To not allow SIL to take my child unsupervised

What if they’d abused another minor @youalright and had been convicted and imprisoned?

Very weird.

I wouldn’t trust the parent of an abuser with my child. Most abusers are abused themselves. Very dodgy situation, the fact DH enables it as well would not be ok with me.

I would have cut all contact immediately dead at time of abuse. I wouldn't give them a second chance to abuse my DC. I'd be furious and explain to your DC why they can't go with an adult who would not safeguard them.

1000% - doesn’t matter how much I love that man he can let the door smack his ass all the way back to his mammy’s basement for all I care.

Protect your goddamn kids 👏🏻

I have clinically diagnosed C-PTSD and my entire life would have been considerably different if I wasn’t made to continue contact with my abuser because they were family. I now have had zero contact with either of my parents for 14 years and I will not break that. Ever.

Think long and hard OP.

That would mean nothing to me and if my dh insisted I keep up contact, id be leaving him!

Keep her far away from your dc.... For all the reasons you have stated..

I think you need to respect your own boundaries OP. There has been abuse, significant enough that you have reported it to social services. There would be no further contact with this branch of the family, it were my child.

A hard no.

the OP did not say the cousin (also a child) raped her DD. We have no idea what the cousin is supposed to have done nor how old either child was at the time or is now.

Equally puzzled and OP hasn't answered this really.

OP, your DH wants to be in contact with people whose son raped your child and denied it and covered it up? Like, in what universe is this even conceivable?

I'd be taking my child to the other end of the country, not allow DH to see him unsupervised and if found and challenged, use every penny I have on a solicitor.

I agree with @Everyonesawher.

@BeHeartyFox, even under your supervision SIL was able to swoop over to your children to push her toxic agenda. She is a narcissistic abuser who feels entitled to drip her poison and control the narrative. Your weak and codependent H is blind to the havoc she is capable of wreaking.

SIL has proven that your agency and boundaries mean nothing to her, and she clearly feels entitled to bulldoze over them. As her actions are destructive to both children’s
well-being, I would permanently cut contact. My children would no longer be allowed to be in her presence, even supervised.

Of course, but don’t feel you have to. It may be just as useful for you to ruminate on it as to have a Mumsnetter offer an outside view. Don’t put yourself in a position you’re uncomfortable with.

Again, if my beloved DH whom I love more life itself put his family member who, let’s not mince words, abused my young child, he would be explaining his reasoning in divorce court. There is no way on God’s green earth or any other imagined world that I would even consider putting his feelings about his family above my child.

Do not let this child down to placate a man who clearly isn’t taking this incident as seriously as he should.

I was abused as a pre teen by a close relative whom I did not live with. My parents despite knowing ignored them for a short time before making me attend family events. He would approach me at these events though it made me uncomfortable. They could see his behaviour but still made me go and it affected my relationship with them. My siblings saw it too and it affected their relationship with our parents also. I did not feel protected and it has had long term impact on me.

I felt that they put my abuser and family before me. I honestly think you need to review having any contact with any of them and think about the damage being done to both as the younger child is seeing this behaviour and hearing their aunt favour their sibling. As for your DH let him keep contact but protect the children

edited to add: she has shown no concern for boundaries, belittled what her child did and is trying to isolate your child like a groomer does. Whether your child remembers exactly what happened or not. They know her child should not be near them. Who’s to say that their abuser won’t turn up at this activity after trust has been established?

Not being around the abuser unsupervised is good but implies your child is forced to be around their abuser supervised. They should not have to be out in this situation.

I would be questioning why your DH puts his abusive family in front of the safety and comfort of his own child. Why isn’t he more interested in putting distance between his precious child and the people who abused and excused abuse?? You instead feel you have to maintain these horrible relationships for him alone. Why?

So this teen abused someone, yet nothing was done? Just cut contact with your ILs. And report the police for misconduct. A child was abused and the abuser got a caution.

Edit (sorry): Hopefully he won’t be able to work with kids in the future? If he abused one then it needs to be a case where he will never. Genuinely I’m perplexed as to why this hasn’t resulted in criminal charges.

What does ‘a mark’ on their record mean? This really feels like the police haven’t done their job, and your family have been left without the hard support of action or conviction to make you feel you can cut these people off.

Is the favourite child for SIL the one her child abused?

Its hard to say if yabu or not as significant information is missing. Some people misuse the word abuse and are just drama llamas. Ss where not interested the police where not contacted the whole family thinks your overreacting, there's still contact and your dh has no problem with your dd being alone with her aunt and your very focused on favouritism its odd. If someone actually abused my child the police would be called and we would be zero contact ever again.