Looking after grandchild

I wouldn’t want to be stuck all day in someone else’s house on my only day off as much as I love my grandkids. It’s easy enough to get all the stuff that they need at your place. But I’d probably oblige for a few months and once you have all settled in and things are running smoothly and you still feel you want to do it at your place then I would mention it .

Do you have a cot etc at your house? Surely when they are little and need a lot of stuff far easier at their house.

For those saying how boring only being able to go out for walks with a pram, that’s what I did for my own DC on a number of days. We didn’t go in the car every day. Maybe it depends where you live.

I wouldn’t want them looking after my children. In the past and their own children sure before they have aged 35 years. Now?! No. It’s the brain aging thing - slow reactions, bad decisions, unsafe, not considerate, not healthy etc

Surely this would be affected by living arrangements & circumstances. If my mum would only look after my kid at hers and insisted we drop her off we'd be stuffed. She lives 35 mins drive or 1 hr train away in the wrong direction. I go to work 90 mins away by train & my husband works close to our house but doesn't drive. It would also mean i'd need to get my baby up at 5am to get her ready to go.

I think your daughter in law is very nervous due to this being her first baby and her first time going back to work and leaving baby with other people. I'd ride it out for now, do as she asks until she settles into it all, and I bet six or twelve months down the line she'll relax and you can do things a bit more on your terms.

She's likely very anxious about going back to work and is just trying to control all of the elements that she can at this point. I wouldn't rock the boat when she's likely to be feeling emotional, I expect you'll all find things a lot easier further down the line xx

This. She is over sensitive now, build her trust and when the baby is a couple of months older it will be easier to have that conversation.

"As the mum of a toddler" 😂😂😂

My, what a veteran you are to this parenting lark.

In which case you wouldn’t want them to look after their kids anywhere would you? I’m amazed you and your DH survived childhood!

My current grandchild sleeps for 2 hours during the day - plenty of time to do lots of jobs at home! My older grandchildren at 3 and 4 years didn’t need my undivided attention 24/7 and would also help me with jobs like pegging out washing, hoovering up, making lunch etc. the sorts of things parents have to do whilst simultaneously looking after their own children.

I have looked after each of my grandchildren from around the age of 1 until they started school - 1 day a week. It is far far easier for me to look after them in my own home rather than in their home. I have everything a baby needs - cot, spare clothes, toys etc, the only thing they’ve needed to bring was a pram and baby milk.
OP, I would politely suggest to your DIL that you don’t feel comfortable spending the day in her house so would prefer to have your grandchild in your own home. If she doesn’t like that, then she’ll have to pay for an extra day at nursery!

As a mum to 3 primary aged kids/a toddler, I wouldn’t expect a grandparent to have my child all day at my house. If I’m getting free childcare, I expect to be dropping the child off myself (me or partner) at their home, with a bag of anything they need for the day. Days spent with a baby can be isolating and drag. You’re going to be doing it on your day off, which is even more of a sacrifice.

I think you’re being very generous OP. But you shouldn’t agree just to keep in your DIL’s good books. And the references to a car accident 20 years ago are a bit daft on her part.

You laugh but that’s genuinely how I feel about all 3 sets of our grandparents.

Which if too many mothers dictate then grandparents will say no to childcare then they will have to pay for nursery/ childminder and not be able to make all the rules

My mum always found it easier to have my kids at her house. She had everything there.
You need to have a discussion with your son and dil .....its a huge ask to expect you to spend all your day off at their place.

You really don't need lots of things though. You really have fallen gor the " you need everything " cla
Trap.

Amazing any kids ever survived in the past isnt it?

This.

It's totally reasonable for you to say this.

If they want to dictate significant terms then they need to pay for childcare by a professional.

Ops 50 a child of the mid 70s at max her son can't have been born much earlier than the mid 90s and 30 now.

Smacking was a thing of the past by the 90s

What about caring for your grandchildren the same way you cared for yourown 5 years earlier?

Why do you think all grandparents are old decript and out of date

My friends my had s child herself younger than the oldest grandchild

And my parents didn't smacked me in the 70s. I didn't smacked my kids in ghe 90s and 2000s and my kids didn't smack there's

Only do it if it works for you. If the reason behind her wanting you there were due to logistics or something important, fair enough, but just because she wants to be no more than 10 minutes away from the baby, absolutely not. It has to be on your terms, not hers. You’re the one providing free child care.

@mercilousming agreed
The other crazy thing is Op is only 50, not that much older than some people becoming parents for the first time.

She probably has other things to do on her day off as well as babysit, like shopping etc.

Wow, the entitlement in some of these responses is outstanding! Next time I read a thread complaining about grandparents not wanting to provide childcare, I will think back to these and laugh.

"It's not about YOU" - it literally is, seeing as the OP is being asked to do a huge favour, for her son and DIL's benefit, and started the thread

"But you'd be picking up your DGC anyway..." - why would she? OP might be really happy to do this, but it should not be expected. Does Nursery come and collect your kids?

And the patronising posts that suggest that Grandparents have no idea how to care for a child. Honestly!

’Wants to look after’ suggests the baby’s mum is the one doing OP a favour by ‘letting’ OP spend time with the baby. Which is a rather manipulative way to look at it imo, when she’s getting free childcare out of the arrangement.

Oh my goodness.

Of course a house can be safe without all breakables being moved, locks on cupboards and baby gates. Closing/locking doors has the same effect as baby gates for baby’s and toddlers. Not everyone has stairs either which makes a baby gate somewhat redundant. Saying no and explaining why, as well as distraction is part of boundary setting. Grandparents are more than capable of providing tablewear and cutlery that is age appropriate as well as providing suitable food. Don’t underestimate the pleasure a toddler can get from having ‘adult’ tablewear under supervision, rather than plastic, bamboo etc. They may also even widen the DGC palate by providing different foods as well as their favourites. Unless you have a traditional silver cross pram, most fold up and fit in car boots and can be transported with DGC. Believe it or not, grandparents make a safe napping place and some even have cots, or toddler beds.

@Xsxjxmx

Im really glad you’ve posted this, because otherwise OP may have been planning to have the child kip on the floor with a champagne flute, tin opener and can of beans with loads of knives and bleach laying around. Thanks for educating OP and me.

I don’t think it’s offensive at all, but personally I’m my off day I’d like to be at home and do things around my own place.

Not the same at all but the first time I house sat for my SIL I was really looking forward to coming back home, maybe because it’s your own space? And I treat her dog as if it was my own pet.

My SIL also has her nephews once a week for the past 8 years and it’s always been at her house. They all live very close by though so I appreciate it’s different.