Looking after grandchild

But for any onlookers it would seem the same.

Lol that's not at all the same situation is it.

id try and suggest that maybe you could do it at their house for a while, to help everyone settle and get used to things, but that you would want to be able to do more things and lead a normal life eventually and have baby at yours or run errands as necessary. Happy to take it slowly though, but you want to be a grandparent more than just childcare

How do u manage for nursery, school , clubs friends houses etc. Surely they not all a few mins walk

Lol my daughter and husband swapped baby over in work car park as they worked opposite shifts in same place. Why is that odd ?

I think the bottom line is are you prepared to do it on their terms? If not, don't go with "let's see". It's not fair to tentatively agree to something if you won't do it their way if need be. Better to say no than let them think you're happy to do what works for them and then ultimately say you won't.

We all have our preferences and PPs are right that reality can be different to what we expect. I found it much more onerous having my mum come to ours than I expected, and it was in some ways a relief to take DC to theirs. But equally it would be a bit patronising to set about assuming they are making silly assumptions and will learn the error of their ways. They may have reasons that they will stick firmly to, whether you think they are important or not.

The other posters mentioning that toddler napping in the car when you drop them off make a good point. That 30 minute nap is likely to mess up their bedtime and the arrangement could end up being cancelled for that reason.

I think it will be easier for all of you if you look after the baby at their house.

I'd check that they don't mean that you have to stay home all day though. Being cooped up with a baby/toddler all day isn't much fun. Personally, I'd only provide childcare if they were happy for me to go to the park/playgroups/soft play etc. (though of course you might feel differently).

my mam watches our 15month old here. Granted she loves 10mins away so not a massive travel but she actually finds it easier to have her where all her toys are and everything is baby proofed already here. There would be no issue if she wanted her at her house though. I think it’s just easier all round for us.

So ive always been abit like

Drop of as long as their fed watered changed i dont really care what you do or how its done feed what u want whatever. Both love both sets of grandparents. My girls are 15 and 10 now.

Now im divorced from kids dad but i really love ex mil.

Ex husbands brother had a baby and well it was it has to be this way and that way. Cant eat this that or other. Can only be this car seat. You cant buy presents unless we pick it. Anyways naturally as im rather laid back as any free offer of childcare whilst i worked full time made my life cheaper. My ex bil is very jealous of the relationship my kids have with inlaws. And apparently not long ago infront of all the kids. He had a massive row about it with his mum. Needless to say the bond is stronger with my kids because i didnt put barriers in the way and i loved and still do love ex mil like i love my mum. Ive tried coaxing her to come to paris with me and kids soon but she wont. Why ? Coz she doesnt want to upset her sons (one being my ex husband and the drama it would cause for her other son)

Not a good start if you’re already dropping the snidely ‘PFB’ comments in. I had to drop my DC to my parent who would only have them at her house. This meant getting everything ready in the morning, packing the car with pushchair, bottles, nappies, clothes, toys - as well as my work stuff. Then I couldn’t just drop in to collect on the way home as I was expected to sit down and stay for a cup of tea as she had done me the favour all day. It was exhausting and added an extra hour or so on my day with the extra travelling and prep. I soon decided to choose a nursery near my work to save my sanity! Your DIL may do the same.

And as others have said, very nice not to have to sort out your house AFTER the toddler leaves their trail of destruction at the end of the day.

First off stop reading between the lines and extrapolating to a ridiculous conclusion! Because this isn’t about you.

She doesn’t want to be so far from her baby so if something happens she can get there quickly. She prefers the idea of having the baby looked after in their home where all their stuff is

because she neither wants to have to drive the baby to work for pick up by you/take the stuff with her or have all their stuff at yours

her plan for HER makes the most sense and seems the easiest solution. If it doesn’t work for you say that but be prepared that your solution doesn’t work for her (and that isn’t personal it just doesn’t)

so decide what you want - either childcare on her terms or not at all

I'm with @Daccey. This is a brand new baby and she's nervous about leaving her precious little baby - in a totally understandable way. As the baby gets older it will naturally happen that what the two of you do together will open up. Also will depend to some extent on what's near the baby's home and what's near yours to do. But there's no point getting involved in a hypothetical discussion now that will do nothing but entrench views.

Also some people are being overly transactional about all this and suggesting you set a bunch of boundaries that again will only put backs up at this stage. Play it by ear and have a lovely time with this baby when it arrives!

I would agree to go to her house for the first six months then review it.

I remember not liking it when grandparents took baby to theirs at first. Didn't look my gift horse in the mouth though so kept quiet! Fast forward 6 months and it was all fine, and was nice to see how LO knew their house so well and wasn't messing ours up.

I'd leave it for now, lots can change before birth and during mat leave, or even after a few months of childcare. Maybe look up nice regular activities near yours as a push towards it when the time comes, can tell them how much little one would love x music class or whatever as they're the clearest most advanced baby ever etc 😉

I'd make sure you are shit hot on car seats though, look up what has changed since yours were young, what good makes are, extended rear facing vs legal minimums, correct positions etc. If you think she's nervous about car travel then any "oh mine survived in a booster seat after 6 months" won't go down well!

And taking a baby in the car for 30 minutes every morning and then another 30 minutes at the end of the day is terrible.

Why is it terrible?

It would be necessary though, if it is for childcare.

I hated my babies travelling unnecessarily in the car. It didn't matter who was driving.

I always dropped mine off at the GPs house when the GPs were having them. Sometimes I would pick them up as well, sometimes they would be dropped back at mine for which I was grateful! It was a 15 min drive between houses.
Swapping in a car park seems odd. It has to work for both you and them. You'll need to be able to take the child out, it's not reasonable to stay in the house with them all day.

Whenever I look after my gc, it’s all about what makes life easier for my son and partner as they are in quite a stressful phase at the moment, work and sleep wise.

How much simpler for them if you can just turn up at their house and seamlessly take over the care of gc for the day, whatever stage of the proceedings they’re at - you can change/feed/dress/play. More stressful for them to have to get the baby fed/changed/dressed etc. as well as packing a bag with baby stuff in for the day, and get ready for work themselves. I know lots of people do this, but it’s added stress! Also you’ll only be driving an hour a day instead of potentially 2 hours if, as you suggest, you pick the baby up at their house and drive back to yours! Why is it so important, other than you thinking that they don’t trust you? Very unlikely, as they’re entrusting you with their child. Anything that could go wrong at your house could just as easily happen at theirs.

If you think you can combine looking after your dc with enjoying a day off, I really think you must have forgotten what looking after a baby is like! Reframe it. It won’t be your ‘day off’ any more, but will be a wonderful opportunity to bond with your gc. There’ll be lots of outings you can do local to them or nearby baby groups to take them to. Enjoy it, and make life easier for them, which is surely one of the main factors in agreeing to have your gc?

Exactly! For one day a week, why would anyone want to have baby paraphernalia all over their house, baby gates fitted and have to clear every surface in the home when they start toddling and swiping everything to the floor, plus sticky fingers all over.
No! Much better at their own home, where everything set up for them, all their toys and when a bit older all the outdoor toys.

She might just be an anxious mum, which I totally understand. I think it's quite normal to want to keep your baby in your own home. If you are prepared to do it then you're building trust to change that as the baby gets older. You don't have to, but I probably would in all honesty. It also reduces pressure on her to try and have the baby ready to leave the house and have everything they need to hand over. If you can make it easier for a first time mum and are willing to, I think it would go a long way.