To not want my daughter near a little boy at school after what I saw this morning?

I can see you are getting a bit of a roasting on here, it's been a long time since I dropped mine off at school but I too would be worried although probably would not speak to the teachers. Maybe the best thing you can do is have a chat with your daughter about anything which may make her feel uneasy she must speak up about. You don't even have to mention this kid, just pick a moment when she is happy to have a chat about this and that and try to make it very matter of fact. Let her know she always has the right to feel safe but do it in language she understands and not in a way that would scare her. Oh and I don't want to sound patronising as it isn't meant that way as you have probably had the whole stranger danger talk with her. This just might be a good opportunity to expand on that. Not sure if I have expressed that very well but I hope I am making sense.

Yep

You’re being completely unreasonable OP. You have no idea of this little boy’s needs. He could have ASC, other SEN or just be really overwhelmed. Stop being so judgemental

There is a process. Often chn that have severe SEND start mainstream and are leaving by year 2. We all know that’s what will happen but certain things need to be in place and you need parent agreement.

Totally. I had to carry Dd in screaming and thrashing once. She wasn’t “naughty” , was just freaking out in a new school. She was never badly behaved in class, never disruptive.

It's completely understandable to feel unsettled by the behaviour and protective over your child as well as to have empathy for the boy and their parents. Both can exist at the same time.

For me, it would be an act if and when situation. If something happens in the future then respond to the incident rather than acting from a concern.
Personally this is usually linked to my anxiety and past experiences so my mind overreacts to a perceived threat and erronously sees something as a problem that I must take action on. It's ok to stay aware of a potential threat without taking immediate, relatively impulsive, action. Usually if I'm not sure about what to do I take some time and don't do anything until I feel clear on how to proceed.

How do we ensure it though? There aren’t enough places for SEND children to attend specialist settings. No one is marching in London demanding education reform. Nothing is going to change and children will just keep coming to school kicking, swearing, biting, fighting and there’s not a damn thing the teacher can do. They come back from the Headteachers office with a sticker for being honest and calming down after they’ve kicked the teacher and assaulted other children. I’m so disallusioned with it that I can’t even write a proper response. I’m sick of saying it, parents need to support teachers and demand reform.

I would've thought so too. 6 is so young, I couldn't imagine thinking anything else.

‘Them’? Jfc.

The fact the OP shouldn’t do anything about this aside, I think we’re heading into dangerous territory when anything we consider to be wrong/out of the ordinary/what we wouldn’t see in our own children as “they must have SEN/be neurodiverse.”

In fact it’s got to the point now where I think we can probably assume that everyone is neurodiverse and that neurotypical doesn’t actually exist. Not because Autism/ADHD/other disabilities aren’t real, they are, but because everyone is unique, and everyone exhibits their own behaviours.

Of course we know that some children with SEN exhibit difficult behaviours. But it’s also a fact that not every 4/5 year old who has a tantrum has a disability or needs a diagnosis.

If this is a reception age child he might only have turned four two weeks ago. In which case he is absolutely at the point of having tantrums, especially if e.g. the parents haven’t stopped them in the past/he’s learned that they get him what he wants/he’s tired. At four he’s just a baby, and already people who didn’t see the child and didn’t witness the meltdown have seen fit to slap a diagnosis on him.

My DC had children in their class who behaved like this and who did have SEN, and children who behaved the same way and didn’t.

But now we’re presumably bringing up children to believe that certain behaviours must mean they’re autistic/ADHD or something else.

It wasn’t that long ago that we were telling kids that “only a girl would do that/only a whimp would behave like that,” and now we’ve swapped that to make children believe that they wouldn’t be acting in x/y way if they didn’t have a disability?

Are we back to the point of calling someone the equivalent of the r word as was then because they don’t behave how we think they should?

The teacher can handle it and will escalate if needed.

He’s like that with his parents because that’s a safe place to to do it/ safe people.
Stop being so judgemental. Perhaps he has sen, perhaps he was told sole
devastating news. It’s None of your business until it impacts your own child.
Hope your princess never has any issues
eh.

Yes parents of SEN children would love the right support for their kids, but there are not enough resources or training in mainstream or specialist schools to do it! The answer is not to kick them out - what else are they expected to do with additional needs - they need more support, not less. They have a right to education too. You should be ashamed of yourself.

Poor boy and poor parents. Everyone stood staring is awful too.

I could be the mum of this child.
Or rather I am a mum of a child who behaves like this. He has AuDHD.
He beats us up and leaves us battered and bruised (bitten and bleeding even). He has never touched another child though.

That's not to say he wouldn't under certain circumstances obviously. Given our experience, it's unfair to jump the gun on what's literally a drop off which is a trigger for some children.

Reading this really upsets me, because it just shows that all the fears I have for others opinions of my beautiful loving child, who can't fall asleep without being snuggled up close to me, who cries because he worries he won't be loved because of his behaviour, are real.

I say this as someone with no reason to be offended, DD has never had a before school meltdown, but your attitude is shocking op and you live in a complete bubble if you've never seen this before. It has no bearing on how he behaves at school or how nice he is

Home ed?

honestly, leave it well alone!! its none of your business unless your child is affected. The child might behave in a compliant way at school and not be able to stop themselves outside of the formal setting where there are different dynamics etc. If there are behaviour problems in school, they'll obviously have to safeguard the child and classmates.

My child was screechy, highly emotional, rude to us, physical (kicked and bites on arm) when on the school run and at entrances. It was awful until they were about 10 years old when they managed their emotions better and had more problem solving ability. Very compliant and a good all- rounder at school!!!

My boy has lost it with me at similar age, never his friends though. I was mortified, he was horribly overtired and I'd changed plans on him, and he overreacted. He's never lashed out on a classmate or teacher though. He was pushing my unconditional love to the limited, and is much better at controlling his emotions these days.

There’s nothing you can do. I’m a teacher, you can tell the teacher but their hands are tied. The government want the majority of SEN kids (most likely applies) in mainstream. Also, no one. believes teachers when we say how hard it is, they only care when it affects their own child. So now we have a situation where kids are disrupting other kids’ learning and and telling teachers to fuck off when they try to intervene. That includes ones that are just raised very poorly and aren’t SEN. If nothing happens then this will get worse and worse. The teacher will tell you they’ll keep an eye out and they will try their best but there’s almost nothing the teacher can do about this.

I cba to proof read this and I know it’s depressing but believe me it’s a depressing situation.

*Catch.

OP, you’re ridiculous.

Why would you avoid the family?? You can't autism or ADHD you know.

This is an awful post. My child is like this because he has SEN and can become overwhelmed by the environment. I hope he isn’t going to fullfil this persons expectation that he will become a knife wielding hooligan and he is instead supported so he can reach his potential.

I taught a little boy one year who kicked, screamed and fought, both his parents and myself, at the school door for weeks. It was hard going for all of us but once inside the classroom, he settled quickly and within a couple of months he was fine. It seemed to be extreme separation anxiety. He was just overwhelmed and scared.