Is it ever ok to leave parent alone at Christmas?

She's given you a perfect reason not to invite her with her vile and ungrateful comments about your hospitality.
Your DH can just say to her that she clearly doesn't enjoy the food and drink you provide, so she will surely be better off not coming and having exactly what she wants to eat on Christmas Day.

She sounds awful. I'd follow your husband's lead on this one.

Its ok to not spend time with horrible people.

Horrible people eventually become alone just as they also become old. Being old or alone doesn’t make someone suddenly nice and deserving.

When you see people moan ah but nobody comes to see frank in the old folks home. No because Frank was a grade A arsehole who was horrible to everyone so nobody wants to see him. It’s Franks fault he is the bad guy, not the people not visiting.

Your mil is frank. Leave her to her own horrible ways and thoughts alone.

You need to support your DH's decision on this.

Having read your update there is no way I’d be spoiling my Christmas Day ever again. Do what makes you happy on Christmas day and if she asks why she isn’t invited be honest, that she is a nasty woman who spoils the full day.

spend time with people who make you happy.

with that attitude she has I’m not surprised her other son hasn’t been home in 20 years,

RTFT!!!!!!!

I have just read the examples for horridness. Have you told her she is rude?
She might keep her mouth shut a bit more, although it is hard to change true nature.

Don’t invite her, and make clear why.

No one has to be on their own on Christmas Day, unless they want to be. There are various community Christmas lunches, restaurants etc advertising locally, some high priced, some intended to provide company for those living on their own. She could go to one of those if she doesn’t want to be on her own.

She's worried about how she feels about the situation.

She isn't worried about the situation itself, or how her husband feels, its how she feels about the situation.

Horrible people don't have an automatic right to be hosted. She couldn't be civil so she has forfeited her chance of a repeat invitation.

No, don't have her and don't feel guilty. I'd feel rubbish if F-i-L was ever left alone at Christmas because he is lovely. He rambles on telling the same stories over and over and takes 40 mins to leave the house but he is kind and sweet and we love him.

But she has isolated herself with her bitchy comments. If she complains, I'd be fairly direct with her and say in a very sweet and understanding voice: 'Christmas really matters to us. We love to enjoy it. But you always tell us you find our spread 'underwhelming', the wine not expensive enough (why not bring some, then?) the cooking not as good as your friend's, the conversation below your intellectual standard. The constant criticisms and negativity really spoil the mood so unless you are willing to make a huge effort to be jolly and appreciative, we think it best if you spend Christmas with people who live up to your exacting standards.' I honestly think being blunt with mean relatives, but in a very gentle, slightly concerned and puzzled tone, is the way to prevent them being manipulative forever more.

Your own husband doesn’t want to be around her so it’s really not for you to go and invite her out of some imagined obligation. She can go visit the faultless brother, or maybe ruminate on why her son doesn’t want to ruin his kids Christmas with her presence this year.

Sometimes you have to, for the greater good. Similar issue with my father in law. We’ll see him Boxing Day!

@Famdramm you are not obliged to ever see someone so nasty.

Think of it like this.

Option A - she has a ruined Christmas because she’s so nasty to everyone else that she’s left on her own (but sounds like she wouldn’t enjoy it whatever happens). But everyone else has a wonderful Christmas.

Option B - you invite her over and no one has a wonderful Christmas.

I spent YEARS putting up with a nightmare relative who would then ruin Christmas for everyone, as otherwise they would be on their own.
One year I just thought, I’m not doing this anymore.
Now I just don’t invite them, and we all have a much better time.
My only regret?
All the years I fell over backwards to include him.
Sod your MIL, she sounds absolutely vile.

There are a few posts about how the H of the family won't stand up to his dreadful family and everyone is lumbered with them.

@Famdramm you have a H saying "let's just have a nice Christmas as we are"
So run with it.
You don't have to get involved just agree, that's it, all you have to do is agree and you get the Christmas you want. How much easier do you need it to be?

Reframe the question… is there any reason I should invite a a rude and ungrateful guest to my home for Christmas to the detriment of all other guests … if anyone asked you this what would you say?

imo she doesn’t want to be there or she would be appreciative… so she can stay home where she’s happy

Honestly, it sounds as if she would be miserable whether you invite her or not. At least if she's at home alone, there's only one miserable person.

And PLEASE don't drive between them on the day, DH and I tried that once years ago and it ruined the whole day.

"she said my family just lack the intellect to match her conversation"

Given all of the reasons she complained you should tell her that she can go and be with people who will match her conversation, will pay more for wine and put on a better spread. The word spread gives me the ick.

She has brought this on herself so these are the reasons to give her.

I think I would leave her alone for one year and then let her know she can come the following year if she is kind, pleasant and doesn't let any negative comments come out of her mouth. If that means her sitting in silence then so be it. She may be an adult but she needs to be taught some manners.

I hosted Christmas last year for the first time- period to that my parents did every year as mum loved it and they had a big house. My dad came (mum died last year) and was rude and hurtful to my husband. He won't be coming to my house for Christmas again. If a guest behaves badly in your home they don't get to come back and do it again IMO. Honestly I'd hate to leave him on his own but I will still maintain that boundary. Thankfully I have other siblings who would like to host.

Christmas is over rated it is a Sunday dinner at the end of the day and inviting family members you don't get on with the rest of the year is absolute madness in my book also going into debt to buy a bunch of that that no one needs or wants is crazy also

I think it's up to your husband and if he doesn't want her there for Christmas you have to respect his wishes.

Your DH needs to have a serious word with her if he wants to invite her, and remind her to behave like a guest and have a few manners. People who accept invitations into other people's homes, happily eat and drink and sit on their arses and then have the audacity to be rude make me want to fucking scream. There's NEVER an excuse for it.

I have a strong suspicion MIL had a similar chat with SIL before we hosted xmas and she was astonishingly lovely that year compared to the previous visit, so sometimes it does work.

She can be nice or not come. Her choice.

SIL brought her neighbour to MIL's for Xmas one year.
Despite having family it seems that for some reason nobody wanted to spend xmas with the sweet little old lady
It soon became apparent why, she was awful. After dinner and the minmum of politeness we all decamped into another room and left her to SIL.