Private school grief

I live in Oxfordshire and many private schools around here run GCSE and A-level cramming courses over the Easter holidays. Anyone can book their children onto them. Sometimes they are for day pupils (you go in each day), and some are residential (your child will board there).

I sent my eldest son on a two week boarding course to help improve his GCSE grades. He was academically clever and had aspirations, but needed the discipline of private school to get him to knuckle-down a bit more and learn exam techniques. It made a massive difference to his grades and gave him the skills to go on to ace his A-levels, too. He's a qualified engineer now.

Many private schools run them as it's a good way of making extra money out of term time.

Private school parent here.
Similar opportunities can be recreated by tutoring, joining clubs such as scouts and sports clubs and by learning an instrument.
Also go on educational holidays: a week in Rome, visit museums and take up skiing.
Private school makes it a lot easier as all these opportunities are provided in the long school day and Saturday morning so no need for us to do much outside school.
But it would be possible to recreate.

Why do people keep posting on rage bait threads where “OP” is never going to return 🙄

They are independent grind schools. . Many of the kids in private school go to them too.! They are usually on during school breaks but are on weekends too.

I really disagree that this is always the case. My own son was relentlessly bullied in his private school. I had no choice but to move him after 3 years. He was eventually stabbed trying stop the bullying of another child. The private school did absolutely nothing as they need bums on seats to survive these days.

I moved him to the only local school with space - good Ofsted but terrible rep, people were horrified. It was the making of him, he did very well at GCSE and the pastoral and wellbeing support was fantastic.

I could afford it at a stretch but don’t feel the exhorbitant fees represent value for money in terms of the benefit they would get. Instead I’m putting some money away in a stocks and shares ISA each month so that he’ll have a nice big lump sum when the time comes - that way he can use the money for a house deposit, university fees or any kind of course/training he needs for the future. Would this be a reasonable compromise for you?

I’ve never heard of this, sounds really interesting. Is it only select schools?

You say you don’t have ‘skin in the game’ but you are coming across as having a chip on your shoulder tbh.

At the age of 11 my best friend went off to private school and I stayed in state school. We were very similar children from the same demographic although her family were better off than mine. We ended up getting the same A level grades and studying at the same university. I think private school can be a monumental waste of money for kids from middle or upper class families living somewhere where good state schools are available.

@clockandstagger - I don't think anyone on here is in 'simpering admiration' of private schools, and anyone who judges anyone as a 'better class' over another would be a horrible person!

But to suggest a private education doesn't - in many cases - offer advantages over a state education, as many on here seem to be arguing, just isn't correct.

All this 'my friend went to private school and is now in a menial job' or 'I went to a rough comp and am now very successful' are personal experiences. But you just have to look at the exam stats to see the overall picture in the UK. Is this system fair? Not at all. But that is the landscape, unfortunately...

I wish we had family money and socialised with people from wealthier backgrounds. I’m too busy working to pay the fees! In about 7 years I think I have met about 5 other parents regularly and that’s only on sports sidelines. I think I can only name 1 of them!

But you could say the same about everything.

I know people who go on multiple holidays for the entire summer. People who live in beautiful villages. People whose kids go to pony club. People with huge houses and sports cars.

There will always be something you’d like but don’t have. That doesn’t mean we don’t want others to have them either.

If this is the case you need to get a backbone, and he needs to get a grip. Both of these are bigger issues and will call cause more problems than what school your child
goes to…

Plenty of people choose private for all sorts of reasons which has been explored on many threads. I wanted a school that could provide before, during and after school sports plus every Saturday morning sports. That was the deciding factor in the end as our local comp, whilst very good, barely had a sports programme. I knew it was a big deal to my children and probably more important than their academic grades so we had to pay for it. Would have preferred not to.

I’m not sure your point. If all this children who go to St Paul’s went to the local state school do you fewer would get into Oxbridge? Of course they won’t - academically they will do as well but also their parents will be wealthy enough on the whole and motivated enough to employ Oxbridge tutors and such like. The school makes almost no difference in that regards- in fact if you put all those kids into the local state school my money is even more of then will get into Oxbridge than they do now.

Hold on are you prioritising (in your eyes) your husbands pride over your child’s education?

It's not sour grapes at all, I went to a rather rough state school and did very well, went to a Russell Group university for my undergrad and another for my MA. I don't have kids so have no skin in the game. I do think state schools should be better but I just don't get the simpering admiration for the almighty private school many on here seem to have, they genuinely don't turn out a "better class" of person in my experience. For many it seems to be a status symbol more than anything else.

They have accents that mark them out as from wealthier backgrounds and some have a high handed manner which perhaps to some will pass as breeding or class but other than that not really. I was talking to one the other day and it became apparent that they had no idea what epigenetics was for example, which I would assume most people would at least understand what the word meant.

A lot of it is just family money and moving in circles with other wealthy people.

I find private schools are better at soft skills - as they have more time with DC

Privately schooled DC tend to come out with an air of confidence and decent oratory skills even if they are as thick as mince. This gives them an advantage in their early 20s for jobs & career paths

If you can develop these skills in a state environment or outside school, then your DC should be on alevel playing field

The issue is privilege, which includes but not exclusively limited to money. If you can afford private school then your child will almost certainly do well, whether they go to private school or not. Because you have the resources to give them the cultural capItal-which is what the “private school polish” somebody mentioned earlier.

Is it ego or does he just not want his child privately educated? Lots of people choose state over private...

I am sure your child will be ok but if the only reason you aren't going to opt for Private is to protect your Husbands ego then that is ridiculous

Don't you find that they tend to be more 'polished' in social situations, have better vocabularies, etc.?

I don’t know why people keep saying X went to private school and has an average job.
Perhaps X had a happy few years in secondary, developed confidence and achieved their potential.

A lot of this thread is sour grapes.

Parents make the best choices they can for their children. Whether that’s moving to a good catchment area, tutors or private school or whether they value multiple holidays, horses or huge cars.

Do what you believe is best for your kids. There is no need to knock down other people’s roads. .

As for the old myth of doors opening up and networks - this is only really the case if you are sending your child to somewhere like Eton.

Actually, this is not quite true. I went exclusively to private schools and when I went for an interview for my first job I was seen by one of the Executive Directors and also a middle Manager. I learned later that the middle Manager was told by the ED that he had to take me on because I had been to XXX school! So it isn't a myth!