Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

His daughter's behaviour....

85 replies

Forthelovagod · 15/09/2025 17:28

Partner has one daughter 19, lives with him but now at uni so home some of the time. Just been home for summer.
Was her birthday 10 days ago. Saw lots of lovely gifts lying around one of which was a beautiful m&s bouquet.

Partner works away. Left a week ago. She left for uni yesterday. Called in to house today to do some jobs and when putting rubbush out noticed the bouquet still in cellophane unopened in the bin.

I didnt buy them but im pretty sure whoever did would be pretty devastated to see them chucked in the bin.. I just can't fathom this behaviour and find it hard to be around. Im actually sad i bought her a gift because she clearly doesnt value other people's money and i certainly don't have money to waste.

I wish i could park it but i find it hard to not let it affect how i feel about my partner. How has he raised a human that thinks this is ok.

Aibu or would you feel remotely similar?

Fwiw id absolutely go through my dc if it was them. I'd be gutted.

OP posts:
LayerCakeOfStrangers · 17/09/2025 00:59

I keep mine in the cellophane and cute little box, it looks pretty!

Such a weird thing to get upset about. 19yo’s are sometimes ignorant and flakey. If you expect perfection you’re in for disappointment

ittakes2 · 17/09/2025 00:55

i think she did the right thing - binned 10 day old flowers so someone else did not need to clean up the mess when they died and leaves and petals dropped off. I like the look of the cellapane and often leave it on too.

InWalksBarberalla · 17/09/2025 00:36

beAsensible1 · 16/09/2025 17:59

The cheek of you rummaging around her house and passing judgment on a random bunch of flowers.

it’s so unbelievably not any of your business.

This exactly! Seems very intrusive of the OP.

Buffs · 17/09/2025 00:23

FlockofSquirrels · 15/09/2025 18:14

Maybe there are all sorts of other awful things she does that make it reasonable for you to dislike her.

This simply isn't one of them. Her birthday was 10 days ago and not enjoying someone's gift in the way you would in the privacy of her own home is not a character flaw. Her not unwrapping the flowers sent by someone who presumably wasn't there to see hurt absolutely no one, and cut flowers are expected to be thrown out a week or so later anyways.

If you've reached a place where you're determined (even unconsciously) to attach malice and poor character to things like this then you're going to find excuses to do so everywhere. Nothing will improve in your feelings or relationship until you can find your way out of that place.

Edited

This. You are being ridiculous to be offended by this.

Dogmum6 · 16/09/2025 22:15

After ten days they go mouldy - I think she was being polite to not fill your home with mould. I'm not saying I would chuck them then if I'm around- but I am aware that's it's prob not great for my allergies. I def wouldn't lug them into a car or my bedroom at that stage

Worriedalltheday · 16/09/2025 21:22

You are so intense and a bit ridiculous. Why do you care? How do you even know what the issue is. If I was travelling back to uni, the very last thing I would be taking is a 10day old bouquet. I wouldn’t even give them to anyone because I think flowers are a bloody nuisance rather than a gift- more work and effort than I would want! So she has done nothing wrong with her own gift.

Branleuse · 16/09/2025 20:54

I don't understand why you think she should have taken the flowers to university?

Laura95167 · 16/09/2025 20:45

You dont know when she got them. If she knows enough about flowers to take them out the wrap or just displayed them for almost 2 weeks as-is. If she threw them out now becuase unfortunately they will be very dead by the time shes next home. Or if they were from someone she didnt want them from i.e. an ex.

I think its none of your business what a 19 yr old woman does with some flowers.

Its odd you consider it "behaviour" that would impact how you feel about your partner

TheBigFatMermaid · 16/09/2025 18:09

I don't often actually like 19 year old young women, tbh. I'm pretty sure that I myself was unlikable at that age. I probably came across as a spoilt know it all.

My own DDs certainly did although my eldest has well outgrown it, the younger one, at just turned 20, still has a way to go.... but she's getting there!

I think that you, OP are being quite disingenuous and there is much more of a back story than you are letting on.

beAsensible1 · 16/09/2025 17:59

The cheek of you rummaging around her house and passing judgment on a random bunch of flowers.

it’s so unbelievably not any of your business.

Louise122 · 16/09/2025 17:54

This is not a flowers issue. The bigger picture is, she has a nice life with your BF (her Dad) and you don’t have money to waste, I assume your BF is a decent earner, so you now feel resentment toward her for not being grateful and her having a nice life. Sure you wouldn’t have liked them for yourself? She’s 19, too busy thinking about getting back to uni life. I think you need to look at yourself and the relationship with her Dad rather than pick holes with her, OP.

GagMeWithASpoon · 15/09/2025 21:08

Forthelovagod · 15/09/2025 17:38

I actually want to like her but she makes it hard
She's spoiled and there's a history of selfish behaviour.
Definitely not from someone she doesnt like.

I dont really like flowers as a gift myself but i wouldn't just throw a gift in the bin but i see im in the minority here so I'll try harder to get over it 🤣🤦‍♀️

The thing with flowers is that they end up in the bin anyway. You have no idea if she threw them on the day she got them (no one changed the bin in 10 days?!?) , or was just lazy /forgetful and put them in water in a vase and then chucked them out before going to uni.

NotoriousABC · 15/09/2025 20:23

What I would give for this to be the worst example of behaviour from my DP’s DD! 😭

TheTwitcher11 · 15/09/2025 20:07

Forthelovagod · 15/09/2025 17:53

@TheTealGoose thanks for looking past the assumption that i just dont like his daughter, which just isn't true. She is difficult to be around.
I cant control her behaviour but it does disturb me that my partner who i feel shares the same fundamental beliefs as me has managed to raise a child who is almost the opposite of what he claims to stand for. I have also journaled in the past. I will revisit this. I want to seperate how i feel about her and his parenting from how i feel about him as a partner.

Give other examples though because the flowers sounds trivial

lunar1 · 15/09/2025 19:54

You can’t separate your boyfriend from his daughter in your head, they are a package. You don’t like her, so stay out of her space and away from that home. You have such a superior attitude m, no teen girl needs that in her life.

Tam285 · 15/09/2025 19:44

Taking flowers out of the wrap, cutting the stems and putting them in a vase with water and food is quite a faff. Did she even have a vase for them? After 10 days though even if she had done all the right things they would be likely to be looking the worse for wear.

Teens are selfish, give her till 25 at least to grow out of that.

HopefulBeliever · 15/09/2025 19:21

I don't see that this is really a drama. Unless she could have given them away what else could she have done with them.
i cannot stand cut flowers - I don’t understand why anyone would want to give me something that is essentially dying. The last bunch I got stood in a bucket in the utility room until I talked to my neighbour over the wall and offered them to her.

mumofoneAloneandwell · 15/09/2025 19:20

Yabu tbh, leave well alone

Moonnstars · 15/09/2025 19:01

Forthelovagod · 15/09/2025 18:48

No pollen allergy, not from stalker ex etc... I've known her since nursery school.... Probably from her aunt at a guess.

I can see why as an isolated incident i appear to be the problem here. There's lots of back stories but i wont drip feed.
It is what it is. And i recognise im probably over thinking this because of my own stresses related and unrelated to her.

I'll get over it. Thanks for the perspective 🙂

Clearly it is the back story that is the real issue here.
Throwing out flowers when going back to uni isn't unreasonable. Yes they might still be in the cellophane, but that doesn't mean she didn't keep them in a vase or something until she left.
You don't like her and are therefore over analysing trivial things. Even if she did throw them out immediately, it's not really your problem.

titchy · 15/09/2025 18:57

Forthelovagod · 15/09/2025 18:48

No pollen allergy, not from stalker ex etc... I've known her since nursery school.... Probably from her aunt at a guess.

I can see why as an isolated incident i appear to be the problem here. There's lots of back stories but i wont drip feed.
It is what it is. And i recognise im probably over thinking this because of my own stresses related and unrelated to her.

I'll get over it. Thanks for the perspective 🙂

From her aunt ‘at a guess’? So in fact you have no idea who they’re from and they could well have been from someone creepy.

What did you think she should have done with them given she was going back to uni?

NoahDia · 15/09/2025 18:56

I mean she could've blended her 10 day old flowers into a soup, but most of us just bin them 🤷‍♂️

Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged · 15/09/2025 18:52

Separate your feelings for him as a partner and as a parent? You mean you like him but think his parenting must be shit because she’s spoilt enough to chuck 10 day old flowers in the bin. I mean I’d say thanks love for not leaving dead flowers to someone else to clear up.
I get it, I think, you like him, but don’t align yourself with his parenting. That’s life and happens even with married couples who share dc together. No biggie, it means though you keep your opinions to yourself.

Original poster
Forthelovagod · 15/09/2025 18:48

No pollen allergy, not from stalker ex etc... I've known her since nursery school.... Probably from her aunt at a guess.

I can see why as an isolated incident i appear to be the problem here. There's lots of back stories but i wont drip feed.
It is what it is. And i recognise im probably over thinking this because of my own stresses related and unrelated to her.

I'll get over it. Thanks for the perspective 🙂

OP posts:
Advocodo · 15/09/2025 18:45

I adore getting flowers but not sure a 19 year old would feel the same. To me they are a real treat that I wouldn’t buy myself. I am rubbish at spending money on myself,

honeylulu · 15/09/2025 18:45

10 days old and back to uni, they probably needed binning by then.

It does seem a bit churlish that she didn't even take the plastic wrap off them and stick them in a pint glass. But young folk do have brains that don't work the same as ours. Mine moan when I ask them to bring down their rubbish bins from their bedrooms. It's too much, they're too tired, they don't have time. It's like I've asked them to perform the labours of Hercules!

Last time my son's girlfriend was here he went to get her from the airport and took a bouquet of roses. The roses went back up to his room with them. She seemed happy about them. However it occurred to neither of them to stick them in a vase of water. A few days later the roses came back down in the waste paper basket, dried out and still in their plastic. So I hate to say it but it's pretty normal behaviour at that age.