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AIBU?

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Original poster

That DH has gone out for lunch

113 replies

Farmwifefarmlife · 15/09/2025 13:56

With his friend rather than us on his birthday ?

DH birthday today we don’t do anything fancy but normally go for lunch or dinner. I asked him yesterday his plans for today if working ect ( he’s self employed) he said he wasn’t sure. Then this morning he says he’s going for lunch in town with friend. Me and DC are left at home and I feel a bit put out tbh especially as I’m currently baking a cake and making home made donuts for him!
AIBU to feel a bit miffed and that we all could have gone out as a family.

OP posts:
MathsMum3 · 15/09/2025 14:15

Farmwifefarmlife · 15/09/2025 14:03

DH runs day by day rather than week by week! Even last night he didn’t know what he was doing. That’s normal in our house booking things weeks in advance just isn’t us due to our lifestyles/ work.

Show quote history

He's self-employed so must know if he's working the next day or not. Why didn't he know? And why didn't you then ask "Well if you're not working, let's go out as a family"?

Original poster
Farmwifefarmlife · 15/09/2025 14:14

HappyMamma2023 · 15/09/2025 14:04

I agree with you OP. I think he should have followed birthday tradition and gone for lunch with family and arranged to see his friend for a drink or tea during the week.
If he is self-employed I imagine he works very hard and long hours, meaning family time is even more special.
Once your a parent your birthday isn't really about you, it should be a celebration with your family.

I think that’s the thing if we regularly went out I don’t think I’d be as bothered but it’s been about 6 months since we went out for lunch and well over a year for dinner. DH is a farmer so we don’t see much of him as it is.

OP posts:
Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged · 15/09/2025 14:14

It’s his birthday, neither options are right or wrong. It’s up to him surely.

HappyMamma2023 · 15/09/2025 14:04

I agree with you OP. I think he should have followed birthday tradition and gone for lunch with family and arranged to see his friend for a drink or tea during the week.
If he is self-employed I imagine he works very hard and long hours, meaning family time is even more special.
Once your a parent your birthday isn't really about you, it should be a celebration with your family.

Original poster
Farmwifefarmlife · 15/09/2025 14:03

MathsMum3 · 15/09/2025 13:59

Why didn't you suggest something weeks ago instead of waiting until the day before his birthday to ask if he had any plans? In our family, we plan a birthday days/weeks ahead so everyone knows whats' happening.

DH runs day by day rather than week by week! Even last night he didn’t know what he was doing. That’s normal in our house booking things weeks in advance just isn’t us due to our lifestyles/ work.

OP posts:
Original poster
Farmwifefarmlife · 15/09/2025 14:02

Luxio · 15/09/2025 13:58

To be fair to him you hadn't actually planned anything before yesterday so when his mate suggested going for dinner it's not like he was cancelling plans with you. It would have been better to have had the discussion last week and made a booking if you wanted something set in concrete?

Edited

unfortunately DH runs day to day rather than week by week. Asking him last night I still couldn’t get an answer to if he was here / away today. If he had of said he was 100% at home I’d of suggested going out for lunch. Dinner is trick as have young DC. I get it’s his birthday it’s just normally we’d normally spend it together, we don’t do much together so would have just been nice but maybe I am being unreasonable.

OP posts:
Littlejellyuk · 15/09/2025 14:00

He wanted to see his mate, on his birthday, which was his choice. 💯
I honestly do not know what the problem is? 🤔

If he had gone off with his pal on YOUR birthday, then I could understand being annoyed.
Let him enjoy his birthday, in his own way.

Dweetfidilove · 15/09/2025 14:00

YABU! I'm probably biased though as my friend always meets me for lunch or a coffee on her birthday, so her husband tends to arrange something for the evening.

I'm probably a pain in the ass as well, as I very rarely take the day off work for mine, when everyone's expecting to do something with me.

Let him enjoy his birthday as he sees fit.

MathsMum3 · 15/09/2025 13:59

Why didn't you suggest something weeks ago instead of waiting until the day before his birthday to ask if he had any plans? In our family, we plan a birthday days/weeks ahead so everyone knows whats' happening.

Luxio · 15/09/2025 13:58

To be fair to him you hadn't actually planned anything before yesterday so when his mate suggested going for dinner it's not like he was cancelling plans with you. It would have been better to have had the discussion last week and made a booking if you wanted something set in concrete?

DisforDarkChocolate · 15/09/2025 13:58

I'd normally suggest plans if I wanted to spend time with someone on their birthday and not just act of they had any.

SeptemberNCing · 15/09/2025 13:58

Sidebeforeself · 15/09/2025 13:57

Aw let him meet a mate on his birthday!

This. It’s his birthday, not yours.

Sidebeforeself · 15/09/2025 13:57

Aw let him meet a mate on his birthday!

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