A second baby shower… WTF

£100. What a cheek! No way would I do that.

Baby showers are so boring, as is listening to conversations about baby related equipment etc. I hate all the twee baby shower games too. Also, it’s so annoying that men are never expected to endure these baby showers, why do they get away with it?

To be honest, after baby no.1 I really wouldn't want any more gifts - we've got most things already, house full of toys, garage full of outgrown baby stuff.

It's not in our culture to celebrate anything baby before baby arrives healthily, barely preparing, but I can understand why a baby shower would be nice no matter which baby you're on - just sans gifts. Perhaps a nice tea (put on by mother-to-be), a few games, maybe someone comes to give pedicures...

But the situation you're in sounds quite unreasonable.

👍🤣

I couldn't associate with such vulgar people.
A very inexpensive token would be all I would give at all.
Too tacky.

Thankfully this wasn’t a thing when I had my two 20 years ago. People just gave presents once the baby had safely arrived.

I once witnessed one of these horrible showers at a nice local restaurant and bar. They had a big table, with an awful looking over the top giant blue cake and proceeded to play these really loud games, questions and raucous over the top laughter more befitting a hen night. What would James do if and when baby wakes up in the night etc? They even had a microphone. It was awful, noisy, unnecessary and totally over the top.

Agree with just say sorry can’t make it enjoy and leave the chat.

PS expecting £100 for a present is total Cheeky Fuckery.

A second baby shower is fine, but asking to pitch in £100 is absolutely ridiculous. Nobody does this!
It's like throwing a birthday party but then telling everyone you have to bring a gift of a minimum value to attend.
Just politely opt out

Just say, "Sorry, I can't make it, I will sort my own gift out once the baby is here. Have fun!"

I don't see anything wrong in having a baby shower for a second child, but I disagree with being forced to pay a certain amount. Obviously I would be happy if attending to pay the amount for an afternoon tea, meal out what ever was decided and to contribute to a shared gift or to bring my own, but I wouldn't expect it to cost this amount.

I have no issue with going to baby showers etc. (I’m in my 30s so peak attendance of these things) but I was never asked at any to put money towards it. The girls mums or sister planned them and we just turned up for tea and cake and some silly games. It was cute!
All that was suggested to us was to bring some nappies for a raffle which I thought was nice.

I’m also a bit superstitious so I much prefer buying their proper gift when they arrive.

I had a baby shower for my son, but I organised it, and there was absolutely no expectation for anyone invited to spend £100 on a present or to even give one!! I also paid for the afternoon tea for everyone too!! I think whoever is organising this baby shower, is taking the piss! I certainly wouldn't be attending. I don't think baby showers are exclusively for 'first babies'.

I think this is silly when they have everything already. It should be called a sprinkle if anything. I would attend if I was being hosted (ie someone else is providing food and drink and decor) with a token pressie under £20, but I have turned down the only invite for something similar to what your friend is doing

£100 each? Fuck that!

A baby shower is usually for each baby

what I don’t understand though is why you need to spend £100 to make it happen. A small gift should be enough. The organiser should be footing all other costs (food/games/drinks/decorations etc)

I also think with a baby shower no gift is needed when the baby arrives or 2 small gift that’s what I’ve always done anyway. I get them a gift at the shower and then just a card when baby arrives

Baby shower is a US tradition for starters, as with gender reveal parties.

The place to discuss that is Netmums, the US version of Mumsnet!

never had a shower but why wouldn't you need things for a second baby? I needed: another cot, double buggy, some different clothing since babies were born at different seasons even though they were the same gender. Plus some people gave toys to the big sister. Obvioulsy not as many things we but we needed some.

I told my team at work that I didn’t think it was reasonable to even put round a collection when I went on mat leave with my second dc. That was three years after my first. id rather not be the centre of any attention and we had all the baby bits from my first so didn’t need anything.
As PP suggested, reply ‘thanks. No can do but have fun ‘

I don’t hate the idea of baby showers or sprinkles though thank goodness am too old to have actually been to any. The idea of a group being dragooned into paying £100 each and committing to a date way in advance is crackers.

I’ve never heard of them only being for first babies.
I think if the mum wants one, she can have one, and if people want to attend/contribute they can do, but no one should feel obliged. £100 is insane, I’ve never known anything like that before! I wouldn’t go if I were you. There’ll be plenty of other people there who are happy to go!

Just out of interest, are they American??? It’s way more normal in the Us and quite cringey everywhere else. That’s a big ask for a second baby.. I would send that message too and quickly disappear 😂😂

@Danikm151 yes a sprinkle. It is a latter day American invention. A chance to get together eat drink visit take some
pictures of/with (2nd) mom to be and very small gift often practical items like nappies. I think this culture of OTT showers are more and more about the “organizer” garnering favor with the bride or mum than the celebration of the wedding or baby. This was satirized in the movie “bridesmaids” where the character played by Rose Byrne gifts the bride a trip to Paris. I also personally despise being told an amount to give as a gift and being told how much I owe for “the party”. Showers/ sprinkles are meant to be hosted by a few who agree to the costs and then attended by the many who want to come. It sounds like you handled it graciously and rapidly and I doubt the money requests end at 100$

I only had a shower for my third dc but i would not be expecting anyone to pay anything.

I've heard these being called a sprinkle instead of a shower as they're smaller.

In any case I think they're a bit over the top. Some friends threw me one for my first but no huge gifts which honestly would have made me uncomfortable, but lovely thoughtful little gifts and fun games.
Definitely not planning one for my second.

I think you're right to bow out as you have.

Totally agree with this.
I wouldn't want to.know the type of people who shamelessly milk their friends for what they can get out of them.

Individually chip in £100? WTAF.

My girlfriends and I tend to go for lunch before one of us is due to have a baby, for an adult hangout before the onslaught begins.

No expectation of gifts though - most likely a big bag of relevant items from whoever previously was the most recent to have a baby.