To not want my daughter near a little boy at school after what I saw this morning?

😂 okay love

If I saw your toddler hitting you in the face, I would feel incredibly sorry for you and wonder where you'd gone wrong.

People on this thread who are talking about tantrums are way off. A toddler having a tantrum is one thing, a 6 Yr old boy physically attacking his parents is quite another.

Anyway regardless of what anyone else thinks OP is concerned about her child. And that is what she has come here to post about.

Well hopefully she’ll get over it

What nonsense. What adult demands to be shielded from all violence? So if you see a fight in a pub, do you sue someone for the trauma you’ve suffered seeing it?
Kids fight all the time in school and nursery. Always have done. To make out it causes trauma for other kids to witness it is totally nuts.
What neither adults nor kids are expected to put up with is being assaulted but there is absolutely nothing to suggest that this boy will attack anyone in his class. If you saw my toddler hit me in the face would you say it’s too dangerous for her to be in nursery and that the kids in her nursery might get PTSD from seeing her hit me? Because I’d laugh if you did.

If OPs dd is quiet and timid, then yes it could be quite upsetting witnessing this. Especially if the adults present didn't seem to be in control of the situation.

Quite simply you sound poorly educated and ignorant on children. Or maybe you’re on the wind up. Either way you a
re the one who concerns me not a little boy who is struggling

Because we often expect children to put up with stuff that as adults we never would. Why should they? Children should expect to be safe and free from violence the same as adults. That's why I'm comparing situations.

Regarding some people telling OP to keep her child away - OP has come here for advice. She's getting it. We may not all agree with some of the advice and that's ok. We don't all have to agree. Some parents would choose to keep their child away from this boy as much as possible. That's perfectly fine. That's their right as a parent.

And that's my point about some parents of children with SN not understanding or respecting other parents wishes. If you have a child with SN you have to do what's best for them, of course. But surely you must understand that other parents will want to do what they believe is best for their child as well?

Sounds more like a very frightened child.
Although I did see an older DC having a very scary breakdown in school, two assistants were trying to keep him safe, from himself and others, shielding him, it reminded me of a scene from a psychiatric hospital, the DC was losing his mind.
The lack of special educational need schools often leave mainstream schools up shit creek.

I hope your DD is fine and I’m sorry it scared you. Just for another perspective…

My SEN child never hit me but he did run away, cry, shout and sit on the floor. It was hard and upsetting to see him so totally overwhelmed. Mainstream was completely unsuitable for him and we were doing everything we could to get him moved with the school‘s fulls support. But I’m incredibly and forever thankful for the parents in his class who were only ever kind and thoughtful. Did it impact their children? Probably. Having a child who runs and hides almost certainly will take attention from the rest of the class. But they understood without ever demanding explanation that I was just a fellow mum who needed a friendly smile after what was clearly a difficult day. I wish I could nominate them for some sort of friendly neighbour award because they were kind and never gossiped or looked away. Nor did they press me for every detail. They simply kept smiling and kept inviting him to parties. Genuine angels.

Because it would be making something that has nothing to do with you about you. And the parents & the teacher have enough to deal with without someone saying in case this ever impacts my lovely child…

Um you reckon a kid having a meltdown/tantrum would give someone trauma? What planet do you live on? Why on earth would it?

Why do you keep comparing children with adults?

It doesn't go both ways though, does it? This thread shows that. Some people are telling OP to tell her child to stay away from him, not invite him for playdates etc after seeing 1 snap shot outside school.

You think that witnessing a random kid in your class having a meltdown is at all similar to seeing domestic violence? Ffs. How fucking offensive. And do you think that if a child witnessed their 6 year old sibling kicking their dads shin and telling their mum to shut up, it would be classed as domestic abuse and something that anyone would give a shit about? Of course they wouldn’t. People on this thread are ludicrous.

This child will not do this to your daughter.
he was extremely dysregulated and melting down for his parents. You would be wildly inappropriate to mention this to the teacher.

I would bet anything that child has some sort of SEN. My son would lash out like that at us but not other children. Speak to the teacher privately if you are concerned. School will have to inform you if any incidents occur involving your child.

My point is parents of children with SEN will often ask for more understanding and empathy. I believe this should go both ways.

And no, it doesn't matter to the other children at all if the child has SEN or not. Because the outcome is always the same isn't it? If I witness violence on the street, and I'm traumatised as a result of it, it's absolutely no consolation to learn that the man being violent has a mental health issue. It makes no difference to the trauma I'm experiencing.

I sympathise. A little child (aged 4) in my child’s class is regularly physically and verbally lashing out at his parents at drop off, and one morning slapped the teacher in the face. Even the teacher was discomposed for a few moments. I have known the child since birth and know how often the parents speak to their child / read stories about empathy, kindness, techniques for coping with big emotions / set consequences etc. But it’s still very disconcerting to see this behaviour when the child doesn’t seem to have any SEN issues, but is emotionally disregulated and frequently aggressive and laughs when told off. Don’t say anything to school but do practice with your daughter speaking up.

If other children are so sensitive to witnessing such ‘violence’, how did they cope with siblings/friends/nursery and a child having a tantrum?
because I’m sure I’ve seen quite a few toddlers having tantrums g like this, kicking, punching, rolling in the floor, screaming.

And i get what you’re saying re adults not knowing what to do. Which is tge OP’s reaction was the most important thing. That child wasn’t there in their own. They weren’t even involved. So the OP, the mother, being very matter kf fact, confident, knowing what needed to be done (which was just ‘oh someone is having a hard time. Let’s give them some space. He’ll calm down’) was plenty.

Honestly, some stuff IS traumatic. And Chikdren are being traumatised by stuff that might look like nothing to adults.
But as someone who has childhood trauma and c-PTSD, it’s essential to not make a mountain out of a molehill about what will just look like a tantrum. Just a tantrum. (Even if it’s not, it’s a meltdown etc…. Btw)

If the dd was then having to deal with said tantrum in class, eg as the child is sat next to her etc…then it would be a different matter.

So parents who have children with SEN need to show some empathy but it doesn't work both ways because actually, who cares if the boy has SEN or not?

It just shows how little people understand regarding AuDHD (and of course the separate diagnoses).

That child who appears naughty or defiant, violent or uncaring is so so very much more than how they appear in a high stress moment or when they are masking.

I come from a family of which many are diagnosed, adults included. My son is unlike anyone of them. I thought I knew autism. I do not.

I don't wish for my son to be anything other than who he is. The change I do wish for is just an ounce of understanding.
It's out there, I have had people approach me asking if I need any help, a woman once brought me a Costa gift card and slipped it into my bag without saying a word.
Unfortunately the negativity is what stays with you the longest. People don't understand just how much we are struggling without them adding to it. I wish they were just that bit more aware 🤍

I wish you all the best for you and your son x

I think a lot of people have been quite unreasonable towards the OP.

Imagine as an adult going to work everyday and a colleague kicking off - punching, hitting, kicking, swearing and needing to be restrained.
It would be awful. Especially for people who experience anxiety and/or those who have been on the receiving end of violence themselves in the past.

I imagine it can be quite terrifying for some children to witness what the OP witnessed. Especially as the adults there who are supposed to be "in charge" seemed unable to manage his behaviour effectively. Children generally tend to feel things are out of control and scary if the adults present don't seem to know what to do in these situations.

What may or may not be wrong the child doesn't actually matter at all. The outcome is always the same.

I think some parents of children with special needs are so caught up in it that they forget there are other children (and parents) in the school as well and they could maybe show some empathy towards those children & their parents.

This thread might have helped some of those parents to consider other children's needs alongside their own.

My son does shit like this but wouldn't with other kids. He's autistic and has a 1:1 so often away from the classroom

Honestly it reminds me of a young boy at school who had behaved similarly and ended up throwing a metal chair at me and my friend, which I dodged and my friend ended up with a burst eye. They gave him medication at lunchtime after that. I guess nowadays it is SEN treatment

There was a boy like this in my DSs nursery - it's very sad for the child, and hard for the parents, when a child's disability manifests as agression, but it is scary for other kids, and nursery and school should be safe places. Kids with issues with emotional regulation need more support than they get in mainstream schools.

I think you need to be alert to this boy, don't have playdates, complain if your DD is put sitting beside him, nice quiet girls can put paired up with boys like this, and it's very unfair on the girls.

Why would you make that assumption? A child capable of violence and anger could potentially direct that at anybody. Plenty of children are violent bullies at school.