Private school grief

That’s precisely what people do. Oxbridge takes 68% of students from private schools.

I think she is proud of them more than anything, if my daughter achieved this I would also want to shout it from the roof tops!

I went to independent school. It really did absolutely nothing for me. I always struggled against my peers, and then found out I was dyslexic until I was 18 and at university. I did A levels because I felt pressured into it and hated it as it was too academic, should have gone to college really and done a more hands on course as that’s how I learn best, ended up failing my A levels and came out with 2 AS levels at grade E. Went to Uni, as I felt pressured into it again and did a diploma, I then dropped out of as I failed my first year and hated everything about it. I am now a police inspector, earn nearly £80K a year. I still now, at the age of 37, feel like the school’s disappointment because I didn’t go on to become a Doctor, Lawyer, Barrister, Author, Academic, Charity Director etc. I avoid their “Alumni” days like the plague.

I wouldn’t ever want that pressure on my DD who is now in year 10 and at a brilliant State School. She is absolutely thriving. They are so supportive and helped identify her ASD.

Each to their own and I know Independent can be Amazing for some children but you need to go off your child’s abilities and not yours or your husbands ego/wants.

Not at all in my experience as anyone who kicks off gets immediately shown the door. This is legally impossible to do in state schools in Scotland and makes a massive difference. I’m sure some bullying must happen in some places though. It would take a lot to get the rugby captain kicked out for instance.

@Tangerinenets you are assuming that every person who sends their children is expecting them to end up earning a fortune.

a huge proportion of my private school became teachers! Very noble and vocational and certainly makes amazing use of their education but certainly not going to make them a fortune and pay back the amount invested in their education

It’s a turn of phrase. I couldn’t give a toss how much it’s cost her. The point is spending 100’s of thousands on education doesn’t always mean your kids will be high flyers earning a fortune.

They really don't. Quite the opposite. It's much harder to get an interview if you go to a 'posh school'. I know dcs with straight A stars who didn't get interviews, whereas the current Oxford union president elect somehow got a place with ABB. So he obviously made the interview stage.

However the hoops parents jump through to get a grammar place. I'd guess a fair few of them are hoping for Oxbridge.

And bullying and self harming doesn’t happen in private schools??

YABVU for describing disappointment as “grief”.

Don’t be so ridiculous.

Where there's a will, there's a way

Modesty they did not learn from their mother, then.

Haha! You’re so smug! Just wait until you’re in my shoes when your child is self harming as shaven headed Jayden is kicking their head in on a daily basis and the school just shrug their shoulders and tell you that Jayden has a really terrible home life. And the police charge Jayden with assault repeatedly but there are no consequences as this is Scotland.

If you don’t get your child to private school if you can afford it, well then you’d be failing them in the most terrible way.

My honest opinion it doesn’t make much difference if you have a good local state school. What it makes a difference is a prestigious university! I come from a Mediterranean country and I went to a local public school and university (noone knows either of them in the UK). Once I finished, I did my MSc in one of the most prestigious universities in London (it was bloody expensive but super lucky my parents could afford it) and boom I immediately landed in one of the big 4 and my career has been great!

Everyone’s kids deserve the best just as much as yours, because no doubt they’ve worked they’re bums off too, all their lives.

According to most posters on this thread state schools are better so they are getting ‘the best’. Also you disapprove of the op’s post and dislike rich people, but nonetheless to accuse them of being ‘delusional, childish and narcissistic’ and ‘on crack’ is unpleasant.

Me too! Ditto many of my friends 😂

If I had the funds I’d pay private, does anyone else need to know who pays? It’s not their business

Hi, this an extremely odd post. In the same vein as this post I could write, ‘ I am slowly coming to the realisation that I can’t give my child a mansion to live in and pony. As a self made person from an underprivileged background I really wanted to give my kids the best’. It’s kind of silly, hey we all want to have lots of money and give our kids ‘the best’🤷🏼‍♀️ . But to then come here and say it out loud ( as it were), in a place where many many people will have children who don’t go to private school is slightly delusional, childish and narcissistic . Everyone’s kids deserve the best just as much as yours, because no doubt they’ve worked they’re bums off too, all their lives. We’re all ‘self made’ in one form or another. I’m going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you’ve taken crack.

And this is why I am ideologically opposed to private schooling. I want my child to connect with, understand and most of all respect people from all walks of life. Not to judge people by their name, hairstyle or background. Yes there may be a little disruption, some kids that may not have the most supportive home life, or have struggles but I want my child to see this and not be socially segregated. I fail to see how a child can be well rounded if being schooled in a bubble of privilege.

Your post doesn’t really explain why private school isn’t possible……is it your husbands pride and resentment of you earning more than him that rules it out? Or does he disagree on principle?

Look, putting aside my personal ambivalence about private education- I think it’s overrated and doesn’t always lead to the magnificent outcomes people expect it to- you two need to have a grown up conversation about it, unpick his reluctance and come to a decision based on reason and logic, not his fragile ego .

Sod your husband, if I could have afforded it I would have sent my daughter to private school, it opens so many doors not just through actual exam results.

My DP went to private school the same amount of time. He has never worked above minimum wage, labour intensive jobs whilst I went to the local state school and have a great carer, well paid with lots of opportunity for progression.

I think the issue was his lack of motivation, no real worry about having to do well as his parents would always support him financially, versus my experience growing up and seeing my parents struggle with very little money which instilled a hunger in me to do well.

Labour govt policy is to discriminate against private school education. Your child will be better off not going.

Well said 👏
Mental health and wellbeing is more important to us than grades.

Maybe those of us with the view that private is about long term mental wellbeing, positive school memories and a love of long term learning are a different breed of privileged.
It’s not about grades, future schools or connections. It’s about childhood.

It's nof offensive. Most schools probably hsve their faults - even private (!!) But the calmer atmosphere at my DD's private school is so much better for them and really noticeable.