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AIBU?

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Original poster

Feel like a single mum at the minute

38 replies

Boymummy2015 · 15/09/2025 14:21

Sooo, I want honesty please.... am I in the wrong/being unreasonable....

My DH and I have 3 kids, aged 14,10 & 7 both work full time in demanding and pressured roles, however, the last few months I am really feeling the pressure from all angles and I feel like I'm doing the parenting pretty much alone.

DH is good with (some) housework so I can't fault him much there he will get involved and do his share but he seems to think that doing that and then taking one of our boys to football at weekend is his part finished.

I'm the one left to cover, majority of cleaning, cooking, kids packed lunches, training nights/matches toing and frowing from one to the other, taking our teenage daughter to the gym/picking her up, I deal with all School issues/matters for the 3 kids, before & after school childcare/clubs etc, homework, reading, spellings, bedtime for the 2 younger ones, I get them all up and sorted for School in a morning. Christmas & bdays always left to me to sort.

My DH isn't lazy & he is a great dad but I feel like he has a very warped picture of what family life is actually about and what parenting involves. He thinks he's done after an early morning gym session, work then comes home, hoovers up, puts a few clothes away and thats him done. Meanwhile I'm in & out and up and down the stairs seeing to the kids making sure they all have what they need for School etc etc cooking, cleaning. I'm at breaking point and something has to give I can't keep taking it all on and dealing with him as well. If he's in then be in if not then I'd rather cut my losses and call it a day.

Sorry for the rant but can you guys offer any advice or please do tell me if I'm being a spoilt brat!

OP posts:
Pigeonsandgiraffees · 15/09/2025 17:34

Go on holiday for a week. Either alone or with a friend.

A) You need the break
B) You deserve the break
C) There are only so many times you can have the same conversations with the same people. It sounds like they need to experience you not being around for a decent length of time to realise just how much you do. It might put a stop to the piss-taking.

If it doesn't have a positive lasting effect, then you will need to consider taking more drastic options, versus a life of being the household maid who is taken for granted. If your 'D'H really is a darling then he will up his game and lead by example - children learn from both their parents.

DO NOT RETURN EARLY!💐

BountifulPantry · 15/09/2025 17:00

Decide what you have to do to complete the basic tasks that are absolutely essential. Drop everything else and stick to it

TheTealGoose · 15/09/2025 16:52

It sounds like you’re being a bit hard on yourself by saying it's your own fault. Anyway you've decided this approach isn’t working for you anymore and you need more help to feel more balanced. Regardless of their reaction, it's completely OK to change your mind now and do something different. It might be difficult at first but it can become the new norm. You got this 🌟

Original poster
Boymummy2015 · 15/09/2025 15:35

outerspacepotato · 15/09/2025 15:21

Your husband is lazy if he's opting out of all the work you're doing in the evenings such as chauffeuring the kids and making lunches and homework and bedtime routines. WTF.

You're going to have to involve your kids too. 14 year old can be making her lunch and getting her stuff together for school. She should be functioning pretty independently at this age. She should also be doing some household chores.

You're also going to have to get 10 year old to be getting his school things together. He can start making some basic lunches. He can do chores.

You need a family sit down to spread the load. If they don't step up, they fail. They might have to wear dirty clothes or go without lunch or forget something. Tough. Consequences.

Automate as much as you can. If they don't start contributing to the household they live in via chores and sharing the load, you hire cleaners, uber, and that's less money for activities and such. They don't get allowance if they don't share the work. The free ride is done.

To be fair to my 10 year old he does get his school bag packed himself & he gets his football training stuff ready each night ready for the next so he does do bits. He could do more.

To be totally honest all 3 of them could their all mature for their age in many ways and are more than capable but I (my own fault) I've done it all these years so it's expected that mum will sort now.

you are 100% right though on this. thank you

OP posts:
Caroparo52 · 15/09/2025 15:31

time to stop being so fucking efficient superwoman. Maybe time to drop a few balls mainly things he will notice like his laundry and meals and bedroom antics.

BengalBangle · 15/09/2025 15:24

Your husband is lazy and he's not a great, as he's modelling that it's okay to let one parent do the majority of the donkey work.

outerspacepotato · 15/09/2025 15:21

Your husband is lazy if he's opting out of all the work you're doing in the evenings such as chauffeuring the kids and making lunches and homework and bedtime routines. WTF.

You're going to have to involve your kids too. 14 year old can be making her lunch and getting her stuff together for school. She should be functioning pretty independently at this age. She should also be doing some household chores.

You're also going to have to get 10 year old to be getting his school things together. He can start making some basic lunches. He can do chores.

You need a family sit down to spread the load. If they don't step up, they fail. They might have to wear dirty clothes or go without lunch or forget something. Tough. Consequences.

Automate as much as you can. If they don't start contributing to the household they live in via chores and sharing the load, you hire cleaners, uber, and that's less money for activities and such. They don't get allowance if they don't share the work. The free ride is done.

Original poster
Boymummy2015 · 15/09/2025 14:48

MumChp · 15/09/2025 14:29

No you are not.
Ask him and the children do do some of the stuff and if they don't let them go without.

Show quote history

I have had the chat with the kids before set out a rota etc I think the only way I'm going to get through to them is by stopping their spends etc if they cba to help!

OP posts:
Original poster
Boymummy2015 · 15/09/2025 14:46

ranoutofquinoaandprosecco · 15/09/2025 14:28

Time to go on strike if they won’t step up. Outline what you’re willing to do and then step back and watch the fallout, do not be tempted to help!

I am seriously considering doing exactly this.
Eldest really needs to sort her sh*t out and start growing up she just takes us/me for granted & my boys are getting the same I can't keep allowing it.

Its my own fault and I take full responsibility I've clearly spoilt them and now I'm paying the price

OP posts:
MumChp · 15/09/2025 14:29

Boymummy2015 · 15/09/2025 14:24

Oh I have lol I've lost my shit yesterday with him and the 2 older kids tbh as they can help more certainly our older girl. But of course I'm the one in the wrong.

Show quote history

No you are not.
Ask him and the children do do some of the stuff and if they don't let them go without.

ranoutofquinoaandprosecco · 15/09/2025 14:28

Time to go on strike if they won’t step up. Outline what you’re willing to do and then step back and watch the fallout, do not be tempted to help!

Original poster
Boymummy2015 · 15/09/2025 14:24

MumChp · 15/09/2025 14:22

Ask him to step up?

Oh I have lol I've lost my shit yesterday with him and the 2 older kids tbh as they can help more certainly our older girl. But of course I'm the one in the wrong.

OP posts:
MumChp · 15/09/2025 14:22

Ask him to step up?