That DH has gone out for lunch

This is just the upshot of an unhappy marriage 🤷‍♀️

His friend is special compared to the norm "we don’t do anything fancy but normally go for lunch or dinner"

next time do something our of the old same ol and he would stay with you

Is it possible that friend invited him to lunch for his birthday?

She didn’t try and pin him down, she just asked if he had plans and he said no. If she wanted to go for lunch she had ample opportunity to arrange something 🤷‍♀️

Wouldnt happen on my household. My husbands treats me and the kids on his birthday (meal out) and buys me a present (new phone or something he thinks i nee dor would like) even if I havent got him one.

He probably thought you wouldn’t care as you didn’t make plans

its his birthday why shouldn’t he do as he wanted?

She tried to ask him what was happening on his brithday and she couldn't pin him down. He was being vague. She had a reasonable expectation that they would go out for lunch as a family, based on the past 20 years of experience. On the actual morning of his birthday he says he's going out with a mate. They are farmers and leisure time as a family is extremely rare. I think most wives in that situation would be a bit sad. But, as I said, this is Mumsnet where apparently no other woman would give a toss and would actually wave him off with a cheery smile planted on her face.

Has he returned from lunch yet?

Not a happy marriage generally I’m guessing, and this tip of the iceberg

The plan with the friend was made last minute, AFTER OP spoke to her DH about plans for his birthday.

We provide Reactive Maintenence for Large retail premises amongst other businesses and we have self-employed sub-contractors who do not know what they are doing until the receive a phone call, from me, telling them if an emergency reactive job comes in on the day.

Yes I have. If the friend could make plans then so could the wife, no? So it reads like a lack of communication and assumption.

I think what op is trying to say is her hubby's schedule is funny, she never thought she would have to make 'plans in advance ' with her own husband. She assumed if he was free, he'd be free for her and the family. You dont prioritise mates on your actual bday instead of your family. I'm sorry you don't.

Have you read OP's posts? She has explained countless times that due to her husband's job, any plans have to be last minute.

I appreciate your circumstances aren't the same as mine but if my husband didn't plan something for my birthday and then got pissy over me going to have lunch with a friend I'd not be best impressed.

It isn't your birthday so it isn't about you. And your husband should be free to celebrate his birthday with a friend if he so chooses, especially in lieu of any other plans having been made.

YANBU, he sees this friend 3-4 times a week, it wouldn't hurt him to go out with his wife, especially as you rarely get to go out.

He sounds a bit of a knob.

What are you on about?

OP didn’t arrange anything for her DH’s birthday and so he’s gone out for lunch with his mate - what does that have to do with female colleagues and forgetting your wives’ birthday?

I was originally gonna say yabu, but actually I see your point. He hardly ever goes out, he avoided making plans with you, then made them with someone else instead. Id be annoyed too.

I think a wider chat is due, he's not really prioritising his relationship. If you guys went out regularly this wouldn't be a kick in the teeth.

I get it OP, I really do. But welcome to Mumsnet where posters are happy for their husbands to text female work colleagues all hours and if your DH forgets your birthday it's clearly your own fault. You are not being remotely unreasonable.

Go out for dinner as a family

Rather than ask of had plans for his birthday say ‘ let’s go to such and such for your birthday lunch tomorrow’. Easy.

Organise a babysitter for tonight or later in the week and go out for a meal with DH.
If you're not going out tonight, them I think you need to put aside any angry feelings as it is his birthday, and have a celebration tea at home with the kids.
In future, make clearer plans with him before his birthday.

If you always do birthday as a family, I can see why you are miffed.

Of course YANBU! I’m surprised so many people are suggesting you are.

No one is saying a person can’t spend their birthday with their friend/s. It’s more a matter of thinking about others and communication. He should’ve said to you hope it’s ok that I’m going to meet Bob for a beer tomorrow? Then shall we have a birthday dinner or go out the day after?
Or something along those lines. for a partner to just do their own thing without any discussion is behaving as if they’re single person with no spouse / child. A bit weird really.

Brokeback Mountain, but farmers? 😂