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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to cancel 4th days?

34 replies

pleasecomebacksummer · 15/09/2025 12:35

I’ve been chatting to come one for nearly 8 weeks, met 2 weeks ago and had 3 dates. Next date is this week. For the first 6/7 weeks communication was via text and was mostly daily. It was only 1/2 texts but kept the momentum going. Last date was Wednesday but I didn’t hear from him Thursday to Sunday. For me that’s too long and now I just don’t want to go in the date. I just feel like all connection has gone by not having communication for 3 days which I know probably sounds ridiculous.

YANBU- 3 days is quite long when dating and if this is his style it’s probably going to get worse and cause you more stress.

YABU- the date was arranged so the interest is there. 3 days isn’t that long. Just go with the flow and go in the date.

OP posts:
terrafirma2025 · 15/09/2025 12:47

For the first 6/7 weeks communication was via text and was mostly daily. It was only 1/2 texts but kept the momentum going. Last date was Wednesday but I didn’t hear from him Thursday to Sunday.

Unless something happened like he was in hospital for three days, then yes he has lost interest.

He's breadcrumbing you so he has a back up plan.

I suppose if you are really keen you could go on one more date and see if he explains why the sudden desire to keep his entire weekend free and not bother to message you for four days when he had been doing so daily before. I wouldn't bother though. The start of a relationship is meant to be the super keen bit, if he's not bothered now, it won't improve.

Original poster
pleasecomebacksummer · 15/09/2025 12:47

terrafirma2025 · 15/09/2025 12:43

So he kept his weekend free, and now he's breadcrumbing you, whereas before he was far more keen.

He's just not that into you.

(Sorry didn't mean to quote the post)

Edited
Show quote history

he did have his kids but they are older and he usually texts when he has them. I sense suppose I do sense interest has wained hence my reservation.

OP posts:
sweetpickle2 · 15/09/2025 12:47

It doesn't really matter if other people think 3 days is too long or fine. The fact is its too long for you, so clearly your communication styles are different. Throw this one back.

Are you seeking therapy for your anxious attachment style? You need to work on that before you're dating seriously, I think.

TickyandTacky · 15/09/2025 12:46

pleasecomebacksummer · 15/09/2025 12:44

No I didn’t. I was last to text Thursday and we do usually ‘take in turns’. I have anxiety and possible ocd regarding dating and relationships so struggle with what is normal or acceptable and fear becoming over bearing so tend to let the other person lead the communication. He did text yesterday but by then I’d had it in my head it had lost interest.

Show quote history

It sounds like you hold him to a greater standard than you do for yourself.

Iris2020 · 15/09/2025 12:46

Honestly in my experience you're probably right. I wouldn't bother going.

Original poster
pleasecomebacksummer · 15/09/2025 12:44

NuffSaidSam · 15/09/2025 12:39

Did you message him between Thursday and Sunday?

No I didn’t. I was last to text Thursday and we do usually ‘take in turns’. I have anxiety and possible ocd regarding dating and relationships so struggle with what is normal or acceptable and fear becoming over bearing so tend to let the other person lead the communication. He did text yesterday but by then I’d had it in my head it had lost interest.

OP posts:
terrafirma2025 · 15/09/2025 12:43

pleasecomebacksummer · 15/09/2025 12:35

I’ve been chatting to come one for nearly 8 weeks, met 2 weeks ago and had 3 dates. Next date is this week. For the first 6/7 weeks communication was via text and was mostly daily. It was only 1/2 texts but kept the momentum going. Last date was Wednesday but I didn’t hear from him Thursday to Sunday. For me that’s too long and now I just don’t want to go in the date. I just feel like all connection has gone by not having communication for 3 days which I know probably sounds ridiculous.

YANBU- 3 days is quite long when dating and if this is his style it’s probably going to get worse and cause you more stress.

YABU- the date was arranged so the interest is there. 3 days isn’t that long. Just go with the flow and go in the date.

So he kept his weekend free, and now he's breadcrumbing you, whereas before he was far more keen.

He's just not that into you.

(Sorry didn't mean to quote the post)

DiscoBob · 15/09/2025 12:39

I'd text him the day before just to say 'still up for meeting tomorrow at x?'
If no reply then I wouldn't go.

Me personally I wouldn't mind no contact with someone I barely know for three days. But if you have a bad feeling about it at this stage that's not a great sign.

NuffSaidSam · 15/09/2025 12:39

Did you message him between Thursday and Sunday?

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