To not want my daughter near a little boy at school after what I saw this morning?

Where did I write child doesn’t want to go to school FOR NO REASON? Nowhere is where.

Obviously there’s a reason a child doesn’t want to go to school including cba, would rather game, SEN, bullying etc..

Or they could be diagnosed with ASD and be at university, studying music like my son. He is a gentle young man who struggled in his early school years.

It's only your business if your DC is hurt. Even then there is a strict limit on what the school will tell you about what caused the incident.

I'm a 1:1 TA (with different children over the week). If a I am working with hits a member of staff or other child, they are immediately removed from the situation (or the other children are moved if the child is in crisis and staff keep their distance if necessary). Could be totally different to how a parent might handle a meltdown/ crisis in the playground after school, so don't in any way assume a member of staff will allow a child to repeatedly hit someone because that's how the parents dealt with it. Staff have their methods, parents may have different ones, all equally valid in the eyes of whoever is providing care at the time.

Kindly, OP, you're going to need to toughen up for your sake and your daughter's. She's unlikely to get through school with only kind things happening around her and being said to her.

My DD came home aged 10 telling me that a troublesome boy in her class had told her he would rather stick his head down the toilet than be her IT partner. I took it as a positive that she was laughing her head off as she recounted this.

This sounds a lot like my son. He can be violent towards us during a meltdown. In that moment he has lost control but is filled with guilt and remorse afterwards. He has NEVER hurt anyone else.
He is a model student at school, beautifully behaved but ultimately that is a mask.

He is probably autistic.

Id be mortified if a parent reported that they didn’t want their child near mine. You don’t know the background. I could understand it if you’re child was experiencing problems as a result and expect intervention from a teacher but to request this in advance would be a step too far.

This sounds a lot like my son. He can be violent towards us during a meltdown. In that moment he has lost control but is filled with guilt and remorse afterwards. He has NEVER hurt anyone else.
He is a model student at school, beautifully behaved but ultimately that is a mask.

He is probably autistic.

Id be mortified if a parent reported that they didn’t want their child near mine. You don’t know the background. I could understand it if you’re child was experiencing problems as a result and expect intervention from a teacher but to request this in advance would be a step too far.

This sounds a lot like my son. He can be violent towards us during a meltdown. In that moment he has lost control but is filled with guilt and remorse afterwards. He has NEVER hurt anyone else.
He is a model student at school, beautifully behaved but ultimately that is a mask.

He is probably autistic.

Id be mortified if a parent reported that they didn’t want their child near mine. You don’t know the background. I could understand it if you’re child was experiencing problems as a result and expect intervention from a teacher but to request this in advance would be a step too far.

This sounds a lot like my son. He can be violent towards us during a meltdown. In that moment he has lost control but is filled with guilt and remorse afterwards. He has NEVER hurt anyone else.
He is a model student at school, beautifully behaved but ultimately that is a mask.

He is probably autistic.

Id be mortified if a parent reported that they didn’t want their child near mine. You don’t know the background. I could understand it if you’re child was experiencing problems as a result and expect intervention from a teacher but to request this in advance would be a step too far.

But why?! You don't know that. Maybe it's because they have additional needs, maybe it's because like DS' classmate something terrible happened to them at school, maybe they don't want mum going home alone because it's not safe, maybe he has a sibling with a serious illness in hospital. This are just circumstances I know about directly , where children are struggling going into school, but you'd have no idea that was going on for those families.

You are predictably getting roasted on here, but of course you have concerns. It’s perfectly natural.

Without naming him, you could say you witnessed a meltdown and ask the teacher for reassurance on how they ensure all the kids are kept safe if it happens in the classroom.

You want to be able to reassure your daughter if she ever feels unsettled. I see nothing wrong with seeking that reassurance yourself first.

What would you even say to the teacher?

‘Excuse me Miss that boy appears to have special needs can you keep him away from my child please’ 🤦🏽‍♀️

If you’re that worried ask your child about him, if she voices any concerns you can give her advice on how to manage challenging behaviours in the classroom.

My autistic son was capable of meltdowns like that when he was struggling with school. He’s quite a gentle soul really, He only ever hit out at another child once in P1 or 2 in retaliation for something (not excusing, just explaining).

The kid who made my daughter’s life hell was ‘butter wouldn’t melt’ in front of her parents and teachers. HTH.

What do you want to happen? The school excludes the child because they had one meltdown and you didn't like witnessing it? Should the kid be barred from full time mainstream education on your say so?

Or do you want to pull your child from the school and find one where every single five year old is totally emotionally mature and there will be a guarantee that no tantrums or meltdowns take place at any time?

Children show their worst to their parents because they know they are safe (or at least that’s what happens if they have good parents). My eldest used to hit me a lot. Youngest had epic meltdowns for years. School saw none of this.

Haha! Qualification in what?

Child screaming ‘I don't want to go to school’ whilst kicking their parent… let’s think now.., I think that child doesn’t want to go to school.

"There are (multiple) kids like this in every school. By the time she gets to state secondary school some of those tough-nut kids will be carrying knives, fighting, stealing etc."

A child having a meltdown age 5 doesn't tell you anything about what they will be like when they are older.

There's a little girl who goes absolutely crackers in DS' class every morning with mum/dad and teacher trying to get her in, she's actually a very sweet girl who developed a severe allergic reaction last year and her first 3 blue light episodes were at school. She poses absolutely no risk to other children, she's just terrified.

YABVU. He's not shown any hint of violence to children.

Definitely!

You can ask but school don’t have to comply.

Sounds like he has SEN. I am sure the staff aren't exactly going to let him just attack her.

Our nephew has sen and when younger would lash out at his parents like that (particularly things like dropping at school or leaving places he was enjoying as he struggled with transitions).
As far as I'm aware he never hit another child past preschool age, our DD is a year younger and he would at times fall out with her when younger but would lay on the floor crying or run out of the room rather than getting aggressive towards her.

What an ignorant and judgemental post.

I think most people would just feel some empathy for the child and parents having such a tough morning?

There are (multiple) kids like this in every school. By the time she gets to state secondary school some of those tough-nut kids will be carrying knives, fighting, stealing etc. Obviously the majority will hopefully be reasonably decent, but it’s inevitable that schools reflect the mix of people in society as a whole. When I was at school I saw plenty of fights, people being spat on, bullying etc. It was a really good school as well and a lot of the kids were ok. I guess what I’m trying to say is, these people exist. She might as well learn now how to exist alongside them now.

I wouldn't say anything because school can't say if the child has SEN or anything like that to another parent anyway.