His daughter's behaviour....

I always chuck flowers straight in the bin. I have a horrendous reaction to the pollen and can't breathe so actually, the people that know this and still send them are the assholes in my situation.
Can't really imagine many 19 year olds wanting 10 day old flowers though so surely binning them rather than leaving them for someone else to clear up was the right thing for her to be doing here??

Do you have children OP? As parents, we get the children we are given and while parenting does obviously play a huge part in who a child grows up to be, it doesn’t shape their every action or feeling.

You accurately can’t judge a persons parenting skills on how teenagers behave in their own home.

She was going off to university, what was she supposed to do with a bunch of cellophane wrapped flowers? They were always either going to go in the bin early, or be left to rot and stink as while left in an empty house. If she’s done that you’d probably be on here complaining that she left her flowers to be cleaned up by someone else. YABVU.

If I had received a bouquet of flowers 10 days ago, and then I was leaving and there was nobody else in the house who would enjoy them, I’d bin them too. What else would she be expected to do with them - just leave them to rot?

Am I missing something here?

I wonder whether a bunch of flowers was a good present for someone who was just about to go off to Uni? She couldn’t really enjoy them for long as she was about to go and probably didn’t want to leave them out to die after she left.

Or, they could be from a stalker ex as pps have said.

Or she might just have not wanted the hassle of putting them in water but even though that seems ungrateful, it’s probably not worth wasting your time worrying about.

So flowers a fortnight old she was supposed to have done what?

also. You don’t know who they came from. They might have come from a stalker ex.

I came home one day to 2 dozen red roses from interflora on my step. I didn’t fucking want them. No name but I know who they were from and they went straight in the bin.

She is 19, of course she has a history of selfish behaviour.

Maybe they weren’t lovely to her. It’s definitely not that deep.

I don’t like flowers. Watching them die etc. maybe she’s the same

It sounds like what it's touching on is whether you and your partners beliefs are aligned. You say you feel they are the same based on what he says.. what do his current actions say rather than what he speaks of? I would also consider how much control do I believe one parent has on a child's behaviour? Not that there's a right answer but do I personally believe he is overwhelmingly responsible?

Is this lower mind fear based chatter or my intuition trying to show me something I might not like to look at?

Why do you need to separate his parenting from your perception of him? I would consider that that's part of your value system and is informing your opinion. At the same time, the experience of parenting over many years can change a person.

I'm sure you will come to some clarity.

Perfectly ok, if it's yours to bin.

I didn't realise when I replied, I misread the Op!

Oh I must've read it wrong, I thought she'd binned them v soon after getting them!

It's none of your business what she, or any other person, does with her own property.

Maybe there are all sorts of other awful things she does that make it reasonable for you to dislike her.

This simply isn't one of them. Her birthday was 10 days ago and not enjoying someone's gift in the way you would in the privacy of her own home is not a character flaw. Her not unwrapping the flowers sent by someone who presumably wasn't there to see hurt absolutely no one, and cut flowers are expected to be thrown out a week or so later anyways.

If you've reached a place where you're determined (even unconsciously) to attach malice and poor character to things like this then you're going to find excuses to do so everywhere. Nothing will improve in your feelings or relationship until you can find your way out of that place.

Am I missing something here? They are 10 days old and she has gone back to uni. Would people really be carrying a 10 day old bouquet when they need to travel back to uni? It doesn't seem practical to me.

You're being ridiculous about the flowers. It was an unwanted gift, regardless of who they were from. She'd be selfish and unpleasant if she called up the person who sent them and said 'Those flowers were shit, I put them in the bin' but quietly getting rid of a gift you don't want without the giver's knowledge harms literally nobody.

My mum - who I adore - recently bought me a mug. It was a lovely thought, but I really don't like it, will never use it and already have a cupboard overflowing with more mugs than I could ever want or need. Consequently, I thanked her for the gift, gave her a hug, and then without her knowledge gave it straight to a charity shop. She is none the wiser and is happy that she gave me a gift, and I don't have to hoard something I don't want and will never use. Nobody has been hurt or offended.

Arguably, I could have said 'Sorry, I can't use this, can I have the receipt?' but clearly your partner's daughter couldn't do that for a bunch of flowers so why shouldn't she just bin them if they're not something she likes?!

You obviously have huge issues with your partner's daughter anyway, but your reaction is really OTT here.

Her birthday was 10 days ago, were they not on the way out anyway? Even if they were still fresh I wouldn't be transporting a bouquet back to uni. It's not the easiest gift to travel with is it? Not something you can pack in your suitcase.

What else is she supposed to do with a 10 day old bunch of flowers when she's going back to uni?

Not sure many teenagers appreciate flowers as a given anyway!

They are almost a fortnight old.

It’s charmless for sure. But the OP has reacted really strongly to it, including doubting her relationship. So yes, I don’t think the act of binning some flowers when you’re 19 and going back to uni is that deep.

Why does that bother you? I had a teen boyfriend who bought me flowers once because he behaved like an arse - I put the flowers straight in the bin.

Also as pp said, it's better in the bin than leaving them to wilt and die in a vase while she's away.

Not that deep? Binning a lovely bouquet is ok then?

That’s exactly the sort of thing I would have done at 19. It’s not that deep. No different to not wearing a top someone got you cos you didn’t like it.

Others have mentioned your feeling towards her but at the end of the post you say it actually affects how you feel about your partner. It sounds to me like you have some doubts about him as you are asking about how he raises children. That's what this is pointing to it's not about the flowers or the daughter from what I've read. If it was me, that is what I would be examining and reflecting on. I like to journal privately to figure out my thoughts as well as conscious and unconscious beliefs and what is actually true to me.

Also, her behaviour is out of your control. It is in your control to decide not to buy her a gift if you choose to. What else is in your control to change how this affects you?