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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think he’s perhaps financially abusive? Or just does care about me?

61 replies

fuckhimintheear · 15/09/2025 20:28

There’s a long history of this stuff, but I’ll stick with the past 48 hours.

He calls me yesterday mid morning and asks me what I’m up to. He suggests I meet him in town. We meet at Wetherspoons and as I know him so very well, when he asks me what I’d like I ask for the muffin deal. It’s £3 and I also get a can of drink which I can take home and give to my son.

I eat my muffin and he goes to get himself a drink. I ask if I can have one too and he kicks off. I know I have the canned drink, but really? I’m a mother of five, the youngest being 15 months. Can he not let me have a drink of if I ask for one?

Last week he was at work and I sold his bike for him in his absence. I was struggling to feed the kids whilst he was away all week, but I made do. I didn’t dip in to the cash. Today I was asked to pay someone £300 out of said cash. I did that. Then he came home and counted the other £1300 remaining and found it to be £20 down. He accused me of helping myself.

I literally had £60 in my bank account and immediately sent him £20, but I’m gutted. What am I actually dealing with here? I never touched his cash, only to pay what was owed to someone else. I feel like I despise him right now.

OP posts:
YourWinter · 15/09/2025 21:00

None of this makes sense. You’ve had five children, over quite a few years if (at least) one is a teenager and one barely toddling, and only now you’re thinking things aren’t looking so good in terms of fairness?

Sixtimesnow · 15/09/2025 21:00

He's disrespectful and treats you as inferior from what you've said.

Enigma54 · 15/09/2025 21:00

fuckhimintheear · 15/09/2025 20:58

I don’t want his property. I just want to be treated like a human being.

The money was counted by him when he returned from work, and put somewhere safe. That he counted it again and found it to be £20 down….that can only mean one thing. That he thinks I’m a thief.

Do you work? What if he throws you out the property, then what?

Original poster
fuckhimintheear · 15/09/2025 20:58

I don’t want his property. I just want to be treated like a human being.

The money was counted by him when he returned from work, and put somewhere safe. That he counted it again and found it to be £20 down….that can only mean one thing. That he thinks I’m a thief.

OP posts:
Lollytea655 · 15/09/2025 20:57

Do you work OP?

You need to find a way to leave, would be my advice.

Donttellempike · 15/09/2025 20:56

fuckhimintheear · 15/09/2025 20:53

I pay the bills. They are all in my name. The houses are in his name solely.

I didn’t change what is fact, as per a pp. It was a typo. HE pays the mortgages and I pay all the bills.

You need to get a job op if you don’t work. You are incredibly vulnerable at the moment

Donttellempike · 15/09/2025 20:55

LuckyShark · 15/09/2025 20:49

She might have been entitled if she was able to prove she was solely paying the mortgage without his help.
But OP changed from stating she was paying the mortgages to bills

Show quote history

This is not true. Property law determines who owns property. She is not on the deeds so has no claim.

If they were married she could claim under Family law provisions , she is not so cannot.

Paying bills or the mortgage makes no difference to the above.

There is a vanishingly rare provision under the law of equity. It is incredibly rare for that to be a successful route.

She would have to argue he intended her to benefit and led her to believe that. And she acted to her detriment relying on that belief

Without documentation to prove that she has no Chance

Original poster
fuckhimintheear · 15/09/2025 20:53

I pay the bills. They are all in my name. The houses are in his name solely.

I didn’t change what is fact, as per a pp. It was a typo. HE pays the mortgages and I pay all the bills.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 15/09/2025 20:53

Never ever sleep with this vile man ever again op.

Enigma54 · 15/09/2025 20:52

They are his houses, yet you pay the bills? Are the bills in your name? Or do you just transfer him the money and he pays? Do you have a cohabitants agreement written up?

Donttellempike · 15/09/2025 20:49

Do you work OP?

LuckyShark · 15/09/2025 20:49

Donttellempike · 15/09/2025 20:44

This is not true. If she’s not on the deeds she has no claim to the property.

Edited
Show quote history

She might have been entitled if she was able to prove she was solely paying the mortgage without his help.
But OP changed from stating she was paying the mortgages to bills

Original poster
fuckhimintheear · 15/09/2025 20:48

Just to clarify, because I’ve made some typos and been a bit vague, unintentionally.

He owns two houses. One in which we live. I own nothing. He pays his mortgages and his car. I pay all the bills like council tax and utilities. Although he insists he does it all, we pay about £800 a month each on groceries.

The muffin deal is £3 and includes a Monster drink if that’s what you choose. He won’t let me buy these for my teenage son usually, so if I feel I can get a ‘free’ one I’ll take it and give it to my son. He was going to the bar to get himself another drink, so I thought it was ok to ask for one too.

OP posts:
Donttellempike · 15/09/2025 20:47

LuckyShark · 15/09/2025 20:47

Ah sorry I thought you could prove you had been paying the bills, which would have put you in a stronger position.

But there is still hope.

Stay quiet get legal/financial advice ASAP

You know this is no way to live

No. It would not.

LuckyShark · 15/09/2025 20:47

Ah sorry I thought you could prove you had been paying the bills, which would have put you in a stronger position.

But there is still hope.

Stay quiet get legal/financial advice ASAP

You know this is no way to live

Donttellempike · 15/09/2025 20:46

I hope you work OP. Because if you are not married and not in the deeds to the house you are financially in a very poor position.

The only entitlement you have is to maintenance for the children

MellowPinkDeer · 15/09/2025 20:44

This sounds so fucked up. Why are you with this moron?

Donttellempike · 15/09/2025 20:44

LuckyShark · 15/09/2025 20:42

I never ever have said this here.

But if you share children and he essentially is kicking off over buying one a can of pop and then you a drink.

Run home and change the locks. If you can prove you've been paying the mortgages you have rights to the properties. You will have a better and more peaceful life for you and your children without living with such a miserly suspicious fucker.

You don't mention if you are married or not, but whichever way, go and get those ducks lined up. Keep quiet for the meantime...

But plan your exit and plan to live your life where you can enjoy it with yoir children and not live in fear and under his reign of financial abuse.

This is not true. If she’s not on the deeds she has no claim to the property.

Sixtimesnow · 15/09/2025 20:43

He'll end up with the houses and you'll end up with nothing. Even though you've contributed by buying the food and paying the bills.

LuckyShark · 15/09/2025 20:42

I never ever have said this here.

But if you share children and he essentially is kicking off over buying one a can of pop and then you a drink.

Run home and change the locks. If you can prove you've been paying the mortgages you have rights to the properties. You will have a better and more peaceful life for you and your children without living with such a miserly suspicious fucker.

You don't mention if you are married or not, but whichever way, go and get those ducks lined up. Keep quiet for the meantime...

But plan your exit and plan to live your life where you can enjoy it with yoir children and not live in fear and under his reign of financial abuse.

dontmalbeconme · 15/09/2025 20:41

I must admit, I'd be raising an eyebrow, if I bought someone a drink, they put in it their bag to take home, and expected me to buy them another!

It really depends whether this is your husband, shared lives, shared children as to how unreasonable hes being. If you're just dating, with separate finances, then you take in turns to buy rounds, surely, and hes not responsible for your finances. If, however, you're at home looking after his 5 kids while he goes away, he should be making sure his children are adequately provided for.

Enigma54 · 15/09/2025 20:41

fuckhimintheear · 15/09/2025 20:37

He pays, sorry. He pays his mortgages and I pay the bills.

Whose property are you all living in?

Shoxfordian · 15/09/2025 20:40

Why didn't you buy his second drink and one for yourself then? Can you not get a multipack of cans on your weekly shop? He sounds shit but I don't get the wetherspoons thing

SallySuperTrooper · 15/09/2025 20:40

fuckhimintheear · 15/09/2025 20:38

@SallySuperTrooperYes, we were there for an hour or so. Doing life admin and talking about something upcoming that’s important. In that time he had two or three drinks.

But you didn't even open the first drink?
And why is there 2 mortgages?

Enigma54 · 15/09/2025 20:40

Bloody hell. He’s happy for HIS kids to go hungry? Is that true? If so, I’m speechless. Why are you paying two mortgages?