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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is it ever ok to leave parent alone at Christmas?

84 replies

Famdramm · 15/09/2025 20:46

Long story short, Christmas with my family isn’t perfect but everyone has some level of respect for each other, there’s kids about and people generally try to have a good time and make an effort.

He just has one parent, who’s almost unbearable, really hard to be around. She is vile to everyone and Christmas with her is the most depressing day ever.

We tried bringing the two together, just ruined everyone’s day. DH wants to just do my family going forward as it’s about the kids having fun, I feel like we’re probably evil if we leave a widow alone on Christmas Day. MIL would be outraged if we didn’t spend it with her. We tried suggesting Boxing Day/xmas eve instead but that went down exactly how you’d expect.

coming from a big family, I’d really hate it to just be us, I absolutely love Christmas Day and am totally over the top trying to make it magical for the kids.

So how do you split it if you both have a preference one way?

2 hr drive each way between the 2 parents which we wouldn’t want to do.

and for the vote:
YANBU - Go where you and the kids will enjoy it
YABU - You couldn’t leave her alone on Xmas day

OP posts:
Pamspeople · 15/09/2025 20:57

Of course it's fine - why would you make your kids spend time with someone horrible? And it's your husband's mum so he can decide and he can deal with her reaction.

Enjoy your Christmas, OP. Don't let a nasty person spoil it. If she's on her own maybe she'll reflect on why no one wants to spend time with her. Well, she probably won't, she'll probably just blame everyone else - but that's up to her.

SpiralSpiritSocks · 15/09/2025 20:57

Could you be really honest with her? That you want to have her for Christmas but she’ll have to follow house rules regarding behaviour?

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/09/2025 20:55

She’s his mum and he doesn’t want to see her! Because she’s horrible. Take his lead and choose a fabulous, happy, stress free Christmas. No one has a right to company at Christmas or any other time.

And I always host and have an open door policy, I’m more the merrier and will feed anyone. But I wouldn’t host someone who was horrible to me or my other guests, fuck that for a game of soldiers.

katiecustard2 · 15/09/2025 20:52

I’m not sure why you’d feel obliged to do anything for a woman who is vile and spoils everyone’s day? Can you elaborate? Is she nasty to others?

It isn’t nice to think of her alone but she’s brought it on herself if she can’t be pleasant and civil to others.

DoubtfulCat · 15/09/2025 20:51

It’s surely up to him? And if she’s horrible to everyone then she’s reaping what she’s sown.

thepariscrimefiles · 15/09/2025 20:51

I assume that your MIL chooses to be awful and it's not because she has some mental health problems?

If your DH wants to spend Christmas with your family, knowing his mother will be alone, I would definitely go along with his wishes without any guilt. She does sound like a horrible person who would ruin your Christmas.

Cynic17 · 15/09/2025 20:51

Of course it is Lots of people are alone at Christmas and love it. Even if they don't, it's just one day. And none of us is responsible for the happiness of another adult, for goodness sake.

BoredZelda · 15/09/2025 20:50

If he’s ok with it, so should you. I’m sick of being the one who is concerned about my parents on Christmas despite being one of 3 siblings. I’ve decided it isn’t my problem any more.

JimmyGiraffe · 15/09/2025 20:48

Would she definitely be alone if she wasn’t with you?