To not want my daughter near a little boy at school after what I saw this morning?

My son struggled with going to school. He was fine while there and never hit another child either (he’s an adult now so that’s 13+ years of school) Some kids don’t have extended family, babysitters and didn’t go to nursery/preschool and struggle with the transition. It doesn’t mean that they are a bad kid who should be avoided.

Even if you asked the school, they can’t make sure that your dd isn’t having contact with him without your dd made to feel like the outsider. You wouldn’t want that.

Yes, please do ask for your child to be kept separate from all of the SEN children. In all honesty it's probably going to be better for that kid because your attitude will rub off on your daughter.

Having been that parent with the child having a meltdown every morning, with all the judgy parents looking down their nose at me I have nothing but sympathy for those parents and the attitudes they have to face.

Fwiw the meltdown will be aimed at the parents because they are that child's safe space.

Also I would think the school are aware of this child’s behaviour already but if concerned mention it .

If he’s like that with his parents what’s he like with the other dc?

It’s likely that he lashes out at his parents because it’s safe to do so.

Yes we have one of those at my school. In our case it’s a ASD/ meltdown situation but your child will be looked after and kept safe. It’s part of main stream school these days.

Speak up to the teachers and ask how they are safeguarding the children from these outbursts. We had similar in p1 and my child ended up with a serious concussion when the child lashed out and shoved him so hard he fell back against an coat peg and a bite mark on his stomach that drew blood. The perpetrator was only in the school because no special school place was available. Several children were hurt and the school had v obv failed in their duty of care to all the children. Raise your concerns verbally and follow up with a letter as written communication has to be retained for the inspectors. Your child is your most precious thing so do whatever you feel you have to protect them.

But you said “Child doesn’t want to go to school and is angry at his parents for sending him in” and that’s often not the case at all.

Given you are old enough for a mumsnet account, I think it’s fair to say that schools have developed their skills in dealing with kids with special needs

and what should OP say?

the poor kid didn’t even notice her DD!

Yeah, the poor little thing

OPs duty is to keep HER daughter safe and to ensure HER education.

The parents of a kid with SEN are the responsibility of his parents, and the school are responsible for all (but, of course, the rights of 29 kids to learn is greater than the right of one kid to disrupt).

Really? My DS is in year 6 and I know some of the kids in his class and obviously the ones he’s friends with but not all of them. Why would I?

And this is the daily life of hundreds of thousands of parents whose children are neurodiverse/have SEN.

How about you don't compound their difficulties and just keep out of it.

YANBU to worry.

Personally I would say something. There was a kid in my class at school. He was a terror, a bully and the school did nothing because "He HAd SpeCial NeeDs" little shit broke my rib, and gave me a bloody nose on more that one occcasion. Same age group too. - Yes, I was quite delicate having been diagosed with a chronic illness at 4. However that was no good reason for him to be a nasty little shit.

I’m surprised you don’t already know who all the children in your DD’s class are when she’s already been there a year. Is he new in her class this year?

Would I be inviting him over for a play date, no.

Would I be telling my child to stay away from him at school, also no.

Your daughter needs to make decisions for herself and use her brain to figure out who she wants to play with and be around.

That was me as a kid. I used to cause terrible scenes, hitting and punching and screaming. Can't say why now, looking back. But I grew up alright and never turned on another child. I think wind your neck in.

In all likelihood that little boy is an angel at school and the best friend in the world to other boys and girls.

Many children struggle to hold it together 24 hours an day and some make a subconscious decision to act up with their parents because they feel they must be good at school (or, worse, vice versa). Unless your DD starts expressing fear about his behaviour at school (without prompting by you) I would not think about it again and definitely would not say anything.

That family is probably going through enough, and was no doubt mortified to deal with that episode in the playground, without your oar being stuck in.

Same . Mine found music in his teenage years, thank goodness. I wish you well. I had some people judging me but I remember the parents who didn't judge and I try not to judge parents I see struggling in shops etc as you just don't know what's going on and so many services and supports are cut these days.

Honestly OP it was a small child having a tantrum about going to school. You need to lighten up a bit or you are going to find your DD’s school years very stressful.

If your PFB ends up with a SEN sibling will you be happy with all the other parents ostracising them?

I would wait until there is something to speak to the parents about.
My ds was allocated a seat next to the very disruptive, rude bullying boy. I spoke to the teacher asking if he could move after the first day. She very calmly asked me if there had been any issues. When I said no she nodded and said if there was to come back and we can talk about it.
There were no issues at all that year.
I had been worrying for absolutely no reason.
There are enough things to worry about with kids and reasons to speak to the school without adding "what ifs"

YABU, OTT and judgy. can’t believe you are making this all about you.

Its very probably a poor child struggling with SEN. Why you make the jump to think he’d hit your child is ridiculous.

also, your DD is going to spend her entire life having to mix with all types of people. You can’t control every person she comes into contact with

'Handhold' 🤣🤣

Righto.

One of my children is like this. Hits, kicks, shouts, slaps, swears. He only does it to me, his dad and his sibling. It’s part of his autism - he struggles with self regulating his emotions. I’ve never known him to do it to anyone else. The teachers will be aware and will help in the classroom. Try not to worry.