Private school grief

I don’t get this , surely all money is family money irrespective of who earns it and hence if you , as a family , can afford private education and that is the best option for your child then that is where your child goes .

Why? Just because they're so expensive? Privileged people can only go? Or that they are the kind of educational environment that would be the best for those who are suited to them, and will thrive there?

What I do find amazing in these threads is the amount of people who are against private schools who have more than 2 children. The cost to raise a child from 0-18 is more than private secondary fees.

I had a choice whether to have another child or pay the secondary school fees and I chose the fees. Other people make a different decision but I know so many people who had only one child to be able to send that child private. People have 2 children or more have way more money than they do but yet judge them for being elitist when they simply made a different decision.

Then don't reply? Or strike the "boo hoo" bit? Curiosity or asking to elaborate is surely just fine, but ridicule because OP's problems/issues are (presumably) far removed from yours? That's just unnecessary.

Anyways - if you want to send your child to private school, and they're bright/suited to the school you want them to go to, then do that, if you can afford to?

We've done a mix in the end - long story - and are lucky to be able to give our kids what we believe are the best opportunities. BUT the main bit is that they're thriving and have a supportive set of adults (us as parents and a grandparent) on hand taking an interest in their homework, education, opinions etc. A kid thriving in the school they're at & enjoying learning - because the school's a great match, and/or their friends are there, they love it there for academic and non-academic reasons - will do better than miserable kids. So private education is not the be all and end all. A happy kid though goes a very long way, wherever they are.

How thrilling for you! you've met your kind.

My DD isn't from a well off background. I've had a middle class upbringing but we definitely are nowhere near the level of income of my parents.

I agree that private school children mostly come from privileged backgrounds, but some like my DD are there on their own merits, and have earned a scholarship. We certainly couldn't ever afford full fees if we didn't have a bursary too.

She's fully awwre of those less privileged and more privileged than her, and is a well rounded teenager.

🙄

Nasty.

You are overpaid

You’re absolutely correct and I understand that if previous generations have been privately educated than that is the preferred option. The point I was making (which I’ve observed) is that those from less financially well off backgrounds see sending their kids to private school as the pinnacle of achievement as I’m assuming they associate going to private school as being “better” than others x

Fair enough. As stated, I'm just going by my own personal observations.

There's everything wrong with private schools.

Sorry, I’m not following?

Why have you decided not to send your child to private school? It’s because your DH wouldn’t be the one paying, you would? Why is that an issue?

To be honest, my DH wasn’t completely sold on private schools for our kids (even though he went to one himself) as we live on the doorstep of some excellent state schools. But I reminded him that I work fucking hard slogging my guts out for ££££ and if I want to spend my money on the best education money can buy for my kids, then if they pass the entrance tests, they are going and that’s all there is to it. End of conversation.

Nothing wrong with private school. I think it's been the best place to send my DD.

I was agreeing with you. Then realised how I wrote it wasn’t very clear. I meant on the thread it’s being suggested that private schools aren’t diverse. That’s not my experience or yours as you very clearly explained.

I see a lot of defensive justification of private education.

I'm glad you're all happy with your decisions.

Anyway the OP has posted a goady thread and run, and I'm not going to be part of the entertainment any more.

This isn't necessarily true. I dont know anyone who went to private school, and that certainly wouldn't have influenced why I sent my DD there! 😳😆

This. In spades. My DD is at a top girls' private school, and thriving. It suits her down to the ground.

She's conscientious, extremely intelligent, and very driven - all skills that would have been used at any good state school.

But i know where she is best suited to, at a private school as she gets extremely bored and definitely needs the small classes, brilliant facilities etc

Each to their own of course.

In my experience, and I can only write from personal experience of our family and those around us, the people going to private schools do so because their parents and other family members went to private schools.

Many people we know prioritise private schools over everything else so if anything our 'social standing' is less because we aren't driving huge SUVS and going on multiple holidays.

I was replying to a poster who said that at state schools kids only mix with kids from the same background as themselves.

Well honestly I have done state and private for my kids, I am privately educated myself and my husband is state and honestly we are all a much of a muchness. No black book of contacts for either of us, went to the same university with the same degree (actually my husband beat me and got a 1st). Literally you wouldn’t be able to say what type of school any of us went to. Which is why I’m a bit easy going about picking the right school for the right child rather than getting bogged down into some sort of class warfare on it

I don't understand the OP really, and as she has not returned maybe we never will. I think she is saying that her husband can't stand the idea (is in "pain" from it??) of her paying for private school, not that he is ideologically opposed? In which case that is ridiculous. In my case there was no choice as my stepdaughters were not eligible for state school, but I was happy to pay for the private school as I was the main breadwinner and that was my role (later on the only breadwinner as he became a SAHD to our son). DH was of course perfectly happy with it all too. Are men really that ridiculous in this day and age?

But they had the money. They decided to spend it on the school. The children presumably were happy and were well educated. If they then chose to do something else then I don’t see the problem.

no one has a crystal ball .

Imy friend was a teacher and she taught in a selective private school school. The results weren’t great so I asked, why do parents pay for that if they aren’t getting value for money in terms of results? She replied that for many of the kids they would either fail completely in the state system, or fall into the wrong crowd and goodness knows what else. Sending them to the private school was to just keep the kids on the straight and narrow and come out with the best grades they could. That was money well spent.

If you can afford to send your child/children to private school then do it.
Your DH will really have to come to terms with it.

We choose private school because the local state school is dismal. If there was a good state school, we'd have chosen that at the time.

At this stage, we are seeing how much private school suits our children so we wouldn't change back to state schools.

However we live pretty frugally and have prioritised schools and we always knew this would be the case.

Apologies for spelling errors/typos earlier post. I can’t edit it for some reason. My children’s friends at private secondary are from Hong Kong, Germany, Italy, Spain. It’s different to your average school but it is diverse. If “diverse” means average or poor income households as seems to be suggested here - there are multiple kids on bursaries including one from a traveller family who has an unusual talent. There are all faiths and none. It’s more diverse than local church schools.