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Original poster

One text and I'm ghosted?

36 replies

spacecadet · 16/09/2025 10:22

Met a guy on a dating app around two months ago and have been messaging ever since. Had one great date about a month ago but been hard to arrange the second because of illness/holidays. Anyway we had the second on Sunday and it confirmed to me I liked him and I felt we got on. But he brought his dog!! This meant that I ran out of things to do after two hours of walking around in circles and one short coffee stop and felt like the date had come to an end when we ended up back at the carpark and he hadn't suggested another meet-up. So I said goodbye and thought that was that. I wasnt getting date.vibes so said i was just going to go back into town to buy some shoes I'd seen. Then he texted later and I was really pleased so tried to start a conversation but he disappeared after one or two messages. Again, I figured it was bad and had basically written him off. So when he texted at 11pm (around 6 hours later) and I was half asleep asking how the rest of my evening was I sent back a slightly tetchy reply -

"Fine - had a massive clearout and got loads of stuff on vinted. Having an early night cos early start tomorrow 😇 "

This has resulted in him not replying to my whatsapp message the next day of -

"Morning, how are you? Did you decide to stay off work today?" cos he'd been saying he might.

I am so floored by this! How can one slightly dismissive text message be the thing that stops all communication?? What is this one strike and you're out rule that I'm not aware of? And is there anything I can send to try and fix this or is it terminal? Would really appreciate any advice because I'm at a complete loss Confused TIA.

OP posts:
Tigerthatcameforbrunch · 16/09/2025 11:15

Most of my weekends consist of dog walk, pub and cafe visits and I find them lovely. I always make sure to bring my dog on date one or two to make sure me and a partner are compatible on the kind of things we like doing. It sounds like he bought his dog along to see if your idea of a nice day is compatible- you found it boring- said you'd rather go shopping.

He might be struggling to retain a sense of excitement as he has seen you enjoy different things.

FuzzyWolf · 16/09/2025 11:12

Given you are two dates in and it’s already been long enough that you should be well past this stage if things were going well, I suspect that he isn’t that keen. I agree that the dog and what the dog thought of you was probably a test.

Original poster
spacecadet · 16/09/2025 11:10

Thanks for reassuring me about the text - I didn't feel it was terrible enough to never speak again! But yes, you're right in that I've been probably sending mixed messages - I react strongly to long gaps in messages because my ex basically did that to chat to other women and some of that anger probably came through. I guess it's a write-off and I'll just have to pick myself back up but it feels really unfair right now :(

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 16/09/2025 11:10

You were almost certainly giving off vibes on the date that you weren’t into it, you cut the date off to go shoe shopping (a fairly obvious snub), and then you sent a reply to his message that even you recognise was deliberately tetchy / curt. Perhaps he could have responded to your last message to say as much and wish you the best for the future, but you can’t really be surprised if he’s just concluded you haven’t clicked and decided he can’t really be bothered engaging any more.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 16/09/2025 11:08

user9064385631 · 16/09/2025 11:00

The dog didn’t like you…😀

People are weird OP, just put it down to experience and move on.

That could very well be the reason.
Or more likely, he felt that you didn't like the dog.
That would have been a dealbreaker for him, but you topped it off with that snippy text later in the day.

Sorry @spacecadet this isn't meant to be.

user9064385631 · 16/09/2025 11:00

The dog didn’t like you…😀

People are weird OP, just put it down to experience and move on.

Lavender14 · 16/09/2025 10:35

I think you're possibly blowing a bit hot and cold with him to be honest which I personally wouldn't really waste time on.

You went on the date, got bored and essentially told him you'd rather go into town shopping than continue the date (although I understand he also didn't initiate) then you're happy when he sends you a few messages after the date, sad when he has a brief pause between messages so you send him a reply that shuts conversation down and then you text him in the morning again and get annoyed he's not replied yet. Even if it hasn't come across as dismissive to him, you seem really in two minds here

duothea · 16/09/2025 10:32

'Cos' makes me cringe. I'd ghost for that alone

BluePeril · 16/09/2025 10:30

Letstheriveranswer · 16/09/2025 10:27

Your text doesn't read as dismissive even if that was what you felt, so I think you are really overthinking that part in attributing that to why he hasn't responded.
It sounds to me that there wasn't a massive spark and that he tried to keep conversation going a bit for the rest of the day, but then came to the same conclusion as you, that it was a non-starter.

This. I mean, two dates a month apart, one of which was a dog walk even the OP admits was dull, suggests this whole thing is a non-starter.

Letstheriveranswer · 16/09/2025 10:27

Your text doesn't read as dismissive even if that was what you felt, so I think you are really overthinking that part in attributing that to why he hasn't responded.
It sounds to me that there wasn't a massive spark and that he tried to keep conversation going a bit for the rest of the day, but then came to the same conclusion as you, that it was a non-starter.

BetterOffNow · 16/09/2025 10:24

Might he not just be busy? I'd give him til this evening before you write him off!