School refused to release my child until after parents’ meeting – is this allowed?

What about the children? My son would have been upset to have been kept beyond school hours to the point of melt down, especially as it was unexpected. He knows what time he should be picked up.

I personally want my children to know that people very often make up rules and regulations that are not written down, no one has signed up for, and are unenforceable, because unfortunately people being put on the spot and just lying about things being “rules” is very common. And I want them to know that passivity isn’t the only appropriate option. I have a husband who needs me to return things for him and complain on his behalf due to fear of confrontation, and we both agree that we’re not trying to raise adults who put up and shut up in the face of everything.

I think the school were wrong if they genuinely only told parents this morning about the meeting and wouldn't let anyone collect their child and miss the meeting. Is it possible there was a misunderstanding and the teacher who closed the door meant that children didn't need to go to the meeting, only parents? I can imagine several situations where the person collecting a child has to leave immediately (to get back to work, to get to another appointment, to collect another child) but I would email the school asking for clarification before accusing them of breaching any rights.

I don’t get the this is fine either. No it isn’t and no it isn’t compulsory and yes you can collect your child indeed there are only very specific extenuating circumstances they can stop you

safeguarding and court ordered/custody disputes

this is none of the above

Op thats bonkers for a school to think like that. I bet half the teachers are parents too.

There are a zillion reasons why its not a great idea from the school.
Kids collected by wrap around care, nannies, childminders, informal wrap around Grandparents, friends, the teen next door.

The kids going to other things, music lessons, dance, football etc etc
And more serious doctors, dentists etc.

Then throw into the mix parents doing multiple pick ups or wfh.

What about kids who make their own way home?

I'm a primary teacher, no it shouldn't be compulsory and they can't refuse to give you your child if you asked. If they are holding an after-school meeting children should be collected first and then those who want to attend go round to the meeting. You could have had an appointment or club you needed to get to.

I would suggest emailing the office saying it was not convenient for you to stay at that time and that if they choose to hold meetings out of school time they should allow children to be collected first. Parents then decide whether or not they are able to attend. Be polite but question their policy on this.

It's a big deal if you have other places to be, or other children to pick up! 5 minutes ok, but 20? What if it was a childminder picking up the child? Or a parent who then had to pick up another child, or get to work, etc? Not everyone has tons of free time to just stand outside schools for 20 minutes!

What if the child or parent has an appointment or an arrangement such as dropping a child at Grandma to get to work.

My workplace doesn't allow late finishes for those reasons unless volunteers or pre-planned. I'm astounded schools think they are the most important people in the room.

@saraclara How about YOU don't be an arse and swallow everything you read wholesale? Jeez. Right to family life because of a 20 minute school meeting

Wouldn't have worked for me when DS was at Primary School. I absolutely would have needed DS to be released at normal school finishing time. I had to get back home in time for DD, who was dropped off at our house by school transport from her SEN school. Absolutely no way I couldn't be there when she got home.

I was thinking the same! If I eg needed to get ds to the dentist or something after school I'd absolutely open the door and tell him to come with me!

Schools moan about disrespectful kids and parents, but it really does work both ways.

My thoughts exactly.

They should give more notice if children aren't allowed to leave at the normal time.

Yanbu. No way would anyone I know be alright being told no to taking their child at home time especially for a meeting that should have been an email.

OP, you mention 2 parents: you, and one other, had the door shut in their face. Can you tell us about all the other parents? There must have been 100 or so others at least waiting in the playground? What did they say / do? Surely you're not the only one who found this mad (and rightly so)?

If this had happened at my school (inner city, mixed bunch) there would just be 200 parents going bonkers insisting on retrieving their child, please.

The amount of toddlers / baby siblings. Dogs tied up outside. Cars trying to avoid a ticket. Buses to catch. Swimming lessons to get to. Work to log back on. Dinner to start.

On what planet do a school just say to an entire cohort of adults that you must attend a meeting, right now, and we won't give you your child until you do.

Is your child at some utterly mental school?

The OP was questioning the legality of it as she wasn't sure of her rights in this situation. If she understood her rights then she would probably have been more forceful in making sure that one of the teachers went to get her child so that they could return home. Schools have no right to keep your child from you at any point in the school day unless they have significant safeguarding concerns. Very rarely would I be able to hang around after school for a meeting. I have work commitments, clubs to get children to, personal appointments, etc. The school has behaved outrageously and I would be writing a complaint and expecting an apology.

I’m surprised by people implying this didn’t happen. This sort of short notice was really common when my DC were in primary. For example, we were once told on a Monday that there was going to be a parent’s evening on the Thursday, but that it would be in the afternoon, so we would have to pick our kids up at 12pm. Cue loads of stressed parents trying to get time off work at short notice.

Personally I’d be inclined to email the school a) asking for more notice next time and b) querying why you weren’t allowed to collect your kids at pick up time. But I wouldn’t use words such as legal rights or human rights, just message in a polite way.

No they can’t refuse to give you your child back at the allotted time. Even if they’d given you weeks notice, they still cannot make it compulsory for your child to stay for 20 minutes after the school day has ended. I’m astonished they did it. There should be details of the complaints policy on the school website.

OP is talking about the rights she has- and the rights the school doesn’t- from her first post. That’s what she’s googled- “does a school have a right to keep my child for x”
or similar. Google didn’t lead her there unprompted

I wouldn't be able to do that. I get one at 3.15 and one at 3.25. Then drive to college for 4pm. I get to each by the skin of my teeth daily.
Then a MTW clubs at 5pm Thurs 6pm

However if given a weeks notice then I can arrange for a family member to do the pick ups but this has to be pre arranged due to their workload.

I wouldn't waste time writing to the council, we don't even know if this is a local authority maintained school. I think an email to the Head would be entirely appropriate though.

Surprising and very, very annoying. Very unusual.

Breach of rights? Who are you going to sue? Or you want to go to the police? A bit dramatic.

That's bizarre! What if you needed to get to work or collect another child from another school or had an appointment? I think you could have insisted on taking your child. Schools don't have the power to hold children against a parent's will. I would write to the Head and possibly to the council too.

That was something she unearthed when she googled, and she asked if it was relevant as she doesn't know our systems, being new to the country.

I can’t imagine any mums I know accepting NO for an answer when asking to take their children home.

I would definitely have told them I couldn’t spare the time for and perhaps they could email,a précis of the meeting afterwards.

Sounds like you need to push back a bit with this school so they don’t take any more liberties.

I agree with those who suggest contacting the school, asking for more notice and being able not to attend.

I have not heard of such a meeting before, if you get this happening again, then make a formal complaint to the school governors.

Your point about English being an additional language is a valid one and you will probably be one of many parents in that situation.