?

What are your husbands objections?

Is the private school actually any good? The private schools round here aren't any better academically than the state schools - the opposite in fact

I know Ofsted results are meaningless, because my DC had a place at an Outstanding school and I refused the place in favour of the just about good school. % are meaningless if your child is in the % to leave with 12 GCSEs at A*, which happens for some students at the most chaotic schools.

I would say neutral about it.
Loved being home 15 mins after school finished and being able to walk rather than having a few hours travelling each day to go elsewhere.
Fact is many send their children private with the hope it gets them to Oxbridge. Many don’t make it from private school.

But exam result % are key. Ofsted judgements are pretty meaningless because this particular school was rated Good

Mine enjoyed state school and had happy school years.

It wasn’t a particularly good secondary school - just out of Requires Improvement at the time. I didn’t look at the exam result percentages, just liked the school.

Did they enjoy school? Did they have happy school years? My experience of state and private are that the private education in a safe, calm environment is a much happier experience.

And your child would be the extreme exception, not the "norm" from such a school.
0 children have gone to Oxbridge from that school in last 10 years.

This is the type of school my child went to and is now at Oxford.

Very easy to say if you have good state schools.
Would you feel the same if you had this as your local state secondary school: 20% of Yr 11s coming out with 5 x GCSEs at Grade 5? I suspect you may then suddenly see the value of an independent school if that state school was your only other option.

what is the point of being successful as a professional if I need to hide it all the time?

What is making you feel you need to hide your professional success all the time? What is causing your husband pain and your own grief, if you can afford to send your child to private school and that is what you want to do?

How confusing.