Looking after grandchild

I agree, I think you should really think about it especially as it’s your only day off.
I think you need to let them know that you would be happy to look after GC but at your house or maybe alternate each week. Personally, I would also want them to drop baby off if I was providing free childcare, it’ll be a lot if it’s your only day off and won’t be short term.

FWIW, when DS was very small I‘d get her to look after him at ours as I needed to leave before he’d normally wake up. And, we had everything set up at ours. I didn’t want to change the caregiver and his trusted environment.

From 2, he‘d go to hers and had his first sleepover there at that age, too. They’d got used to each other by then and both felt confident with another.

I‘d try it out there first, but discuss a new routine when GC is a little older.

also FWIW, I‘m not sure how confident I‘d be driving with someone else’s baby. I found my own distracting enough!

Makes sense to go there as everything the baby needs will be there....also when the kids pull everything out, You do painting etc you don't have to stress about putting all the toys/ mess away and can happily skip off home 😀

Def FTM worries but also her house will be all set up.

the driving thing though…she may not appreciate yet how busy a 1 year old can be. They need stimulation at classes or the park. You’ll have to drive the baby somewhere either way!

Bloodyscarymary -

I've looked after my grandchildren here at my home from when they were 9 months old. Eldest is just over two.

Why would you be bored silly? Can’t you take a book/kindle/ipad etc? Watch their TV, do a bit of gardening if they have a garden? What would you be doing at home that you couldn’t do at theirs?

You are doing them a massive favour by doing free childcare. Will they be contributing to your travel costs as petrol costs add up if you are on a low income.

plus you are using your day off so any tasks you currently do on that day will need to be postponed eg cleaning, errands, food shop etc.

you don’t need loads of equipment at your house. People saying it’s all set up. The baby could be one years old if mum takes full year off. They just need somewhere to nap and you can get a cheap high chair from ikea and a foldaway buggy. People in the past survived without overpriced gadgets. There were no plug socket covers as kids and we survived!

don’t be bullied into anything

I'm not interested in your opinion. I'm responding to OP.

Presumably your GC aren’t infants though?

But why is it so offensive to do it at their house? She’d have to drive there anyway to pick baby up? This way is actually less driving 🤔

I’m a grandmother and I much prefer minding my grandchildren in my own house. It’s no big deal to buy a highchair, stairgate, etc. and to set your home up to be baby proof. Perhaps your daughter in law would bring the baby to you in the mornings, as she will be used to doing the run to nursery on the other days. Like other grannies, I would be bored silly in someone else’s house, especially in the early days when the baby would be having long naps.

Considering you’ll be doing them a favour on your day off (even if you’re happy to do it, at the end of the day it’s still a favour) yeah, I’d say she’s being unreasonable.

If the issue is the driving can she drop the baby off?

I did have some issues when it got to the point I didn’t want DD in the car with MIL, but that was because she lost sight of her 3 times with the classic running off to the toys section (she used to take DD with her to do her big weekly shopping and just make a day out of it) and she had also been advised to stop driving and doubled down on it because technically she didn’t have to stop. It was awkward for a while but eventually she got over it.

Oh give over. They haven’t said that, they just want her to do it in their house and not have the baby driving about for an hour each day. They are the parents here.

Of course she is welcome to say no if it doesn’t suit her. But sounds like she wants to spend time with the grandchild so it’s no use being stubborn and all offended. There’s not even anything to be offended about.

This is sound advice @icravestardamage

If she is going back to work when the baby is young I think it would be extremely difficult and a major faff for everyone for her to drop baby to work and you to have baby in your home. Babies need a lot of stuff - would you want to buy a bottle sterilizer, bottles, formula, cot, spoons, baby bib, highchair, white noise machine etc for your house?

What if they’re due a nap or hungry or did a poop right when she needs to leave for work? She will have to juggle all of that and get ready herself.

Bundle baby and all its stuff into car… then you have to do the opposite in the evening. It is logistically a nightmare.

Once the child is older then the drop off might work but in the early stages you coming to theirs is really the best solution and if I was your daughter I would question your judgement if you suggested otherwise!

If they don't trust you to take care of your grandchild then they shouldn't be using your free labour to do it. Either you are up to the task in their eyes or you aren't. It's insulting. I'd remove my offer of free care.

I hope you genuinely take this on board now. It’s very common for the grandparent to look after the child in the child’s home.

Ask them to pay your petrol if you like.

Don’t do a power play and try to change it to your house, it won’t go down well. You are welcome to just say no if it doesn’t suit you.

Far easier to be at theirs, for naps in the cot/basket she knows and not only that, it’s the car seat situation. A new born requires a rear facing, substantial isofix seat so this would save you having to get one put into your car. My Mum has helped me and my siblings out and always for the first year or 2 she’ll go to our houses.

Everything is at the babies house.
Sterliser. Food stuff. Clothes. Nappies. Cot.
For you to go there is 100% the easiest way
If you arent happy, you can always say no

Same here but apparently we're in the wrong as we're not being sensitive to the mum's feelings and if we're not in their house we also won't be able to make them a lovely hot meal to come home to 😂

Bloody hell - do most of the parents on here realise that most of us grandparents helping out are fit and active 60 year olds with friends and interests of our own, not surrogate housekeepers/nannies?

I think you and DIL are both getting ahead of yourselves - hadn't you better wait and see what this particular baby is like before you start planning trips to Legoland and catastrophising about fireballs respectively?

Speaking for myself, in different circumstances I would be happy to spend a working day at the parents' house minding the sproglet but I'm damned if I'd volunteer to have baby chaos infesting mine ever again. Though actually I might have a hmmmm moment or two about being taken for granted as free child care, too.

Also - is this your first grandchild?

I hope she appreciates you, OP. She’s very lucky to have you
@icravestardamage

Their house has everything you need, for free. It’s also child proofed. Do it at theirs and they can pay your petrol per month.

I know people doing this successfully. It’s a non issue. Why would you project about the accident which no one has mentioned? And have to buy things and duplicate effort at yours?

i think you’re making an issue when it’s more logical to do it at theirs. Cots etc are expensive. So why not use theirs?

I'm a Grandmother who looks after DGC two days a week and for us, it's easier if they're here at my house. I do collect and drop off too. The DGC love it here and they know it's a place to come to when Mum and Dad are working. Same with their other Grandparents who also do 2 days. They have toys etc here and it's become their second home. I have looked after them in their own home once or twice but much prefer here. My advice would be to see how it goes and once you all feel comfortable then introduce going back to yours. Good luck with your Grandma day. Prepare for tiredness but lots of love and fun!