Is a 12 year age gap ok?

My Dad ws 12 years older than my Mum. Never seemed like an issue. Though unfortunately he died at 67 so Mum was a widow in her mid 50s

i’m 22 and my fella is 35. 😂

When I’m 40, he’ll be 52

When you're 50, he'll be 62. You're probably fine at this point

When you're 60, he'll be 72. And here's where the trouble starts I reckon. Right now, no, a 12 year age gap isn't a problem. In 20 years time, that 12 year gap is going to feel like an ever widening gulf.

When you're 70, he'll be 82. And now you're probably his carer.

How he is with your son would be the issue for me - given his age and set in his ways would you always be happy not living together

but actually @Daisychain1989 yiu have posted and used the word potential so there is something that you don’t feel is right for you so what is it?

@Dancingdance , The average age of fathers increased to 33.8, while mothers' average age remains stable at 30.9 ... (ONS)

I wouldn't assume that a 48-yo is the grandparent. Always err on the side of caution, or you might offend someone who just happens to look older.

Late 40s is grandad age. Most dads of young children are in their 20s or 30s. I always assume an older man is a grandad, not dad.

It’s this for me. I’ve seen it growing up with friends parents and now experiencing it as a woman in late 40s with my friends with older partners. The age gap starts to matter later in life, particularly with changes in outlook and health issues.

DH has had sleep apnoea for years now. He has a CPAP machine so it's like sleeping beside Darth Vader every night 🤣🤣

Joking aside, I hope your DH gets a checkover from a health professional to make sure there's nothing untoward going on. This getting old business isn't easy.

Yes, this is agree with too.

My DH is a lot more tired these days and I do worry about how his health issues may have been exacerbated by having Covid recently, especially his sleep apnea. I'm hoping it's not heart related but we're getting him checked out.

are you OK with becoming your partner's carer in early middle-age etc?

That goes both ways surely regardless of age difference? There’s no guarantee that the younger person is always going to be more fit and healthy and/or won’t need care.

Plus, studies show when the female partner needs a carer, it is a higher percentage that their male partner will leave them compared to when it is the male partner needing a carer.

I agree in some ways about the subtle parent and child dynamics to our relationship. It's probably always been there and my DH can be quite controlling at times, definitely.

Does it not depend on the man though? Some are young and fit in their 60s and some are old codgers

My DH is 55. I've been with him for 20 years. I'm 11 years younger, aged 44.

We're doing the best we can with 3 DC, but occasionally he gets really tired. He is having a few health issues at the moment and I do worry about it all more now we're both getting older,,especially with parents in their 80s too.

🤣🤣🤣

My husband is 11 years older than me and it's never been an issue (20 years together).

In fact it's worked in my favour as he wants me to retire at the same time as him so he's spent a lot of time carefully planning our finances so that we can do this when the time comes. 🥳

Not diabetic as he has annual health MOTs due to chronic health conditions. Just exhausted raising a big family. The feeling is mutual 😂

Any age gap is OK where adults are concerned as long as both parties have thought it through (eg, are you OK with becoming your partner's carer in early middle-age etc?)

Honestly, the bizarre attitudes on here sometimes to adult relationships.

Marrying a man the same age as you is no guarantee you will grow old together. My husband died at 69, when I was 67, so no long retirement together for us.
If I loved someone, I would make the most of the years we had together and worry about the future when it happened.

No he won't, because a 60-year-old man wouldn't have a 48-year-old daughter.

I'd barely even consider 12 years to be an 'age gap' to be honest, especially when you're in your 30s and 40s and already have kids. I know a lot of people on Mumsnet are weird about ages and are convinced that if your partner is more than about two years older you're doomed to a life as a carer and/or dating a pervert, but personally I think you're a pair of adults of more or less the same generation and it's perfectly fine and normal.

He's 48 not 78!
Not much above average age for fatherhood.

My husband’s nearly 10 years older than me. We’ve been together since I was 19 and I’m in my 40s now. It’s never been a problem, I was always mature for my age, and these days the gap doesn’t feel noticeable at all - my husband is still active more so than me! I’m more the one driving to get the mortgage paid off and live an easier life than he is.

I think, if you’re at a point when you can decide not to get into this relationship, then I think you shouldn’t.

sorry, just re-read, you have one child, he has none and doesn't want any!!

Do you have kids from a previous relationship?
If you do and you both dont want any more, i'd say go for it if you are a good fit in how you get on with each other and values. Him retiring early could be a problem but if he has a decent pension and you get married, you could reduce hours etc but i'd want to talk about this.
I personally wouldn't think twice if i got on well with him, if i liked his personality and found him physically attractive.