Looking after grandchild

Good grief 🙄I'm amazed any of the parents on here ever feel comfortable leaving their children with grandparents. I mean - what if we put them to sleep on the sofa then walk out of the room and just forget about them and they fall off. Or what if they get into the cupboard under the sink and drink the bleach and we've been so busy being elderly that we haven't noticed 😱

We mostly cycle, child seats on bikes & just got a trailer. Or walk with baby carrier (she also hates the pram!) or trike. We do put her in car at least once a week but generally only for a few mins drive and I’m hoping she gets happier with it so we can do longer trips. Lots of people without cars have kids I don’t think cars are fundamental but I do agree it makes long distance trips easier

I don't want to be away from home all day on my day off, but I'm happy to pick dgc up. Or you can drop the baby at my house if you prefer. Or we can meet half way - what works best?". She's being a major CF; don't pander. If she doesn't want you driving the baby, fair enough, she can do all the driving.

At what point did I say anything about being an enemy or stupid. The woman said was all the baby needed was for it to be safe warm and clean. I was saying that simply isn't true. For one day a week the last would need a lot of things when she can simply spend the day at the child's house

Grandparents aren’t stupid. We’ve had children, we’ve been mums to toddlers.

My house is baby safe, we have everything that they need. We aren’t the enemy.

As a mum of a toddler that really isn't all they need. And her home will only be safe of all breakables ect are moved and cupboard locks etc are used where needed, and baby gates. All stuff that will already be at the baby's home. Toddlers are naturally curious and put these measures in place are a lot easier than always saying no and having to move them away. They can learn boundaries without being told to stop endlessly because the house isn't suitable for a baby, before that reason is used. Food the baby likes, toddler friendly cutlery, crockery and cups, toys, a suitable place to nap, their pram. All things that are genuinely needed, because we don't want to give a toddler a glass, China plate and fill sized cutlery, we don't want toddlers napping on the floor uncomfortable or the sofa where they may fall off.

@Xsxjxmx

presumably OP’s house is safe and warm and clean. That’s all a baby needs. As if they care if a different changing mat is being used when they have a nappy change or whatever.

@mindutopia

shes gonna have the baby all day, she will have plenty of time with them.

Some of the comments on here are eye opening and I am left quite speechless by some of them.

Thankfully in the real world the majority of parents are only too grateful that GPs are providing free care that they bend over backwards to enable that to happen. The majority will find a way forward that benefits all parties as much as possible.

I have always taken into account my DD’s wishes when looking after our GC and have also striven to make life as easy as possible for her. However, she has never dictated and the most I have been asked to adhere to was not allowing GC to nap beyond a certain time.

Making a home child safe is not really a big deal and it’s a massive assumption that it is easier for GP’s to look after DGC in the DGC home. Interestingly enough, unless you have a nanny, all other childcare is outside the home with nursery’s and childminders managing perfectly well as does the child. GPs get on with it as well, they are also capable of finding out the latest ideas on child rearing if they are not already aware, but their offspring should be more than capable of advising if there is any avoidance of doubt.

It is not clear as to how old the DGC will be when OP is going to look after them, but given that a high proportion of parents will take the maximum maternity/paternity leave, and then perhaps have some annual leave tagged on to the end, its likely that DGC will be at toddler stage and not a tiny baby, which a lot of posters appear to be referring to.

I’d happily drive to help family. I think it makes sense for you to go to them, because 2 hours in the car is a lot for a baby and cuts into quality time. It’s also fine to say no.

It is so much easier for you to be at their house where it is suited for their child and all their child's things are there. She's being precious because the baby is precious. If you don't agree with her terms then don't help, but personally, you should do what they ask and be part of the village they will need

A baby does not need to be in 'their home environment'. A baby can be anywhere safe and warm. The baby will be better off with a Grandma who is relaxed and happy getting on with stuff rather than a bored Grandma stuck in someone else's house, scrolling and watching the clock.

People who are new grandparents now were actual kids in the 80s! In any case they have brains, everyone knows that smacking isn't acceptable now and that kids have carseats. Geez.

You’re giving her free childcare. You have the child on your terms or not at all. End of discussion.

I offer childcare for 2 of my gc's over the past five years. I started off in my own home but now move between the two,dependent on weather etc or what we have arranged.

Tbh, its easier at my dd's. More parks nearby, walks, shops etc. Its a personal preference really. I often take my dogs but they are confined to the kitchen /utility where they go to sleep. They walk to heel with the pram. I get that some would not like this at all. My dd has grown more confident with me and DH over time. Its about compromise but remember your wishes count.

lots of young girls are very cheeky. We have an entitled generation on our hands and sadly they are raising the future's kids!

What?!!! No way would I allow being spied on when I'm doing a favour! That poor MIL.

I've always done child care at my house. I'm amazed at the number of GPs on this thread who find it easier to be at the GC's home.

I feel much more relaxed in my own home. I have all the equipment I need, and my son in law (who does the transfers) packs a bag with anything extra that the GC/s might need that day. We do a transfer half way between my house and theirs on his way to work.

At home I can get on with anything I need to do, I know where everything is, and I don't feel like an intruder in someone else's house, always looking for things and having to poke in cupboards etc.

Consequently my DGCs see my house as somewhere they properly belong, and love the routines that we've built up at Grandma's house.

I'm sorry that your relationship with your DIL is a bit too fragile for you to strongly state your preference @icravestardamage , but I totally get why you'd rather do the care at your home.

I was thinking about the.baby.
I have also looked after my three grandchildren at my house and at theirs.But if it was an early start I always went to their house. It's much less disruptive for the child and I think much better than rushing a baby out of the house in the morning

My MIL offered to help care for my children one day a week when I returned to work. It took me a long time to trust her (or anyone other than my husband) to drive them around. Not because I didn’t trust them, just my own anxieties. It’s a big thing to leave your children when they are tiny, particularly your first born. Try not to take offence as I’m sure it’s nothing personal and she clearly trusts you to have them in your care!

I don't get all this 'it'll be easier at the parents house because everything will be there' narrative. As previously mentioned I have looked after 3 of my grandchildren over the last 9 years (oldest nearly 10, youngest 1). I have a buggy, a highchair, a car seat, toys, beaker cups, a bottle, plastic cultery and plates, a pile of spare clothes in the airing cupboard, nappies and wipes in the bathroom, a changing mat etc

Most 60 year olds are perfectly capable of sourcing and storing these things and buying/preparing food etc suitable for young children. Honestly, it all reads so patronising. I don't have a stair gate so I keep the door to the hall closed when I'm looking after my one year old dgs. Or, I make sure I'm with him if he goes out into the hallway.

I know some guidance on childcare has changed and I'm happy to take those things on board but seriously, there's no need to be so patronising. We're perfectly capable of taking care of our grandchildren in our own homes 🙄

She wants to keep her baby close by - nothing sinister about that, and no reason to think it's a reflection on your driving. Everything is set up for a baby at her house, and the right food and medicines and so on will be to hand. The time you spend driving that extra half hour each week would likely be spent preparing and tidying your home and doing extra shopping. And it is the parents' choice. You were trilled to be asked, so don't spoil it by arguing over the details. If it doesn't work out for some reason, you can discuss it and agree something different.

If the grandmother wants to.look after the baby I think mother does get to pick and choose. She had to think about what is best for the baby and that is obviously staying in their own home

Personally as OP's offering free childcare and now being asked to put herself out, I don't see how she's BU. It's free so baby's mum doesn't really get to pick and choose imho.