Looking after grandchild

Knowing what a toddler needs, sigh. OK, so does everyone on a site called Mumsnet. I don't think you need to be an early years practitioner to know that babies might need a cot or changing mat so actually it's you saying some odd things here.

I have looked after grands for 21 years now In fact my eldest grandson is 21 today! I have 8 aged 21 17 16 12 8 7 6 4. I have always had them at mine- they have had cots, beds, rooms, a playroom- every educational toy/ equipment known to man/woman

@BlossomOfOrange

being a decent person doesn’t equal being a martyr. Though it’s clear that that’s what you think middle aged women should be. Guess what? They don’t have to be. More and more middle aged women are fucking off that misogynistic trope.

Also, why an earth do i need to be a "veteran" to parenting to know what a toddler needs? Quite an odd thing to say tbh. If I had no kids that would make sense, but as the post is about a baby/toddler and I have one currently, then I think I'd know what they need, even if it was my only child. But assumptions make an ass out of u don't they. I am also a very qualified and very experience, 17 years in fact, early years practitioner, so I definitely know what a toddler needs 👌🙄

Im actually a mother of 4. One being almost 16. But my point was as a parent that currently has a toddler to carry things about for, they certainly need more than that woman was saying

Hmm, I mean I’m assuming DIL sees it as an opportunity for MIL to spend time with the baby and making her feel involved. OP did not offer, DIL asked her… she can say yes of course I look forward to it! Or she can say “it may be difficult for me to babysit at your house, I want baby at mine to take out places if Im doing this” I mean its up to her…

What about OPs son? Why's it all about doing the DIL a favour and how grateful she should be and not him?

When my daughter was a baby my mum looked after her in her house with minimal baby stuff or safety equipment. She just used her brains and put her down for naps in safe places etc. and somehow the baby has survived to her mid twenties.

DIL doesn't sound particularly invested in keeping everyone happy to me. And tbh I think OP's 'wants and needs' do factor into the equation here given the DIL is quite happy to benefit from the free childcare. OP didn't have to offer at all, she's doing a nice thing and her DIL doesn't sound that appreciative to me.

OP YANBU but I'd go with the wait and see plan for now.
The fact that they've so kindly asked you to give up your day off to help them is cheeky interesting. Things will change once, all being well, baby arrives. Them dropping baby with you in the a.m. (on your day off!) and you dropping baby home ready for them coming home seems a good compromise.

I used to drop my 4mth DS to my parents 1hr away but my Dad would drop him home so we shared the 'commute'. On the whole I was very laid back, went with the flow and was just grateful for any babysitting my parents did.

Sadly my inlaws were elderly and couldn't be trusted to babysit - they were absurdly anxious about DS falling 2ft off the sofa (since realised they were more concerned about blood on their cream carpets!), but the next day as we got coats on for a walk, they just stood by and watched as DS ran out the front door (they opened it!) into the street and onto the road.

LondonLady1980 for goodness sake - baby may have had a bad night/up at 6.30 etc. But it's ONE day a week and they'll have to get baby ready for childcare and take them on the other days anyway.

Yes of course she could say that , but instead shes on a mumsnet forum saying her poor expecting DIL has her son in a place where he will “do as she says” I just think OP should be slightly more mindful the “wanting to take baby out on day trips” etc comes across as OP prioritizing her own wants and needs and disregarding how her DIL is feeling as a first time mother, hormonal, worried and trying to figure things out to keep everyone happy.

My word. What a nasty post, and totally twisting what is said in the quoted post.

You know fine well that the OP is referring to the hate that is often shown for MILs on here, and the lack of trust that has been demonstrated by others on this thread.

I think it's quite telling of an individual's standing as a decent human being, when they assume that their in-laws/parents owe them everything, and should dance entirely to their tune, when they have asked the in-law/parent to do them a MASSIVE FUCKING FAVOUR!

It’s a shame for you, and telling, that being a decent human being to a fellow human in need requires you working twice as hard as others. Think about why that is and you may find a way to get on a better track for yourself.

When grandparents look after my children and are doing me a favour, then they can do what they want if they want to have them at their house as it’s easier for them then that is absolutely fine by me. I also do all drop offs and pick ups or at least offer to do them to make it easier for them. If you trust someone to look after your children and they want you to have them they cannot dictate what you have to do. You are doing them a favour and no doubt saving them money in childcare fees

No if you look at the quote history I say that’s how I genuinely feel about our 3 sets of grandparents

My advice would be wait and see how it plays out. The anxiety of thinking of the baby being so far away initially plus the transition of returning to work, adding on drop off and pick ups might feel a lot for mum. My daughter goes to her grans a half day a week when I’m working and my husband picks her up after lunch and does a half day. My mil is an anxious driver and unable to drive to our house. She has a range of toys kept there and it works for us. My dad has only ever helped watch our daughter at our house and for short periods of time. I wouldn’t feel comfortable having her at his as his house isn’t baby proofed at all and I think he’s more comfortable at our house too knowing she has everything she needs here.

I know. Hilarious huh . Lol . Apparently, grandparents are not qualified to babysit in their own home unless they turn their living room into a padded cell .

I think thats the point, they are a relatively young couple so probably early career.
Childcare just isn't cheap so probably really do need the financial help.

If Granny is game for a day a week then great but it needs to work for Granny as well as the parents.
Remember she is still working and this day a week could end up a very long term commitment, depending on subsequent children and even longer if it rolls over on to school holidays

Why don't you start with being at hers but make it clear that once she's stopped panicking about being away from baby you expect to be able to take baby out and about or to yours.
Although I didn't stop panicking. I still hate being too far away geographically and he's 15 🤣

Personally I wouldn't make a regular commitment, especially if they can easily afford the childcare. Too much potential for things to go wrong or become a burden to you.

Some of the posts on here have given me a good chuckle (Thankyou @Xsxjxmx, @Bananaandmangosmoothie , @Yerroblemom1923).
I need to call dd to tell her that dgc can no longer stay because I’ve lost the ability to keep them safe.

I think this is a good idea OP :)

The first time mum nerves are hard, my Mum had my twins at my house initially just one day a week when I went back to work (saved me a fortune but she also really wanted to do it!) it was so much easier initially and especially for their naps. As they got older I didn’t mind where they went, her house or ours, but as babies I felt a lot happier they were at home while we all adjusted to it!

My boys have the most wonderful relationship with their Nana now too, they adore their time with her. Congrats, I bet you can’t wait.

That makes sense to me. She's not even had the baby yet.
And who knows how she will feel in a years time. Having to keep her place MIL ready!

I would do the first 3 months in their home.
Make sure you don't do all the cleaning or they'll want to keep you. 😆

@icravestardamage when I went back to work after maternity leave I chose a nursery closer to my workplace rather than nearer our home as didn’t want to be too far away from my baby.