To not want my daughter near a little boy at school after what I saw this morning?

Wow!

I think school know, if it happened in the playground. I would ask my daughter if she sits near him. Hopefully the answer is no, there’s probably not much else to do.

And at no time did OP suggest she was contemplating doing that.

It’s very unfortunate, I’m very sorry to hear it, I can imagine it’s very painful for him and you. 🌹

No, she isn't judgmental. She is just concerned for her child.

Good for her.

OP wasn't judgmental. Not once. Rather, she was - quite understandably - concerned about a child apparently with no self-control whatever being in close proximity to her daughter for prolonged periods. OP: YANBU

YANBU, just tell your daughter to stay away from him. Of course it's "nice" to be understanding of SEN but you don't owe a random child a friendship just because he has special needs. There was a MN thread a few months ago by a mum who was upset that a girl stopped wanting to play with her SEN son because he was violent towards her. The most important lesson to teach little girls is that they DO NOT OWE their company or friendship to anyone else, particularly of the opposite sex. Being forced to be nice to someone who feels threatening or unpredictable is a terrible concept to learn, which also includes putting your personal safety at risk because the red flags are justified in some way.

Based on personal experience, SIL's son is ND (medicated) with violent tendencies. When younger he came very close to causing a life-changing injury on DD. Luckily the item he used as a weapon slipped and it only ended up being a cut which didn't leave a scar. He's improved a lot as he grew older but still gets violent impulses which he manages to articulate, eg telling an adult he feels like hitting another child. This sometimes works but very occasionally still acts on them.

DH and I have agreed never to let DD and her cousin spend time together unsupervised. He's just too unpredictable and it's genuinely not worth the risk. They don't live very close so luckily it's not a huge deal. We genuinely don't have anything against them and everyone gets along great during family reunions (with adults keeping an eye on the kids). But it's plain common sense that you don't want your child in the vicinity of another one with aggressive outbursts.

@SeanConneryIsMoniquesMother wow what an unempathetic post and even worse from someone working in an educational setting who clearly needs some training to better understand what it means to have a SEN child and how you can support them and their parents.

No it's not ideal that a secondary school student with SEN came to school with an energy drink. Perhaps he had ASD and trouble sleeping - it's a thing. Maybe his mum was at her wits end with how exhausted he is through lack of sleep or trying to get him to school and gave it to him in desperation. I've just spent 2.5 hours trying to get my 4 year old ASD son to sleep - he is wired. He's also exhausted every day no matter what we do we can't get him to sleep. It's a common problem with kids with ASD and we now reluctantly going down the medicating route.
I haven't even told his school about his ASD because I'm so sick and tired of people like you in educational settings who judge parents of SEN kids when you are clearly not in a position to do so. Best ask for some extra training as you need it.

Sadly your reaction to what you saw, OP, is why I only talk to SEN parents now (and plenty of 'normal' parents avoid me). My son is 12 and lovely, but he had some very hard times when he was younger and we have been judged harshly for it. It hurts. It hurts a lot.

Sounds like he has SEN op. My son is almost 5 and has ASD. When he has a meltdown he is very aggressive towards us - every day I'm bitten, hit, kicked, have my hair pulled. It's really awful. For alot of ASD kids like my son transition is really difficult. Every morning my son doesn't want to go to school, he will lash out and most mornings I carry him to school kicking and screaming- he usually stops once we reach school and then runs straight in and is absolutely fine (masking) for the day, and they thankfully dont experience any of that behaviour. The best thing you can do is not judge others- it's very hard and isolating being a SEN parent, not to mention physically and mentally exhausting.

Count your blessings.

There but for the grace of God go I.

I wouldn’t worry too much about it yet. A few years ago, I witnessed one of the children in my class (year 1) throwing a tantrum and hitting his mum. He never displayed this type of behaviour in school with other children or adults. He tried stomping his feet at me once, but I shut that down and reminded him that he was at school. I had no problems with him whatsoever.

Hardly need to add to the comments here, but yes he’s likely to have SEN, likely to be much worse with his parents than others, and there’s really nothing you can or need to say to the school.

My sympathies, like most pps, are with the boy and his parents. Trying to navigate school with SEN is not easy, and his parents will have so much worry about him over the years.

If something actually happens with your daughter that would be the time to discuss with the teacher. Until then I wouldn't approach the teacher to purposely critisise a little boy, you won't come across well.

It’s much more likely that he is worse with his parents. What do you want the school to do? Keep him isolation? As if that will help him.

I know you say that you don’t want to be seen as judgemental but that’s the problem isn’t it. You are judgemental and you don’t want people to see you as such nor admit it to yourself.

My little boy is autistic and ADHD and he can have days like this where he lashes out at us. He has been through school refusal where we have literally had to drag him to school every day kicking and screaming.

He has 1 best friend at school who he worships and adores and will not hurt. Yes, he sometimes shouts at her but she says its when he is having his 'hodge podge moment' and she leaves him alone.

Personally, I wouldn't say anything to the teacher as you have saw a snapshot of this child. You have no idea what is going on or what they are going through. You also have no idea how this child is towards other children.

From a SEN parent, its quite upsetting to read your reaction. I understand you want to keep your child safe but you are jumping the gun with no clear picture.

I think you’ll find this poor child has ASD and his long suffering parents are probably trying desperately to get him assessed and helped. Unless he does something to your DD I suggest you count yourself lucky that you don’t have to deal with this on a daily basis. And a little empty wouldn’t go amiss.

Sorry op… I mean you can’t really.

Year1 is a big change from reception and I think it is kind “normal” to have a few kicks at the start of this particular year. Maybe he does have SEN or maybe he just doesn’t want to go in school and completely lash out…
anxiety is a real thing in children these days.

I would say if both parents were there, they are aware he is atm unwell and try to support him?

Poor little boy. Sad really…

The thing is, you can’t promise to keep children safe. It’s not a criticism. But you can’t.

I’ve said above that my daughter has violent children in her class who throw chairs. If one of them decides to throw a chair with no warning (which happens) you can’t prevent that. You might deal swiftly and competently with the aftermath but you can’t stop it happening at all. And you can’t guarantee that it won’t happen again.

My friend is a teacher and regularly gets parents demanding “how are you going to ensure my child’s safety??” They can’t 🤷🏻‍♀️

The number of ND children in the UK is st least one in ten. Maybe it's society that needs to adapt, not the children.

The part of you that thinks you should leave it and mind your own business is correct. You’ve acknowledged he may have SEN - do you really want to be encouraging your daughter to avoid disabled people? How does that fit with your morals?

Agreed.

We were at a SEN play session on Sunday, at a trampoline park. There was a little boy with what looked like carers, who ended being being restrained by two adults, on a trampoline.

The extent of our reaction was saying to our son “Oooh, let’s bounce over here! Can you follow me?” We moved our kid out the way and… that was the end of that.

The child is in crisis, doesn’t mean everyone around him has to be.

Or your comment.

This. To make it clear Sen children regularly disrupting education in the classroom of others or being violent to children is unacceptable (and I’ve outlined how that issue can be improved)

However, as someone who lives with a Sen child and has other NT children who have to live on a daily basis in close proximity to their disabled sibling like so many other NT children, the idea that it’s so traumatic and terrible for somebody’s child to simply witness from a distance a Sen child having a bit of a meltdown suggests a real lack of resilience. I’ve observed disabled people including adults having meltdowns in many places in public, it’s just part of having SEN people in public life.