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Original poster

My old job have sent my new job a reference request, but I haven’t applied there

62 replies

InAWorkQuandry · 15/09/2025 19:37

posting in AIBU for traffic because wtf do I do?!

I left my old job about a month and a half ago. It wasn’t under brilliant circumstances. They were desperate for me to stay, I wanted to leave. My old boss still contacts me regularly to ask if I regret the move and if I’d like to come back.

My new boss came up to me today and said she was sorry to hear I was leaving as she thought I’d settled in well. I was extremely confused because I’ve not applied anywhere else. I love my new job and want to stay there.

it turns out my old job have sent a reference request to my new job. I have reassured my manager that I’m very happy and not planning on leaving, and she’s going to ignore it. But wtf??? What do I do?? My old job have made it clear that “the door is always open”, meaning they basically want me back. I think their aim was that I’d end up leaving this new job and go back to them. But obviously that’s not what I want.

how the hell do I deal with this?!

OP posts:
Bambamhoohoo · 15/09/2025 20:57

Franpie · 15/09/2025 20:54

I would assume it’s an HR cockup and they meant to send a reference request to your replacement’s employer but something has got muddled up in the file and they sent it to your employer instead.

They sent a reference request to the new employer- I dont see how that could happen in a muddle up?

m00rfarm · 15/09/2025 20:56

Oneeyedonkey · 15/09/2025 19:46

I thought her language was dramatic.
"How the hell" "WTF" etc

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But it IS "how the hell" and "WTF". A company where the OP has NOT applied for a job, has asked for references. That is totally unacceptable. Or do you really think that is totally normal?

itsgettingweird · 15/09/2025 20:56

Oneeyedonkey · 15/09/2025 19:46

I thought her language was dramatic.
"How the hell" "WTF" etc

Show quote history

That’s pretty mild language considering what her old job have done imo.

It’s just words in a screen. Words to describe a situation that’s at best odd!

Laundrywitch · 15/09/2025 20:56

They’re trying to undermine you in your new job. It’s toxic. Make a formal complaint. Do you have a probation at your new job?

Franpie · 15/09/2025 20:54

I would assume it’s an HR cockup and they meant to send a reference request to your replacement’s employer but something has got muddled up in the file and they sent it to your employer instead.

decreasingbells · 15/09/2025 20:53

InAWorkQuandry · 15/09/2025 19:59

Sadly a cease and desist isn’t really a thing in the UK, I could send a letter before action but I’d need a solid cause of action

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I agree with you However you could email their Data Protection Officer if they have one and HR if not to ask them to restrict your data and to refrain from further processing pursuant to Article 19 of UK GDPR. If they continue to contact you (and so process your data) you might send a pre-action letter on that back of that.

CruCru · 15/09/2025 20:50

Out of nosiness, what is it that you do? I have heard of people going nuts when the nanny leaves but this is ridiculous.

ohyesido · 15/09/2025 20:46

That is not normal action, it sounds like your previous employer is actually trying to sabotage you.

MaurineWayBack · 15/09/2025 20:44

That’s such a crazy thing to do.
Who in Earth tries to entice someone to come to work fur then by making their life hard in their current place? Surely that would a ted flag for anyone and THE sign to avoid them??

Bambamhoohoo · 15/09/2025 20:40

Has anyone ever tried to get this sort of thing on their legal home insurance? 😂 it doesn’t come easily IME.

bluelavender · 15/09/2025 20:39

This is serious
It could have damaged your relationship with your new employer.

Definitely contact them and ask why they have used your data in this way. It feels unlikely that this would be an error. How would they have your new employer details?

Distress for misuse of personal data has been recognised in law. This is quite a long (and rather technical article) but is a good summary.

Damages in Misuse of Private Information Claims – Carruthers Law | Carruthers Law https://share.google/FI9vX7Wp0FrVnngUR

The motivation on the misuse can also be taken into account

Maddy70 · 15/09/2025 20:35

Allthesnowallthetime · 15/09/2025 19:47

Isn't this a breach of GDPR? They have kept and used your details for no legitimate reason.

This.
Contact your union. If you aren't in one, often there is free legal advice included on your home insurance a solicitors letter will do wonders

thequeenoftarts · 15/09/2025 20:31

Email your old company both boss and HR and the new one at the same time, ie BCC in the new company and inform your boss that they are in breach of GDPR requesting references that you have not given them permission to seek.

If they keep it up you will view it as harassment and assume they are attempting to blacken your name with your new employer/damage your position within the new company

. You are very happy in your new job and will not be going back to A company under any circumstances and you give B company every permission to delete any requests from your old employer and to please come ask you before giving out any information to them at all.

napody · 15/09/2025 20:30

Bambamhoohoo · 15/09/2025 20:25

There is really no need to be paying for solicitors letters. Speak to HR, block the manager and then next steps are complaints and potentially police. You shouldn’t be the one forking out £400 for cain and able llp to send a letter that isn’t enforceable to them!

Agree.
It's bordering on harassment.

SilverCamellia · 15/09/2025 20:28

Oneeyedonkey · 15/09/2025 19:39

No need for drama, email your old boss, make it clear you're happy in your new role a d not looking to return.
No drama. Just facts.

You always get one stupid poster.

Bambamhoohoo · 15/09/2025 20:25

There is really no need to be paying for solicitors letters. Speak to HR, block the manager and then next steps are complaints and potentially police. You shouldn’t be the one forking out £400 for cain and able llp to send a letter that isn’t enforceable to them!

Keepingthingsinteresting · 15/09/2025 20:23

InAWorkQuandry · 15/09/2025 19:59

Sadly a cease and desist isn’t really a thing in the UK, I could send a letter before action but I’d need a solid cause of action

Show quote history

A cease and desist letter is a thing in the UK. I would absolutely be sending them a letter setting out in very clear terms that they have fucked up from a data perspective and that if they continue to interfere with your employment and cause you loss you will be taking action. Their behaviour is outrageous!

Original poster
InAWorkQuandry · 15/09/2025 20:20

Shr3dding · 15/09/2025 20:08

Are they known for being a bit bonkers? What an odd way to go about things, who would even think that up?

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they have a reputation as being a pretty poor employer. I think from their perspective they saw me as calling their bluff when I handed my notice in. Then I actually left and they’re not happy.

OP posts:
MissScarletInTheBallroom · 15/09/2025 20:14

Can't you just block your old boss on all forms of communication?

Absolutely batshit behaviour.

ForgetMeNotRose · 15/09/2025 20:12

Could it be an error? Presumably your new job sent your old job a reference request, so couldn't it just be a mix up?

FuzzyWolf · 15/09/2025 20:10

InAWorkQuandry · 15/09/2025 19:49

I have emailed HR.

@FurForksSakethe constant contact from my old boss makes me think it isn’t an error.

Then I would send a final email and make it clear that you will take legal action for harassment if it, or anything similar, happens again.

Shr3dding · 15/09/2025 20:08

InAWorkQuandry · 15/09/2025 19:44

I think to try and get me out of my new job. It’s very much a case of they wanted to keep me (and would do everything besides put together a good offer!). I think they’re hoping for it to become so awkward I leave, and then am in a position where I go back

Show quote history

Are they known for being a bit bonkers? What an odd way to go about things, who would even think that up?

Original poster
InAWorkQuandry · 15/09/2025 19:59

Bladderpool · 15/09/2025 19:48

That’s appalling behaviour and very manipulative. I think I’d actually speak to a solicitor and get them to send a cease and desist.

Sadly a cease and desist isn’t really a thing in the UK, I could send a letter before action but I’d need a solid cause of action

OP posts:
GirlsInGreen · 15/09/2025 19:50

HR & Subject access report request. This is outrageous.

Original poster
InAWorkQuandry · 15/09/2025 19:49

I have emailed HR.

@FurForksSakethe constant contact from my old boss makes me think it isn’t an error.

OP posts: