Looking after grandchild

We have been looking after a grandchild, one day a week, for over 4 years now (two different DGC). It is mostly at our house and the parents find it useful that their house is cleaner and tidier. Also, the babies have got used to napping at our house and occasional overnights. We haven't spent huge amounts on travel cot, high chair, buggy or toys. I wouldn't make a fuss just now, maybe say you hope you can have your DGC at your house sometimes when they're older. If you have been driving without incident for 20-30 years you're probably safe.

I have relied heavily on my own mum, my grandmother, my PILs and for a short time my husband's GPs for childcare since returning to work. I WFH almost exclusively which may or may not be relevant.

My mum reduced her hours to work 4 days a week to have my eldest (her choice), with DD going to her house after nursery the evening before (she picked her up and took her home) and staying there the following day until I picked up. My grandmother was juggling caring for my grandfather at the time so I worked from their house 2 days a week and between us we juggled everything. My mum had everything set up at her house as we had lived there for a short time, and I needed the peace at home to work. My GM didn't have everything set up but it was easy enough to pack what was required and it suited her better being in her own home even after my GF passed.

My PILs have both DDs now on my MILs day off (already working 4 days a week prior to the arrangement), FIL is retired. They don't have all the bits and bobs to hand but again, easy enough for me to pack things they need. They have bought their own toy selection so it's only bottle/nappies/changes of clothes needed.

Even if OPs DIL returns to work earlier than when baby is 9 months old, there really isn't that much required that would make it massively easier to look after the baby in the family home? My PILs coped without a prep machine, their own stash of nappies and wipes...I send what is required and they do the rest. At the end of the day all these people have been helping ME so I've worked around them as much as I can. I certainly wouldn't have made demands of any of them even if I was working away from my own house...

I'll bet you said that with a completely straight face as well, didn't you?

Same with my grandbaby and I oddly still remember how to childproof.

The comment is ridiculous op. Well done for your restrained response! You are only five or ten years older than plenty of new mothers. And nowhere have you mentioned or even indicated smacking of anything else that would now be considered illegal!!
i brought mine up in the 90s and later, mum brought me up in the sixties, nana brought her up in the 30s, I believe we were kind caring mothers. No smacking or anything significantly different than the way my dil and daughter bring their babies up.
Everyone saying your house won’t be set up, I don’t agree on that one. Mine is very child friendly probably more so than their own homes due to the nature of theirs being period properties. Once the baby is a little older you may find they ask to come to nanas house, children love being in different places.
Try not to worry. I think it is tricky these days when we read so many negative comments about grandmothers. It is a lovely time though and I feel sure you will between you work out how best to do it. You daughter in law may be worrying too, try to reassure her that you are there for her and her family x

@EmeraldShamrock000 I think it is underestimated as to how it feels to be responsible for someone else’s small child/baby. It felt less onerous with my own that it did with my GC.

@StewkeyBlue I totally agree about the agism and entitlement, but thankfully that is not what I see in the real world. A lot of these ‘incapable and past it’ grandparents are also holding down senior, professional roles that have greater responsibility than looking after one or even two young GC.

Grandfathers are generally capable as well. My DH was able to manage our DC at toddler stage in his workshop which is far more hazardous than the house. I won’t say my DH age as he would be deemed completely incapable here.

Some of my fondest memories are of staying with my grandparents. I gained so much knowledge and experiences from spending time with them. My DC has similar experiences with my parents and one of my GP. Even if I say so myself, I give my GC experiences that he doesn’t get the same exposure to with his parents. Even if I have to get on with bits and bobs at home, they help out with varying things and they have a level of attention and engagement that they don’t get in a busy working household, or when they were at nursery. But exposure to a multitude of environments is healthy for them.

I disagree, DGP's usually have more sense. If anything they're more cautious than parents, ensuring they return a child in one piece.
When my DM babysat, they had her full attention, the day is planned around them.

If a GP is not fit to child proof their house then they are not fit to care for a child - so hop off and pay for care!

GPs are past the stage of keeping their houses "child-proofed".

For goodness sake!

This thread has revealed some shocking levels of ageism and entitlement amongst parents of small children.

I wonder how many children are being brought up like this: under micro control of parents, never going unaccompanied to grandparents’ houses?

It doesn’t feel healthy to me,

My grandparents had us at their house regularly and were super attentive. My Mum had my niece and nephew at her house. All positive and building confidence in different environments.

No wonder we have so much anxiety and kids scared to spend a night away from home at 10 etc.

I'm running out of things to say in response to posts like this.

It's ridiculous that so many people think that grandparents, many having had or are still holding professional jobs, are incapable of stopping to think about the practicalities of looking after their grandchild in their own home.

If anything, I'm more safety conscious than my DD, as it feels such a big responsibility to keep a child safe who is not my own.

GPs are past the stage of keeping their houses "child-proofed".
FFS

Heyyyy?? I’ll look after my two granddaughters quite often and I’m quite capable of child proofing my house . It’s not that hard to put all your ornaments and breakables away. And all your cleaning products. Not all grandmothers are incapable of common sense.

I just think it's fine when they're a little baby and don't move etc but toddlers are into everything and GPs are past the stage of keeping their houses "child-proofed". My dd is 16 and when friends visit with toddlers I forget that I have to move all the candles, not light the fire, put cleaning products etc out of sight etc etc I'd much rather go to their own safe childproofed home!
We never had a stairgate as dd learnt to use stairs and slide back down them. Once the baby/toddler years have passed you get your house back to normal and forget you have to "move everything out of reach" etc etc
You're better off at their house, less faff for you and less mess and disruption. Take a book for when they're napping etc

It's the easiest thing in the world to prepare for looking after ones grandchild, and at the very small baby stage, there isn't really much needed. But it does grow.

Facebook local selling sites are a boon. By the time I was doing irregular childcare, I'd gained a travel cot, play mat, muslins, a pram and everything else needed. Of course I bought a car seat new.

As DGD grew, I continued to accumulate things like stair gates, cupboard locks, bamboo plates and spoons etc. And of course lots of books and toys.

And heh, re another post, I do actually have a white noise machine. It also plays nice sounds. It was prescribed for my mild tinnitus, but my eldest DGD loves to have it on at bedtime (she doesn't have one at home)

But yes, I've been a parent. We grandparents do know this stuff, even if some things have changed.

Sorry but why should an experienced mum who raised the man she chose to get pregnant with have to prove herself to a youngster who is fishing for problems? She is not on probation. Either she wants the childcare or she doesn't.

Are you trying to say Ops passed it at 50, with probably a good 16 or 17 years before she gets her state pension?

I doubt its 35 years since she had her son, that would make her 15 when she had him. Although think I'd trust her more as a Granny at 50 than a wean herself at 15.

Remember they'll be Mums her age still with kids in primary school.

It is not the norm that the majority of grandparents are unable to keep themselves or grandchildren safe. A lot of grandparents are still working and more than capable of reacting, making decisions, are generally more considerate than young people and are healthy enough to get through a working day and look after a grandchild or even more than one of their day off.

And some people never smacked in previous decades either.

I understand you are talking about your family, but not all grandparents of young children are as elderly as these people seem to be, and are capable of looking after children.

This is hilarious and the most condescending thing I’ve read on here, the “teaching your grandmother to suck eggs” term couldn’t have been more appropriate. Who exactly do you think gave birth, and then raised to adulthood the new parents of today?

Mum of toddler, thanks for the advice about not giving a toddler a China plate (because none of us have ever seen a baby chuck a plate or cup from a high chair). Your words of wisdom to women who have probably raised more children than you will be duly noted.

She’ll likely relax once baby is here, first time mum nerves and all that. My mil has my 2 year old one day a week for me, fair enough she lives round the corner but I’d much rather it was at her house than at mine! She made sure to buy plenty of toys, baby gates etc so that her house is totally child friendly. Maybe when mum is still on maternity leave you could show that you’re serious about it by making sure you’re all kitted out with everything you’d need?

Op already decided to do what they want, but it’s such a load of nonsense PP are spouting about the baby being in their own home.

A baby doesn’t need a load of stuff - like one PP mentioned a white noise machine!

Making an environment suitable is also easy enough, especially when the baby is going to be there regularly.

I personally think it’s a huge sacrifice for OP to give up her one day off every week, however they are a relatively young couple and hopefully will value her generosity and extra support.

The baby isn't even born yet!!!

I'm sure the Op will be more than capable of getting a cot / travel cot for her DGC when the time comes.

Lots of DGPs end up acquiring baby stuff just for kids visiting anyway.