School refused to release my child until after parents’ meeting – is this allowed?

I work in a school and, if this happened as OP is reporting, then this is completely unacceptable. There is no way we would do something like this.

Yes, parental engagement is very important. But you don't achieve that by refusing to release people's children to them unless they attend a meeting! You achieve engagement by working with parents. This means giving them adequate notice of meetings and events, making the presentation slides available to those who can't attend or (if it's genuinely that important) offering two sessions on different days.
Also, in what universe is it acceptable to give parents less than a days notice to attend an afterschool event? People have jobs and caring responsibilities, they need to be able to plan their lives accordingly.

Those saying it's only 20 minutes are massively missing the point. OP could have had a GP or dentist appointment to get to, she could have children at other settings who need collecting, she could have any number of reasons why she wasn't able to stay afterschool. It's not for the school to decide how she or her children spend their time out of school hours!

Legally, a person with Parental Responsibility has a right to collect their child whenever they choose. The only way schools can override this is if there is an immediate risk of harm, for example if we'd had to initiate lockdown procedures or we'd been told by the Police and Children's Services not to release the child due to an urgent child protection issue. Forcing parents to attend a meeting is not sufficient grounds for refusing someone with PR the right to collect their child.

She just didn’t want to.

More concerned with her supposed rights than her responsibility to make sure the child starts off the school year on the right foot…

I would be really annoyed about this and I’m not surprised other parents complained. Less than 24hrs notice is pretty rubbish and surely there are lots of parents that wouldn’t have even read that email by 3.15

20 minutes is a bit annoying if you’ve got nowhere else to be but if you’ve got a dentist/dr/hospital appointment, other kids to collect, after school club, music lesson, train to catch etc. etc. then it’s actually a big inconvenience

I'm a retired school middle manager. The school didn't deal with this in a reasonable manner, in my opinion. A notification on the actual day isn't time enough when you consider that parents might have multiple commitments.

I'm really surprised how many people think this is acceptable

Loads of valid reasons why OP might not be able to attend the meeting.

Including that she might just not wish to. It's not compulsory

Strictly speaking ,I guess it might be a deprivation of liberty, contrary to article 5 of ECHR but I really wouldn't recommend that as an approach

‘My rights’ 🙄

Stop making a mountain out of a molehill. You were mildly inconvenienced, that’s all.

I would probably have said - I can either take them now, or come back in an hour. Which would you prefer?

Which would hopefully work, but brinkmanship at the start of a long relationship isn’t ideal. They are setting an abysmal tone for the parent school partnership, though, so may not matter much.

This would absolutely snooker my day, I pick DD up and then rush back to log back in at work. What about if the parent had you her children or older children? I bet the hall was packed!

Ex teacher, ex school governor here and, in my opinion, it is not OK and totally wrong of the school to do so.

When my own children were in Years 6 and 7, I had 15 minutes to get from the primary to the secondary, and it was 15 minutes drive. Neither would have been able to get home alone (too far and they didn’t normally take travel cards/ money to school).

I must admit I would have insisted on my right to have my child brought to me and, if not, escalated a complaint very quickly. Schools cannot know parents’ schedules and anything after school has to be voluntary. Even compulsory detentions (which lost primaries don’t have anyway) can be rescheduled in case of need.

Arguably it's false imprisonment. I know that sounds dramatic, but who else is allowed to hold onto children without parental permission?

It's actually pretty manipulative and upsetting to be told "you can't have your child until you attend this meeting". Even if a parent doesn't have a "good" reason and just doesn't want to attend the meeting, you can't use people's children to blackmail them.

Some schools are so unbelievably controlling and, like a pp said, treat parents like naughty toddlers.

In my 25 years of primary-aged teaching, I can think of...zero occasions where we did this. Our parents were a feisty lot and would have given us hell, and rightly so.
Pain in the bum, yes. Breach of parental rights? If it happens again I'd make a fuss, but probably not this time (I'm not as forthright as some though).

Yes, I'd be firm and be taking my child, and kicking up a fuss if they still refused. However, I'm confident, know my rights in regards to my children and not afraid to kick up a fuss if needs be. Not everyone is like that though.

It’s a way of ensuring parents attend these meetings. It sets the tone for the year.

Schools do need to understand that it is 2025 and the parents are not naughty children needing to be kept in line. They are working adults, who are entitled to not attend, and the school cannot control them. It is when teachers/school administrators do this sort of patronising thing that it really damages engagement with parents.

The better approach to increase attendance is to ask parents to vote on suitable timing but also make it easy for parents to access the information other ways - send it by email or offer a teams meet. For most parents it is not that they won't attend it's that they can't. Schools need to understand this.

Our school has a number of teachers who are parents themselves and know how hard they find it to attend these things themselves, and are fabulous at offering accessible ways to engage with working parents.

That's pretty shocking, what if you had a dentist appointment or they had a music or swimming lesson? I've never heard of this happening in a school OP and I can't imagine for one minute that they can force you to attend a meeting and not allow you to pick up your child.

It sounds like a bonkers school to me and you're not being unreasonable at all.

As a teacher I know this is not allowed!

I'd be fuming. My kids often have a music lesson or other commitment after school that i pay a lot for and no way would they be telling me they wouldn't release them. They are also collected by a childminder two days a week who has to collect from a local preschool as well and she simply wouldn't be able to wait, so if they refused to allow the children to go at 3.15 they'd have to keep mine till I finished work at 6.30pm....

Eh

A better way of ensuring parents attend meetings is to give them more than a few hours' notice.
Most people could comprehend that.

My kid would have missed her swimming assessment, so it wouldn't be "nothing" for everyone.

No, schools are not allowed to refuse to hand over a child to someone with parental responsibility (even in the middle of the day) unless they have a very serious and immediate safeguarding concern, usually where they would need to call the police or have the child examined by a child protection specialist doctor.

Oh they are going to love you

Yes its important but its a two way thing.

I can’t believe the posts people have requested deletion of and that MN were spineless enough to actually delete them. Give your head a wobble, they weren’t rude or unkind.

No. It is not allowed after the school day. Many parents, myself included had many other commitments such as other siblings and children’s activities which had been paid for as well as work when I handed them over to someone to look after.
I’d complain to the governors of the school. Once they’ve done it once, they’ll try it again.
Disgraceful.