Private school grief

OP said “value for money makes no sense with today’s fees and increasing costs, lifestyle creep etc…”
I agree.

I sent my kids to a private school, a very good private school - well, actually, it was my ex-husband who paid for it, and me who insisted on it. I didn't get any payoff or alimony, I got the private school fees instead. And it was a waste of money. I wish I'd sent them to state school now and invested that money somewhere else. It's not that they've done badly in life, it's more that I'm sure they'd have done if they'd gone to the local state school. I'd never recommend anyone send their kids to a fee paying school.

I know plenty of people who have been bullied or exposed to drug abuse or sexual abuse at private school. Or just felt so pressure they ended up desperately anorexic.

I don't think either type of school is a guarantee of anything. Parenting pays a huge part too

Op please come back and clarify the reason you're not sending your DC to private school.
Perhaps you made a typo and you meant to say can't afford it? Which is absolutely fine.

I struggle to believe it can actually be because of your DH's ego, that makes no sense that someone who has fought and worked hard as you say to earn a decent income will pander to a man, especially at the expense of their DC's education and potential future opportunities.

I think if you did want to get your child into a top uni then private school is your best bet. But it’s not great parenting to put your wants onto your child. How about letting your child decide for themselves?

Not all of them, though. My cousin sent his two daughters to private schools - both got mediocre results. He also paid to send his two grandsons to private schools - they did even worse than their mothers.

Me - just a bog-standard, huge comprehensive. I have degrees from 4 universities, including Cambridge.

The OP came from a very underprivileged background and has a successful career. The local school is good. I’m not sure what the problem is.

It's not necessarily her husbands ego though is it ? There are several different reasons why people aren't comfortable with private schools.

Sounds like you’re more upset about the fact that your husband can just veto your life choices rather than the private school.

Well if it really is that important to you and you can afford it then I guess it's a choice between what you want for your child and what your husband wants for his ego.

I’m sure most parents wouldn’t choose a chaotic school if they had an alternative. Most don’t have the funds for private schools.

She can afford it, she has dropped it because her husband has had his ego bruised because they can afford it thanks to HER good salary.

Sorry I seem to have mislaid my tiny violin.

94% of children go to state school, many of them end up being very successful.

Make the best decision for your DC, if it goes against your DH's wishes, so what.

Plenty of extremely successful people didn't attend private school. Plenty of bang ordinary people did. It's not some magic bullet to a lucrative career and successful life.

If you would struggle financially as a result of paying school fees then your family would suffer. So it wouldn't be the right decision.

Dwelling on rose tinted imagined ideas about something that's not attainable is not going to do you or your child any favours.

You first. You were the one who claimed it was a fact. Please share the source of that fact

Did you want them to go to private school as you thought it was the best thing for them?

or did you want them to go to private school as you thought it would reflect well on you ?

You were the one who stated "happens for some students at the most chaotic schools". So I was asking why would a parent purposely choose a chaotic school if they had an alternative?

Agree.

then tell us, what do they do?
You know everything, so please clarify and share your knowledge.

Would it help at all to think about the positives of state school? We valued our children getting to know other children from a wide range of backgrounds, having local friends, being able to walk to school, a shorter school day and lots of unstructured play time out of school. They still did plenty of extra curriculars, learnt musical instruments etc. DD1 just got a fantastic set of GCSEs.

You don’t have a crystal ball. Pick the school that is best for your child and where you think they will be happy. That is the only criterion. If it turns out you made the wrong choice - move them. No more to debate.

private school can be very beneficial for some children. Other children less so. I enjoyed my time at my private school- has it opened many doors, some maybe but not many. My state educated hubby is far more successful.

just go for the happiness element and run from there

My child’s school wasn’t chaotic. There are children who leave chaotic schools with a bunch of top grades, though. I’ve seen it happen many times. 93% of parents can’t afford or don’t choose private schools. As for the prize, I’m very pleased not to have spent over £100k on private education for my DC to get the same, if not better results than privately educated peers.

Your husband needs to get over himself and put his child before his ego. There is no way that you should let your child miss out on opportunities because of this.

The privately educated people I know that are high achievers are like that because of their family ethos. Read everything, take risks, be ambitious. I know many privately educated people who have had no more doors open than I have.