To not want my daughter near a little boy at school after what I saw this morning?

I'm a teacher. We deal with this. You don't need to point it out. Imagine if the other 29 parents in the class also felt the need to point it out. I understand it might be unsettling for you but unless you are going to wrap your child in cotton wool at home for the rest of their life they will experience children (and adults) displaying a multitude of different behaviours. Please trust the teachers to keep all the children safe.

If he did that in class either he or all the other children would be removed from the room. It really doesn't happen often that they suddenly kick off without us staff knowing it is building up or about to happen. If it's a usual behaviour he probably has a one to one and a system in place for meltdowns and a room he will be taken to.

You’re not judging? Except you are

My DS is not SEN but went through a period where he was really hating school and struggling (pressure from school over SATS) and he lashed out and refused to go in aged 8. He’s never done it since, and I had been telling the school he was unhappy - had to work hard with them to get him going in again. He was also a nightmare to get in for the first term of reception. He’s now year 9 and a perfectly well adjusted and settled kid with lots of friends and thriving academically. Oh and he has never lashed out at another child or us since.

Transitions are really tough for kids, SEN or otherwise. OP - your DD may have times later in life where she struggles. Don’t judge based on one morning in the playground.

Came here to say I do not think you are being unreasonable at all. Sounds awful what you saw and as a protective parent myself, I too would have felt worried for my child being around a child with that kind of temper.

You’re right it’s not your business to isolate and punish a child that is not yours because he threw a tantrum age 6. Teach your daughter what to do if someone behaves in a way that makes her uncomfortable (seek a trusted adult, say ‘stop’ etc).

I saw the same thing once when my DD was around 7 years old. Twins in her class both attacked their mother, kicking her and hitting her around the head and face for around 5 minutes - no-one was close enough to intervene or offer support. They were complete angels in class!! Both now very high achieving adults, intelligent individuals 🤷‍♀️

By not letting your daughter be with difficult children you will be setting her up to not deal with issues herself. If child had hurt your child that’s one thing but you saw a tantrum or meltdown if they are special needs. Perhaps the very young child doesn’t want to be in school and has separation anxiety. A lot of children can be physical at that age in playground.If your child is worried tell her to tell her teacher. Learning to be happy with all situations is best thing for her as life is like that.

OP - Sincerely, as a Mum of 3 (with and without SEN, I’ve experienced it all…) please know, none of our children are perfect. Please stop judging a family, on a snapshot moment in their child’s worst.

Our children will all mess up, it might not be as explosive as that young boys, but they all have their crap learning moments, and at that time, you’ll be praying that the other parents are not judging you, the way you have this family and posting on public forums for opinions on your childs behaviour.

Until it is a direct impact on your child, there is no need to engage with teachers… and please don’t advise your kids on who they should be friends with based on your one moment experience… I can also tell you now, that stuff always gets repeated on the playground, and unless you’re willing to stand there and say that to that child, his teacher and his family’s face, then dont say it to your kid, as they will all, nearly always find out about it.

The behaviour is usually due to the SEN child feeling distressed.

He could well have ND. I have a child with both ADHD and ASD. And when he gets triggered it can be really scary to watch, he usually tries to hurt himself, he punches his head, bashes his head against a hard surface, tries to pull his hair out, saying I hate myself I want to die. I can guarantee you it is far worse for the child involved, as well as their parents as it’s distressing seeing them hurt themselves
after 3.5 nearly years my DA13 has a diagnosis now and is awaiting to see the specialist nurse for medications. Sadly it’s taken 5 months just over to even see the nurse after diagnosis.
the should hopefully has a decent SEN team to help the child

Parenting in some cases is unequivocally an issue.

When I worked in a primary school, there was a Mum who would constantly complain that the school wasn’t doing enough for her SEN child, but she would keep them off at least twice a week. Any time the child was a home lunch they wouldn’t come back in the afternoon. She once kept them off because their neighbour got a new kitten! But the school wasn’t doing enough.

I now work in a secondary school where a SEN first year came in one morning with an energy drink bigger than his arm. It was confiscated and he was asked where he got it to which he replied his Mum buys them for him! He still has one every morning but finishes it outside the school gate.

These are just two examples of many. I’m not saying it’s a majority of parents but it’s certainly a significant minority.

"Anti social behaviour upsetting children and adults. There’s no free pass to cause distress due to SEN!"

My autistic son is caused distress by NT people on a regular basis but he is expected to put up with it.

Btw OP, it's fine to notice it and keep an eye on it. Ultimately the presumption of mainstream DOES disrupt typical and mainstream children's education.

Yes but it doesn’t mean the school doesn’t/ is not capable of dealing with his behaviour

I know kids can have meltdowns and off days, I’m not judging that. But I have to admit it really worried me.

but you are being judgemental?

You have no idea how this child acts at school, what his background is (SEN/disability/difficult home circumstances etc)

IF he was actually hurting your child, yes. But it has literally got nothing to do with you at this point.

My Nephew was like this when his dad died. His behaviour was really unregulated and all over the place

Anti social behaviour upsetting children and adults. There’s no free pass to cause distress due to SEN!

Of course it matters.

What different entry point? Especially if it doesn't matter if the child has SEN?

It doesn’t matter, does it. If he can’t behave in a way that is socially acceptable for all the other little kids, he needs to be removed and given a different entry point. He doesn’t have the right to upset everybody, and there’s no requirement for everyone to fabricate rhino skin at the drop of a hat to adapt to a child that should be removed for disruptive behaviour.

How do you know he doesn't have SEN or any other issues?

Yes you are being silly

yes you absolutely are judging

yes you are being ott

no you don’t talk to a teacher. It’s not your business, they won’t discuss another child’s behaviour with you. It didn’t happen to your child or in the classroom.

I would have felt exactly the same as you! Very unnerved and protective of my child.

I hope your dd is ok. I’m sorry this is happening at a sensitive time when one really needs things to feel safe and calm.

My child is autistic and this sort of behaviour is a regular occurrence at his group therapy appointments. Not by him but by the other kids. He has been assaulted numerous times by children whose behaviour is best described as “feral”.

Mine has tried it once with me and once at school.

I don’t put up with my child demonstrating this behaviour.

It’s been explained to me the reason why they won’t say the word no to autistic children and I completely disagree. If a child can’t handle the word no then they shouldn’t be allowed out in public.

Or he's just a little sh!t there's a kid on my estate does this every day he doesn't have sen or any other issues he's just a brat whose parents have absolutely no control over him and he knows by kicking off he gets to stay off school

If your child doesn't have additional needs OP why can't she tell you exactly what is going on in the classroom? Maybe you should consider SEN assessment if she doesn't have the cognitive ability or language yet.