Looking after grandchild

I think it makes sense for you to go to the babies house. It means they have all their things around them and its much less disruptive in the mornings for the baby and for the parents. So I think that makes perfect sense
However if you think it's too much for you then you should say sorry you can't look after her.

So much better at her house. Will have baby gates, spare clothes, food suitable in the fridge, their bottles and bowls there YABU

Some things have changed in the past generation, though. For example, my parents used to smack us but no way would that be allowed for my own kids. Similarly, car seat rules are much stricter than they used to be. If you care for your grandchildren exactly the way you cared for your own children in the 1980s, you may end up breaking the law.

Yes, it's incredibly selfish of the OP to spend her one non-working day in the week providing free childcare. Heck, she should even be doing their gardening and cooking for them as well during GC's naps.

Being loving and supportive does not mean you have to acquiesce to every stipulation made by your DIL. You can just say that actually, as you are doing them a favour, they need to fit in with what works better for you. This doesn't have to be done bluntly, you simply say something like ' I'm sorry but I really need to be in my own home on these two days so I can get things done when baby is asleep.'

It’s up to you ultimately, since you’re the one providing free childcare. My Mum has my kids at her house. Hugely grateful! Of course it would be more convenient for us if she came here but she said she won’t, so fair enough.

My mother in law has my nephew and niece at my brother in law’s house. She would rather have them at hers, but they’ve said no to that and she’s so keen to have them she goes by what they want. They also have loads of cameras in their house and watch her and message her about things when she’s caring for their children. No way my mum would ever stand for that.

So it’s up to you where your boundaries are, really. And it’s up to your daughter in law where hers are as well.

I have my DGD one day a week, at MY house. I have a car seat, a buggy and lots of toys here, and can look after DGD whilst carrying on with my life, you know in the same way as her mum does. I personally think they’re cheeky expecting you to travel there and back and do a full day child care away from your own home.

It will be fine, you might find baby/toddler things to do where they are so that can turn into "your thing" with your grand baby,

And brought one up well enough that THE DILwas happy to marry and have a baby with them.....

All these rookie new mums setting rules and regs for grandma, as if the latter hasn't birthed and brought up a child herself 🙄

What a lovely comment! You sound like a fantastic thoughtful and considerate woman/mother/MIL and grandmother!

Hmm really baby proofing difficult? Strangely my mum lived in a house that had a dining room with glass cabinets and a step down to the kitchen

Strangely enough she had her own kids, various grandkids and even a great grandchild there. Not one display was interfered with, not one child hurt at all. They soon learned the word noband being removed. And a gate tookabout 30 seconds to fit on kitchen doorway if very little ones there

I'm wondering what you consider necessary as baby proofing? Looking at the hones of my DD s ( with babies and a toddlers plus a 7 year old) there's a gate at stairs and on at kitchen and breakables are high. In face it's only the gates that are any different my own house

This - you can set your terms but it makes sense for a small baby to be in their home environment. You have a lot of plans for them … I’d try it her way and if it doesn’t work for you say so or build up to visits at your house

Your own house jobs, having friends over, etc

So not only is it free childcare but free housework, gardening etc? Just taking them puss there

I assume the parents won't be using their days off to come and do all your housework while you were stuck at yheirs

You dont sound like you like your DIL much “he will do as she says” really?? And “Im the mother-in-law so need to work twice as hard to be a part of the family” you sound like hard work. Your whole attitude screams selfishness”me me me” your not just a MIL, you are your sons mother, and he would expect you to be respectful of his wifes wishes out of love and support for them both. If you cannot do that, then dont.

This!!
why can’t baby accompany her to shops or to meet up with her mate for coffee or whatever. I.e baby slots into her life.

Or even places that the OPwould like or need to go to herself. Not just kid places. After all it's her only day off. When is she supposed to get anything done if she's trapped in doneone else's house all day only allowed to go to child orientated places in walking distance.

It's always framed as a massive favour, but many grandparents would say "she's not letting us see the baby/bond with them" if they weren't asked

It is a massive favour. You can see the grandchildren, play with them, bond with them and have a great relationship without being asked to do actual childcare.
Unless you're thinking if they don't provide childcare you won't let them see the baby.

Many grandparents are not asked to provide childcare. That doesn't mean they never see them, visit them, bond with them. I see my grandson a few times a week. As it happens I do look after him one day a week while my daughter works but if I didn't the relationship would be no different.

What does your son say on the subject? His baby too isn’t it.
I get that child minding at their home would be more practical in terms of equipment but in your position I wouldn’t want to be held hostage……I’d want to be able to take the baby out for a walk during agreeable weather…….certainly wouldn’t want to be tied to anyone’s house.

I did one day a week at their house. Never been so bored in my life and longed to be home doing my chores instead of sat watching telly while DGD slept

This nails the situation 100%. My timing is exactly the same as this - work 3 days a week, have GC 2 days a week. I have things I need to do which may include washing,.cleaning, shopping, sorting out bills and invoices (i work for myself), gardening and other household tasks which I can't do when I'm at work.

I therefore need to be at my house, not someone else's. The alternative would be to only have GC for 1 day so I had a day free to do all those things. But who would benefit from that? I would see GC less, her parents would be faced with the stress of finding alternative childcare for one day a week and GC would miss out on being spoiled by her grandmother...

So true!

@Whateverwillwedonow

she doesn’t need to drive an extra 30 mins. Op has already said she’d be happy to go and collect baby to bring back to hers. If she doesn’t want Op to drive with her child in the car then that’s her lookout.