Looking after grandchild

Well yes because I think you have made this about you when actually it looks to be about her and going back to work and distance from her baby

I am not sure what jobs you expect to do whilst looking after a 1 year old baby unless they are still having 2 naps a day. My 7 month old grandchild only sleeps for 30 mins maximum at a time, exactly the same as their sibling. I like not being at my home, I can totally devote myself to looking after my grandchild whilst at their house and I do try to do some of their housework whilst they are sleeping.

@MyOtherCarIsAPorsche you deserve a medal the size of a bin lid! What an amazing support you have been for all those years to your children and grandchildren. I will always be eternally grateful to my parents (RIP) for the child care they provided to me. I was a single parent and would have been unable to have the career I did without their help and support.

Exactly. Either you’re happy (say yes) or not (say no)

Is it a bit of a control thing OP? You want to do things your way? It will be a lot easier if you decide now - do things mostly their way or not at all. There’s no half way house here.

YABU.

My mum travelled 20 mins by bus to mine and looks after baby there. It’s easier because all the stuff is there and baby will likely be more familiar. Plus you’ll have to pick him up anyway? So it’s an hour in the car for baby each day. Course you can do days out etc that’s different.

OP if you have “no problem going to theirs if that’s what they want” and you don’t want to have a conversation about it why did you bother to make the thread?

Personally think it’s a lot to commit your one day off to a day of regular childcare.

If you have any doubts at all, I wouldn’t do it and tell them straight away so they have plenty of time to organise a plan B.

As others have said- it will be much easier at their house where everything is set up. Also means your house won’t get destroyed weekly!

I also wouldn’t want to drive my toddler home for 30 mins at the end of the day to risk that big danger nap and not have them sleep til midnight!

But you are of course completely fine to say you only want to do it at your house. And they’re completely fine to say, okay that doesn’t work for us, but thanks anyway- we’ll find an alternative.

Are you sure that your driving is the issue?

It may simply be logistics - it will be easier for you to look after the baby in its own house with toys/highchair/cot/nappies/changes of clothes. And your DS and DIL don't need to think about having to pack what the baby will need.

Plus timings of the drive may well interfere with sleep routine/bed time. It is very hard to keep a baby awake in the car and the last thing they need is a nap at 5pm, they'll be awake until midnight.

However if the issue she has is your driving, meaning you will actually be stuck in their house rather than able to have a trip to the farm/library/park/shops, then that could potentially be quite challenging. Do they have those things within walking distance?

Christ, are you this aggy all the time?

Why go so hard-line down the stroppy route, and not the charitable route?

OP - I'd tell them that you'd be happy to start off in their home for a couple of weeks whilst you and the baby are getting used to the new routine, but then you will need to do the sessions at yours, as you'll have things to do on your day off.

The baby will presumably be settling into the new childcare as well, and might be craving some home comforts?

I think the workplace pick up isn't a great idea, as it's such a tough time when they're settling - perhaps they could drop to you, then you could drop to work when she finishes?

Op im sure she'll chill out eventually.

Meeting at work sounds logical to me. As does having LO at your house assuming its baby friendly.
Im not saying you'll get much done in the way of housework but being able to stick a washing in, take deliveries, other odds and sods you get done while at home. Will make a huge difference to you.

Good luck

I think that you can choose to agree to her terms, or refuse. That's it. Don't make it a bigger deal than it needs to be - don't assume ill intent or lack of trust. Take it at face value and decide: do I want to do this yes or no?

My mother looks after my nephews for a day and a night once a week at their house, which is about an hour away. It is easier because she has all the stuff there, it's closer to the parents' work (so they can get back in time for dinner and bed and not have to have the faff of later night drop-offs, or driving to my mums and back to pick kid's up), and when they start nursery/school she can drop them off/pick them up.

She looks after my DD once a week at her house because I work from home, live five minutes away, and it means she can have a more relaxed day getting on with her housework around childcare.

So different things work for different people. None of it is about trust or lack thereof.

I have quite a collection of things to entertain my DGC at my house when they visit - I keep one room as their playroom (which DH uses to watch tv in) but they inevitably spill out throughout the rest of the house. I have age appropriate bikes in the garage for them and lots of outside toys for them to use. I've recently taken the baby gates off the kitchen and stairs because the youngest are now old enough to understand/be safe.

Saying that, I have looked after them (6 DGC) in their own homes for the last 9 years, whilst their mums are at work. It's only during the social visits that they play in my home. One of my daughters lives an hour away by car. I also have a selection of car seats from birth to 12 years which I can switch between a combination of any three of the DGC.

I took them to baby groups local to where they lived - I did three a week. I also did housework whenever I had a chance - in between their naps!

I'm thinking I did this purely because I had absolutely no help whatsoever when I was working full time when I had my children (primary school teacher) and I was really jealous of colleagues who had parents who would childmind. I would have been so grateful for one day a week.

OP - you will need eyes in the back of your head if you don't baby proof your home, if you look after your DGC long term. Maybe your DIL is thinking that you'll look after your DGC in her home and only take baby out in their locality in the pram, so you won't need a car seat in your car?

Also, as a PP has said, my 2 older grandchildren (6 & 9) now quite happily stay overnight with us several times a year too because they are used to being in our home -they have their own bedroom and toys etc here

My advice would be to just do it 👌.you can always reevaluate but be the bigger person and help her with this tricky time. She could be so anxious about going back to work, have a huge amount of guilt that her child will be shipped off to nursery on the other days and really want her at home, she might have some other minor thing she's worrying about that will be a non issue a few weeks in. Put aside your fragile past relationship and just help 🤷.

This exactly!!!!!

Leanne Morgan has it right.
Instagram (watch to the end)

I find it much easier looking after my toddler GC here at my house. I have all the stuff they need here as my house and garden are flatter and more streamlined. I live 40 mins away from the parents and sometimes the toddler will stay over the night before so they can get off to work earlier. Hopefully you can sort a compromise that suits you all in time.

Op, why is it so important to you to have the baby at your house?
As a Gm I would put the comfort of the child first, so they didn’t have to be taken on a 30minute early morning journey, especially in Winter.
Plus if you intend to pick baby up from their house, it’s 30 minutes there and back, in Winter it could be hard work.
Or, if Ddil or Ds dropping at yours would involve 30 minutes to yours then back to work.
It looks like it would be better for everyone, especially baby if you could go to theirs and when baby a bit older maybe they could come to yours for the day.

I think you need to look after your grandchild wherever suits you best. I look after 2 grandchildren, one day each grandchild a week, at their homes. This is my choice cos one of the parent’s has a very early start in the morning and the other parent works from home and it means the parent is there for lunch and sometimes able to give me a short break too. However all my friends drive back to their houses as that is their preference like yourself. I too live 30 mins from each parent,

Yes this is exactly what I did. My parents have passed away now but their home was a second home for my DS when he was a child. He loved them so much and they adored him. I have just spent 5 days dog/cat/chicken sitting for my son at his house. It drives me nuts! I realise it sounds ‘old lady’ but I like my own things around me. They have a range cooker, I never put it on when I am there. I rely on the microwave and gas ring for my meals. That’s totally on me of course. I always forget something I need. I like my own bed and telly too much! Sorry this is not really relevant to you @icravestardamage but I do agree with you about having the baby at your house. It’s especially kind of you to offer to pick the baby up as well. As others have said it’s best just go along with it for now as who knows what might change after the baby is born. I understand what it’s like walking on eggshells as I have that all the time with my DS and DIL. I sometimes think I should have the words ‘no problem’ tattooed on my bloody forehead! Good luck OP!

By the time the child is 3 she'll be begging you to drive him anywhere, no seatbelt needed, eating froot shoots and all the rest of it

Think carefully OP, especially as its your only day off - that is a big commitment and if/when it becomes too much (which with the best intentions, it might), it will be extremely hard to stop doing it. Do you literally work the other 6 days a week? How will you cope without getting a break? What about the things that you currently do on your day off, where will those fit in? If you are at their house you won't be able to get on with other things.

If you don't want to do.it say to them now so they can sort something else.

I wouldn't agree to that on a regular basis I'm afraid.

I've looked after 3 grandchildren one day a week in the past 10 years - 2 of them live half an hour away from me. We've always had them at our house. Especially when they're young and maybe sleep for a couple of hours in the day it means I can get on with things in my own home.

We have everything they need here and we've always taken them on days out - to the zoo, the farm, the beach in the summer etc. I would hate to be stuck inside someone else's house for 8 or 9 hours a day with young children - I'd die of boredom!

It may be ok now but what about when the child is 2 or 3 or 4 - will you still not be able to take them out anywhere in the car?

Just go to the house that is where all the things will be, it will be much easier than lugging stuff then going to work won't it?

‘Why would you need trips out with a baby?’

Because not everyone wants to stare at 4 walls all day and also it’s OP’s day off - she might want a wander around the shops or to go for a coffee somewhere?